It has been brought to our attention that you are the owner of a large pinata capturing, processing, and selling corporation. Our organization, STOOP, is a charitable organization that's primary goal is to shut down corrupt corporations like yours, you eater of snakes!! We would love to see your whole corporation go bankrupt, out of money, and see you live in a cardboard box, you son of a blonde. Then, maybe someone would come and take YOU out of you natural environment (in your case, from under a rock) and force you to go into a factory farm. Of course STOOP would never really wish such a thing to happen to anybody, but this is the life that YOU give to millions of pinata's each year, and STOOP asks you to consider your terrible actions, you murderer.
Sincerely,
STOOP
P.S. You probably aren't smart enough to empty water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
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