Liar Liar Pants on Fire
'Oh goody, finally a good-looking one.' Audrey grabbed the file next to her and read his particulars. 'Hmmm, Special Agent Fox William Mulder. X-files division? Interesting.' She looked up and studied the man behind the one-way-glass. He was shaking his long legs restlessly and peering curiously at the laptop in front of him. His brown hair was slightly ruffled and his tie crooked. He had intense hazel eyes, the kind that would probably bore into your soul if you looked into them long enough. No wedding ring. 'Yes, there is a God! Okay Foxy, you may begin now!' She entered the command code and began the test.
Mulder straightened when the laptop stirred to life. He read the instructions on the screen aloud. "SLY Detection Test Version 1.24 (Under experimentation.) Please answer all questions as quickly as possible. Do not skip any questions. Begin by pressing any key. Good Luck!" Mulder smirked to himself. 'I can't believe Skinner sent me for this load of BS.'
*Please state your name.*
Mulder grinned. Might as well have a bit of fun. He typed #Spooky#. Audrey frowned as his answer appeared on her screen. 'Great, a Smart-Alec!' She glanced at the monitor on her right expecting a wavy line. A flat steady line? That's weird.
*How are you feeling at this moment?*
#Great# The line wavered. Audrey smiled, that question gets them every time.
*Describe yourself in one word.*
#Paranoid# Steady line.
*Favourite colour?*
#I'm colour blind# Steady line.
*Basketball or baseball?*
#Basketball# Steady line.
*Favourite dwarf?*
#Doc# Series of waves.
*Reading or watching TV?*
#TV# Steady line.
*Classical music or Rock music?*
#Neither# Wavy line.
*What is your idea of an ideal vacation?*
#Area 51# Steady line.
*Which do you think is more evil? Greed or power?*
#Power# Steady line.
Audrey groaned. This is way too boring. She bit her lip as a naughty thought crept into her head. Seconds later, she gave in to the temptation. She waited until Agent Mulder typed in the answer to the last displayed question and she switched off the automatic question feeder. She started typing her own questions.
*When did you lose your virginity?*
"What?" she heard Mulder exclaim through the intercom speaker. "Is this some kind of joke?"
'Opps, maybe I went too far.' Audrey grimaced.
#15# Steady line.
She grinned, so he was going to play along.
*Do you prefer blondes or red-heads?*
#Red-heads# Steady line.
*Tall leggy women or short women?*
No answer. Audrey looked up. Agent Mulder was frowning. Slowy, he replied.
#Tall# Wavy line.
*Blue eyes or green eyes?*
#Blue# Series of waves.
*The bed or the couch?*
#Couch# Steady line.
*Morning or night?*
#Morning# Steady line.
*Ideal place?*
#Office# Series of waves.
Audrey's brow crinkled.
*Involved with anyone at the moment?*
#No# Wavy line.
She rolled her eyes. 'Of course he just **had** to be in love with someone. Come on God, give me a break.'
*Someone at work?*
#No one# Wavy line.
She groaned again. 'Someone at work.' A loud rapping on the door behind her made her jump. She turned to find a petite red-haired lady sizing her up with her blue eyes. Audrey stood up quickly, using her body to block the view of her computer screen. "May I help you?" she asked the intruder.
"I'm sorry I startled you." Dana nodded towards her partner. "I'm Agent Mulder's partner. Is it all right if I had a few minutes with him? It's quite urgent."
"Sure. He's nearly done anyway."
"Thanks." Dana walked out and closed the door behind her. She then headed towards the room beside it and knocked before entering.
"Hi Mulder."
Audrey watched as Agent Mulder's eyes brightened at the entrance of his partner. She glanced at the monitor beside her. Waves, a very long series of waves. She turned her attention back to the two agents in the other room. The lady was leaning against the table, her arms crossed. Foxy was listening attentively to her words.
'Red-haired, short, blue eyes and his partner so they probably share an office……..' A bulb lighted in her head. 'The man is in love with his partner!' Audrey laughed despite her disappointment. 'Oh well…' She sat in her chair and typed in her last question to him.
Meanwhile, Dana was in the midst of teasing her partner. "I knew Skinner would give you something rotten to do after the last report you gave him. But I never expected this."
"Yeah, me neither. However the questions are getting more interesting by the minute."
"Oh?" She peered past him to read the next question displayed. Her eyes widened. "You're right Mulder, very interesting indeed."
He frowned at her reaction and turned back to his test.
*Have you ever had erotic fantasies about your partner?*
Mulder could feel his face turning red. Hastily he typed his answer.
#No#
He watched in horror as the sentence 'Liar Liar Pants On Fire!!!!' started scrolling continuously.
Dana restrained herself from laughing. "Err Mulder, you mentioned that this is a new lie detector test?"
"It's …. ummm…. very new, still has a few bugs in it." Mulder was now furiously pressing the 'Esc' button to stop the scrolling. "Stop it, you stupid piece of junk!" The screen finally stopped scrolling and displayed 'Test Over.' Mulder sighed in relief.
"Erotic fantasies, huh?"
"Oh come on Scully. After five years together, you're telling me you never once fantasized about me?"
"Sure I have Mulder. Mine usually involves chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate."
"Ooooo Scully. Kink-ky! I had one just like yours too, except it was whipped cream. My favourite is the one with you in lace. Then there's one with…" He caught the twitch at the corner of her lips. He sheepishly grimaced. "You were kidding?"
She smiled sweetly. "Uh-huh."
"Well, I was kidding too." He tried to cover his embarrassed ass.
"Sure you were." Dana wasn't convinced. She moved to leave the room. He followed her. "Mulder, next time we're stranded in a motel with only one room; you're sleeping in the car."
He rolled his eyes. "You know I would never take advantage of the situation."
"And I would never allow you too." Dana grinned. "Actually I'm more worried about you having a gross accident next to me in bed. Ewww"
Mulder put on a face of mock horror. "Scully! I certainly have more restraint than that. In fact, the last time I had a wet dream was…..."
Dana cut in quickly. "Mulder, I really don't want to know."
Audrey sighed as the duo departed the test room. She took the next file in the stack. "Agent Jeffrey Spender." She looked up as a tall, skinny man entered. She groaned aloud. "Not back to the dorks again!"
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