Subject: Whispers In A Distant Room (part 1)

okay, this is the first installment of an Ivanova story I've been working on for the other list. I've decided to cross post here and just edit certain parts when I get to them. Let me know what you think.

Kevin

standard disclaimer: B5 and most of the characters are owened by JMS and Babylonian productions. No infringement on their copyright is intended..

"She's been like that for a couple of hours now, Chief. I thought you'd like to know."

Garibaldi looked across the crowded bar at the still figure sitting at the far table. It was Commander Susan Ivanova, Babylon 5's second-in-command. She was huddled over a drink, staring vacantly into space. Occasionally she would raise the glass to her mouth, but her movements were slow and measured.

"Thanks, Zack." Garibaldi patted his second on the back and started across the room. As he walked, he wondered what could be troubling her so deeply, but he had a sinking feeling he knew. It was bothering him, too, so he could imagine how she must feel. He felt a brief pang of jealousy but shook it off. Now wasn't the time for that particular demon.

"What's up, Susan?"

She glanced up at him, slightly startled to be addressed by her first name. "Garibaldi. Pull up a chair." She spoke precisely, carefull not to slur the words.

He swung a chair around backwards and straddled it, so he could rest his arms and chin on its back. "So, how much have you had?"

She looked at the glass, then back at him. "Too much."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Yeah. I think I do. I.... I miss her," she said, her voice starting to crack, "Oh god, Michael, I miss her so much."

"I know. So do I." He took one of her hands and squeezed it gently.

"It's just.... It took us so long to get together, so long for me to get past that Psi-Corp badge she wore.... And then the bastards took her away from me.... so little time, it's not fair..." She started to reach for her glass, but Garibaldi pushed it aside.

"You don't need anymore. It'll just make tomorrow worse."

"But it might make now easier."

"Has it helped so far?"

She shook her head. "No."

"C'mon, let me walk you to your quarters."

Ivanova stood up and staggered a bit, gripping the edge of the table for support. "Garibaldi, would it be too much to ask..... could we go to your quarters? I really don't want to be alone and my place has.... memories attached to it..."

"Sure, no problem. We can watch some cartoons."

"Cartoons?" She asked, as he led her from the room.

A short while later, Susan found herself sitting on a large, comfortable couch, while Garibaldi prepared a couple of cups of coffee.

"It's not made from real beans, like yours," he said, "but it should clear your head a little."

"I doubt I could tell the difference right now, anyway. My heads starting to pound already."

"What were you drinking, anyway?"

"Russian qualudes."

"Figures. What started this anyway? I mean, Talia's been gone for months. Why now?" He handed her a mug and sat down beside her.

She took a drink and grimiced. "Whew. I forgot how bad this stuff was." She took another sip and allowed it to seep into her brain. "Have you seen Rachel, yet?"

"Rachel?"

"Rachel Frost. She's a trade negotiator, she arrived a couple of days ago."

"No, I don't think I've come across her, why?"

"She looks like Talia. Not quite a dead ringer, but pretty damn close. Same long blonde hair, same beautiful eyes, same gorgeous body. When I first saw her, all I could do was stare. Now, I look for her everywhere I go, every room I enter. When she's not there, I'm dissappointed. When she is, I just look at her. I can't seem to bring myself to talk to her or approach her."

"Has she noticed you staring at her?"

"Yeah. A couple of times, she's turned around and winked at me, or waved. Once she started to come over to me, but I ducked out of the room. God, Michael, what am I doing? This is ridiculous. I know she's not Talia. Talia's gone. Why am I so obssessed?"

He shrugged. "I'm just a flatfoot, Susan. Maybe you should talk to Dr, Franklin."

"Maybe." She leaned against him and he put an arm arould her. "You loved her, too, didn't you, Michael?"

"Yeah."

"Did you ever..?"

"No. She wasn't interested."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

They sat quietly for a while, and Garibaldi gently ran his fingers through her hair as she started to drift off to sleep. Her last clear thought, before dropping off, was that he had nice hands. Talia would have liked his hands.

End chapter one.

The room was spinning. At a fairly low, erratic speed, but definitely spinning. It might not be so bad, Ivanova thought, if her stomach wasn't spinning at a different rate.

"Help," she whimpered.

Garibaldi stuck his head out of the little kitchenette and smiled.

"Good morning." He looked positively cheerful.

"Fuck you."

"Aha, I thought so. Hangoveritus. One miracle cure, coming up."

Ivanova gripped the edge of the couch and muttered a prayer in Russian. When Garibaldi emerged from the other room she was starting to turn blue. "Here," he said, handing her a mug. "Drink this."

She drank it down, then grimaced, her complexion shifting from blue to grey. "Oh, god, what was that?"

"Believe me, you don't want to know. Now, you've got an hour till you're due at C & C, so....."

Susan jumped up out of her chair and dashed for the door. "An hour? Oh, shit! Oh shit!" She paused a moment before the door slid open and turned to Garibaldi, here features softening just a litle, "Michael, thank you."

He nodded as she darted out of the room and down the hall.

Dr. Stephen Franklin sighed as Marcus sat down across from him. He had hoped to make it through breakfast in peace, but....

"Good morning, doctor, mind if I join you?" Marcus said as he sat down.

"Well, actually..."

"Good, because there's something I've been meaning to ask you about. Do you remember the other day, when I was asking you about Susan?"

"You mean when we were locked in a cage because of one of your stupid plans?"

Marcus ignored the sarcasm in Franklin's voice. "Yeah. You said something then, I didn't understand."

"And what was that?"

"You said, quote, she's so far from your type, you may as well be in another galaxy, or something to that effect. Now what, precisely, does that mean?"

The doctor put down his fork and stared at him. Then he smiled. "You really don't know, do you?"

"I wouldn't be asking if I did."

"Just forget about it. You don't stand a chance."

"Well, what would I have to do to change that? Shave? Cut my hair? Loose a few IQ points? What?"

"Well, you might try an operation...." Franklin got up and left, leaving behind a very puzzled Marcus.

"Operation?" he mouthed silently.

One hour to go. Ivanova had managed to make it through the day without any major crisis', much to her relief. Her head was still pounding and she didn't think she'd be able to handle any big BOOMS. Little booms she could take. There were always little booms. But no big BOOMS today.

"Commander, I think you'd better take a look at this."

Oh, no. "Yes, Lieutenant."

"This ship just came throught the jump gate. I've never seen anything like it."

Ivanova took a closer look at the monitors. "Neither have I. It looks like its put together with spare parts. Open a channel." She took a deep breath and said, "This is Commander Susan Ivanova of Babylon 5 to unidentified vessel. State your name and purpose of visit."

"This is Father Anthony Caddero of the Earth ship Jonah, requesting permission to dock and speak with your commanding officer."

Ivanova motioned to close the channel. "Earth ship? That's no Earth ship I've ever seen. At least nothing sanctioned. Maybe he really did put it together from scrap. Open again. Earth ship Jonah, proceed to docking bay 21. You have permission to board. And I'll relay your request for a meeting to the Captain."

"Thank you Babylon 5."

hel Frost was having a drink. Garibaldi watched with interest, rying to determine just what it was. It looked pink from a distance. robably something tropical.

walked over and sat down beside her. "Hello, I'm...."

"No." She said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"No, you can't buy me a drink. You can't take me to dinner, and you can't take me to bed. Understand?"

Garibaldi shook his head. "Not really. Did I offer any of the above?"

She glanced at him, "weren't you going to?"

"Probably not. I'm Michael Garibaldi, chief of station security."

"Oh. Sorry. It's just, everytime time I come here, at least a dozen men try to pick me up."

"Then why do you come here?"

She grinned. "Maybe I like the attention."

"Aahh. So, can I buy you a drink."

Rachel laughed and nodded. "Okay." They talked for a while, her about her business, him about the station. Four drinks later, they were old friends.

She put a hand on his forearm and looked at him seriously. "Listen, Michael, could you do me a favor?"

"Depends on what it is."

"You know most of the officers on board, right?"

"Pretty much."

"Could you introduce me to someone."

"Sure. Who?"

"I think her name's Ivanova....."

end chapter two.........

Zack Allen was just about to clock out for the night, when his link buzzed. Sighing, he tapped it open and said, "security, Allen here."

"Zack, It's me." The voice belonged to Garibaldi, but it was hushed, like he didn't want anybody to hear him talking.

"Yeah, Chief, what's up?"

"I need you to do me a favor before your done for the night. Run a name through the computer for me. But don't log it. This is personal, not official."

"Sure thing, Chief. What's the name?"

"Frost. Rachel Frost."

"No problem. Frost? Isn't that the new broad, the one that looks like Miss Winters?"

Garibaldi sighed. "Yeah, Zack, that's her. Just leave the report on my desk, okay?"

"Gotcha. Allen out."

***************************************

Susan was heading for her quarters. Her shift had ended, finally, and now she could go home and take a nice long shower and crawl into bed. And dream about Talia.

She stopped walking. This was getting ridiculous. Talia was gone. She wasn't coming back. I'm Russian, she thought. I can handle this. I'm used to suffering. Suffering is normal. Especially for Russians. It's not like I've never lost anyone before. Shit happens. Deal with it.She looked down the corridor, but suddenly it seemed like such along trip to make. Maybe a few minutes rest. She leaned against the wall and slid slowly to the floor. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but she wasn't sure why. Why now? Why can't I pull myself together?

She was still there, on the floor, tears streaming unnoticed down her face, when Marcus found her, ten minutes later.

"Susan?" There was no trace of his usual sarcasm in his voice, just concern. He knelt down beside her and looked into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Of all the people on this station, it would have to be you that walked by. Why are you so damned annoying?"

"Annoying? I'm not annoying. I'm charming. Only a Russian would confuse charming with annoying." He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Or a Narn. They never understood charming either. Are you hurt? Physically, I mean."

She shook her head. "No. I'm fine."

"Fine? I don't think so. But as long as your not physically hurt, I don't suppose there's any urgency here. Mind if I join you?"

Ivanova started to say "Yes", but he had already taken a seat on the floor, beside her. "Tell me something, is this typical behavior for you?"

"Excuse me?"

"When you feel the need to vent your emotions, do you usually do it in the middle of a public corridor?"

She stared at him coldly.

"I take it that means no? Then something extraordinary must have happened to trigger this. Right?"

"Wrong. Nothing has happened. Which may be part of the problem."

"Aha! I see. Actually, I don't see. What's the problem?"

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, yes you do. You just want to talk about it with me. Right?"

She actually managed a brief smile. "Right. Would you help me up?"

Marcus stood and helped her to her feet. "Where are you going?"

"Med Lab. I need to talk to Stephen."

"I'll walk you there."

"That's not necessary."

"I know. Let's go." She nodded slightly and followed him down the corridor.

Dr. Franklin finished running a preliminary scan on Ivanova and turned off the monitor. "Well, aside from a pretty high level of residual alchohol in your system, you appear to be in pretty good shape."

"I told you, I'm fine physically."

"Well, I wanted to see for myself. Now tell me what's wrong."

"You remember the problems I was having after Talia went away. The dreams, the...."

"The depression? You can say it, Susan. Depression isn't a bad word. It can happen to anyone, under the right circumstances. You lost someone you cared about, in a particularly devastating way. Of course it was going to have an affect on you. But you made it through. You got to the other side."

"And now I'm falling back. The dreams again. The anxiety, the depression, the despair. It's becoming overwhelming again."

Franklin frowned. "Any ideas why? What triggered it?"

She sighed. "A woman came aboard the station a couple of days ago. Her name's Rachel. She looks just like Talia."

"And that's when it all started again? After seeing her?"

"Yeah."

He tapped his fingers lightly against the table for a moment as he thought. "This could be my fault."

Susan stared at him. "How?"

"When I treated you before, I just prescribed a mild sedative and an emotional inhibitor. In most cases of traumatic emotional shock, that's the proper course of action. Deaden the feeling a bit and let time distance you from the event. In this case, it wasn't quite the same as a loved one dying or running off or something. Talia was taken from you. And there was no kind of closure provided, nothing to seal the wound, so to speak. Over the course of time, it didn't heal, just faded into the background. Still, in most cases it would have stayed there. Without something to trigger it, you might have been fine. Unfortunately, something did trigger it."

"So what do I do?"

"Well, I don't want to prescribe any more medication. That'll just mask the problem again, not cure it. You need to close that chapter in your life and move on. Have you dated at all, since Talia?"

"No."

"I think you should. I think that's just what you need."

"Rachel?"

Franklin shook his head. "I don't think that would be healthy, Susan. It might provide the closure you need, but it might just enhance the problem. Could you look at her without thinking of Talia?"

"I don't know."

"There's a quarter of a million people on this station, Susan. I'm sure you'll be able to find someone that interests you."

"Yeah, I guess." She didn't sound convinced. Time to change the subject, he thought. "While we're on the subject of dating, you might like to know that Marcus has been grilling me about you."

Ivanova rolled her eyes. "Why am I not suprised? What did you tell him?"

"Well, I haven't come out and said it yet, but I've tried to get across the idea that you're not interested in men."

One eyebrow raised. "Why on Earth would you tell him that?"

"Well, it's not exactly a secret, is it?"

"It's not true." "But I thought..."

"You thought, because of Talia, that I didn't like men?"

"Well.....yeah."

"Good grief, Stephen, the two aren't mutually exclusive. Just because I'm interested in women doesn't mean I'm not interested in men. I'm attracted to individuals, not genders. I admit I have been kind of leaning toward women for the last few years, but I lean toward chocolate icing, too. Doesn't mean I don't like vanilla."

Franklin stared at her quietly for a minute. "Uhhhmm.....ooppps. Sorry. It honestly never occured to me. I mean, I knew you had men in your past, but I figured that was when you were younger, before you...."

"Before I made up my mind? That's what you thought? Amazing. Do the others think the same thing? Sheridan? Garibaldi?"

"I'm not sure."

She shook her head in astonishment. "You know, Stephen, I feel like I should be offended, but I'm not. It doesn't make any difference what other people think about my sex life. Truth is, unless you count my hand, I haven't had a sex life in quite a while. Go ahead and keep giving that impression to Marcus. It'll keep him out of my hair. I'm going home to shower."

*****************************

She didn't head home. Instead, she found herself walking towards Garibaldi's quarters. She wondered why? All she really wanted was a shower and some sleep. Or did she? Maybe she wanted something else.

He opened the door almost as soon as she hit the buzzer. "Susan. Come in. What's up?"

"I don't know. I just thought I'd drop by." They both sat down on the couch and she filled him in on Franklin's advice.

Garibaldi found it hysterical. "He told you to get laid? That's his medical advice. I love it. And speaking of that, I've got someone who wants to meet you. As a matter of fact, she told me to tell you she'd be at the bar tonight, around ten."

"Who?"

"Rachel Frost."

Ivanova opened her mouth to tell him what Franklin had said about that, but changed her mind. Instead, she said, "She wants to meet me? When did she tell you that?"

"This afternoon."

"But, why?"

"Because she thinks you're stunningly beautiful, which you are, and because she's caught you staring at her more than a few times, so she's sure your interested. She doesn't know a thing about Talia, so she assumes that all that attention is generated by pure lust."

"Well part of it is. It has been awhile. Do you think I should go?"

"That's up to you. I'll tell you this, she's a very straight ahead lady. She sees something she wants, she goes after it, no appologies. If you go tonight, she'll probably get you in the sack. Of course, that was the Doc's suggestion....."

She glanced up at the clock on the wall. Nine already. "I don't have time to go back to my quarters and change. Can I use your shower?"

"Go ahead, knock yourself out."

***********************************

After a nice hot shower she slipped back into her uniform and headed for the lounge. Rachel was waiting for her at a table in the back. She wore a bright red dress, slit high to reveal long, sensuous legs. Her hair fell loosely about her shoulders and her face was so close to Talia's that it sent chills down Susan's spine.

Rachel stood as she approached the table. "Commander Ivanova, I've been looking forward to this for a while, now."

"Please, call me Susan."

Rachel smiled. "All right, Susan. I'm Rachel Frost."

"I know." They both sat down at the table and ordered drinks. "I had a little too much, last night," Susan admitted. "Maybe one will take the edge of this damn hangover."

"You're still hung over from last night? You must have had a lot. You have beautiful eyes. But I'm sure you know that. I've been watching you ever since I arrived on Babylon 5."

"That's fair. I've been watching you, too."

"I know. That kind of attention is hard to miss." Rachel reached across the table and placed her hand over Ivanova's, gently stroking with the tips of her fingers.

Susan felt her face begin to flush. The other woman's touch felt wonderful, even exciting, like silk brushing across her skin. But the lounge was crowded, and she could feel their eyes on her, watching, speculating.

Rachel could see the reservations in her face and looked at her curiously. "I'm sorry, Susan, did I misread something here?"

Ivanova shook her head. "No. It's just.....I don't know. I mean, we don't know anything about each other. And the crowd."

"Look, Susan, I move around a lot. I don't have time for relationships, and if I waited to get to know people, I'd never have sex. We're both attracted to each other, what more do we need to know? And as for the crowd, what difference do they make?"

"I don't know, I'm just not comfortable with people around." Rachel smiled. Slowly, she raised Ivanova's hand from the table and pulled it to her lips. Susan inhaled sharply as they brushed across her skin, parting gently, nibbling seductively at her fingers. She closed her eyes as she felt her finger slide into Rachel's mouth, the woman's tongue sliding across it, carressing it. She caught herself making an almost purring sound and gently pulled her hand away and cleared her throat.

Rachel leaned forward, across the table, offering her lips, but Ivanova shook her head. "No, not here." Her voice sounded raspy and she cleared her throat again and repeated herself. "Not here."

"Okay. Why don't we talk a walk?"

"Good idea. How about the gardens?"

"Sounds lovely." They stood up and headed for the exit, pausing briefly to pay their check. A couple of junior officers waved as they left, and Susan nodded at them and flashed a quick, polite smile. And she didn't object as Rachel took her hand while they walked. It felt.....comforting.

As they walked, they talked. Rachel about her work, her past relationships, her family. Ivanova about Earth Force, her career, her family. The talk was light, despite the subjects, centering mostly on amusing anecdotes. As they entered the gardens, deserted at this hour, the slowed their pace, pausing their conversation to gaze at each other.

They sat down on a small stone bench. Rachel crossed her legs as she sat, the slit in her dress revealing a generous amount of thigh. They sat quietly for a minute, almost studying each other.

Reaching up, gently, she carressed Ivanova's face, brushed her hair back, traced a finger across her lips.

Susan felt her breath quickening as she leaned forward, accepting the offer that had been made a short while ago, across a table. Almost detached, she noticed the sweet smell of the woman's perfume as their lips met. The kiss was soft, sensual, and over far too soon.

Tentatively, Ivanova slid her hand onto the other woman's naked thigh, even more aroused at the feel of the soft, smooth skin beneath her fingers. Rachel pulled herself closer and resumed their kiss, longer this time, parting her lips, inviting Susan in.

When she broke away, her heart was pounding in her chest, her breath coming hard. She snuggled in close, moving her lips to Susan's ear, nibbling gently at her lobe, her neck.

A small, clicking sound startled them both, and Ivanova quickly pulled back. The sat very still for a minute or two, listening. Hearing nothing, they both let out a nervous laugh. "How about going back to my room?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know. This is awful sudden."

Rachel leaned forward again, kissing Susan's neck, nibbling at her ear.

Ivanova let out a shuddering breath. "Okay, okay. Let's go to your room, before someone finds us here."

Rachel grinned and took her by the hand as they got up and hurried from the garden.

end