Title: Once Upon a Lunchtime
Author: Danielle
Rating: G
Disclaimer: All characters from the television series ‘Stargate SG-1’ belong to Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I’m only borrowing them for my personal entertainment, and I promise I’ll put them back all nice and proper. I didn’t profit from writing this piece, though if someone wants to pay me huge wads of cash for the copyright, I won't argue. All original characters and situations belong to me, but you can use them if you really want to - just mail me first. Also mail me first if you want to archive this somewhere else. Thank you kindly.
Summary: Introducing Rhya to the delights of fast food...

Once Upon A Lunchtime

“What is it?”

“It’s called pizza.”

“Piz-za? Is it edible?”

“I should hope so, I paid enough for it!”

“You know, it looks like something a shaman would leave behind after he’d gotten over-enthusiastic with a bucket of entrails...”

“Hey!! I’m eating here!”

“Well it does!”

“I think I’m going to throw up now.”

“Hey you two, what are you doing?”

“I think Daniel is about to throw up or something.”

“I was kidding, but would you mind not drawing parallels between food and the various piles of… whatever you may have come across.”

“Well that spaghetti stuff did look like Driumne’s head after he’d been brained.”

“Now I am going to throw up!”

“Just don’t do it on the carpet. It took me an hour to clean it up last time.”

“That’s gross Rhya.”

“Innit just Jack? Thank heaven for people with weak stomachs!”

“I don’t have a weak stomach, do I?”

“Well no, not really. But you can when you’ve got food in there... and sometimes when you haven’t.”

“I do not have a weak stomach!”

“Yeah Danny, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Fine, me and my pizza will just go someplace where we’ll be appreciated.”

“I didn’t think they let people into the chimpanzee cages at this time of night.”

“Oh that was cruel. Hilarious, but cruel.”

“I do try my best with this sort of thing.”

“See you two later! Much later.”

“Hold it right there mister!”

“What? And let you lay into me a bit more? Do I look mad?”

“How can I resist temptation like this and stay sane?”

“I think you might be a bit late there...”

“Jack - one. Rhya - nine thousand.”

“Shut up Jackson.”

“He’s got a point, Jack. I am much better at this than you.”

“And she scores!”

“Oh puh-lease Daniel. Don’t make me think things like that in public.”

*snigger* “I gotta give it to you Jackson. That took guts.”

“No, just timing.”

“Ok, enough from the peanut gallery!”

“Who’re you calling a peanut? I’m a walnut and don’t you forget it!”

“Listen four-eyes.”

“Watch-it catwoman.”

“Big talk for such a little man.”

“Are you pair enjoying yourselves?”

*together* “Yup!”

“Ok, as long as you don’t hurt him Rhya.”

“Hurt him? Moi?!?”

“Well, not much anyway.”

“Oh, I won’t. Does spanking count?”

“Eep!”

“Don’t worry Danny. I’ll leave the whips and chains until later. When we’re all alone.”

“Please excuse me while I run this way!”

“You can run dear fellow, but you can’t hide.”

“Oh Christ, now she’s gone pommy on us.”

“Ex-squeeze me? Celtic, not pommy. Get it right.”

“Celtic, pommy. Same diff.”

“I’m warning you, I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”

“And she goes in for the kill....”

“Ssshhhh Daniel. You’re ruining the mood.”

“Sorry Rhya.”

“No problem. Now, where was I...?”

“I was about to be spanked or something like that.”

*snort* “You wish. I save that for people I actually like.”

“Now you’ve really hurt my feelings.”

“As if you ever had any.”

“Are you implying I’m incapable of showing emotion?”

“Something like that Jacky-babes.”

“Jacky-babes? Jacky-babes?!? Jacky-babes?!?!? Okay then Rhya - schnookie, honey, darling, gorgeous.”

“Please excuse me while I hurl my guts up.”

“Anything you say, dear”