Cindy was in a tizzy. The sky was growing dark and it looked like rain. Luckily they had made it through their outdoors wedding without a sprinkle but the odds of the weather holding out for the reception were looking worse and worse with every passing minute.

People were already beginning to move from the wedding garden onto the beautifully decorated patio - with all of its brightly colored floral arrangements - were the reception was to be held. “oh if it starts to rain” Cindy thought, “the reception will be ruined .”

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Cindy’s sister Sandy came running towards her with a panicked look on her face. “Cindy, the band hasn’t arrived yet and the caterers have put shrimp in the salad.” “Didn’t you specifically instruct them not to serve shrimp?”

“Oh” Cindy cried, now visibly becoming upset, “Shrimp?” “We had this all worked out and the catering company assured me that there would be no shrimp”

Holding a cellular phone to his ear Roger, Cindy’s brother, chimed in “the band is stuck just outside of tow, about thirty miles from here.” “They have a flat tire and it looks like they aren't going to make it.” Suddenly it began to pour down rain.

“This is perfect, just perfect!” Cried Cindy through a veil of her own tears. “The most important day of my life and it is totally ruined!” “I can’t believe it.” “This is a complete and utter disaster!”

In this illustration it is quite obvious to see and feel Cindy’s distress. We have all at one time or another planned for an important event an hoped and prayed that nothing would go wrong. And if things did go really wrong we were probably at least a little disappointed.

But what is the real reason for Cindy’s disappointment? Is it that the band didn’t come. Surely in this day and age of modern technology some other means of music could be easily found. Was it the shrimp that caused Cindy’s distress? Probably not. It is really quite simple if you do not like shrimp to not eat them.

If it wasn’t the shrimp and it wasn’t the music then it must have been the rain. But everyone that I have ever heard of who has an outside wedding and an outdoors reception has a back up plan - in case of rain. I think it is reasonable to assume that Cindy, too, had a back up plan. So if it wasn’t the shrimp or the band or the rain that had Cindy so upset, then what exactly was it?

HELP, HOPE AND HAPPY ENDINGS

Expectations. Ridged, high expectations. What had Cindy so “out-of-sorts” about was her expectations. Cindy had painted the perfect beautiful picture in her mind of the exact way that she intended or expected her wedding day to go. Down to the very last “Shrimp” detail. She had replayed the mind-movie of her wedding day over and over again until she knew it by heart.

When that movie started to fall apart - in real life - Cindy, too, started to come apart. As soon as the perfect picture that she had painted in her imagination began to fade then all of her world began to lose its color and beauty. Cindy had rehearsed - in her mind - the script to this movie so many times that she recite it in her sleep. She knew just how she and her groom would dance to the bands music she even saw the people gazing at her and her new husband as they glided around the glorious patio stage.

She could hear in her mind the approving comments from her guests of how wonderful the food was and how cultured her tastes were in choosing the menu. Cindy had perfected this wedding day scenario so much that she could even see the correct angle of the sun shining through her and her grooms champagne glass as the celebrated their new marriage with a toast.

But suddenly and abruptly - her movie was torn apart. She was becoming stressed because she no longer knew how to react. She hadn’t rehearsed - in her mind - a wedding in the rain. Or a dance inside of a wedding hall to the sound of a CD instead of a live band. She hadn’t prepared for the possibility of the disapproving sounds of guests muttering under their breath about how she could expect to be a good bride when she cannot even plan a successful wedding.

Cindy's expectations had been shattered and all she could do now was sob and proclaim her wedding day ruined. “All of these things have ruined my day!” she would exclaim. Little did she know that these “things” - the band, the shrimp, and the rain had nothing to do with her day being ruined. It was her having become a prisoner to her own expectations that was having a ruining effect upon her wedding day.

She was stuck in her own self-scripted scenario. She couldn’t maneuver from her own movie. She had become imprisoned by her own picture, tied to her own tail - if you will.

Expectations. Cindy had tied all of her hopes and dreams for the day to her expectations. To things working out “just so”.

“Wait a minute. Aren’t you being a little hard an the poor girl. After all it rained on her parade.”

The only one being hard on Cindy is herself. And “it” didn’t rain on her parade, she rained on her own parade by being tied to a set of expectations that were impossible for her to control.

Imagine for a moment that same wedding, on the same day, with the exact same set of circumstances occurring - only this time Cindy has merely planned for the day. While - yes - she wants the sun to shine and the band to play while her guests eat a shrimp-less salad, she has not lived that exact scenario over and over in her mind.

This time when the skies grow dark and it looks like rain Cindy simply says “ I think it might start to rain. We’d better move the reception inside.” And when her shaken siblings arrive on the scene with news of “no band and salad shrimp” Cindy calmly and in good humor responds “ If the guests do not like shrimp in their salads then they can simply take them out and we shall all dance and celebrate to whatever music we can find. And if there is no recorded music then we shall all sing whatever songs we can think of. It shall be a glorious day.”

This new Cindy is not bothered by the unforeseen events of the day because she is not “tied” to any expectations.

“I think I get it now - “things” don’t bother us - only when our rock solid expectations are threatened do we become bothered. And since they are our own self-made expectations, then it is we who bother ourselves.”

Exactly. Get rid of your ridged and overly high expectations and you won’t become “bothered”.

“That sounds nice, but how do I get rid of my expectations?”

You have already started to get rid of your expectations by first becoming aware that you have them and that they are what is causing your distress. Becoming aware of your expectation thoughts is a form of cognitive awareness and becoming aware of those thoughts is half of the battle. You are half way there.

“I like the sound of that. Can you tell me more?”

Yes. Once you have become aware of those “expectation thoughts” you can then work on and at letting them go. Each time you catch yourself starting to paint too many pictures of a future event just stop, return to the present moment, and tell yourself that “though I may wish for these things to turn out in a particular way, I can be perfectly happy however future situations may unfold.”

In the same manner, if you find yourself becoming distressed while a life situation is unfolding in a way that you hadn’t expected just tell yourself “this isn’t the way that I had planned for this event to occur, but that’s OK. Everything will work out fine - it always does.”

We can learn this from our second “ Cindy.” When she became aware that her wedding day was taking new twists and turns she did not let it overcome her. She used that “turn of events” to watch something new, unique and possibly entertaining occur. Can you imagine a couple of hundred of wedding guests trying to think of and sing songs together. It could be a truly unique and memorable occasion.

Our second Cindy turned a potential negative into a positive. She had learned the art of “letting go”. Letting go of her preconceived expectations. She was not a prisoner to her minds “perfect pictures.” She was free to flow with the unfolding events of life. She was indeed truly free and destined for delight instead of despair.

Once you have mastered this new and exciting insight - you too, will be just like our second Cindy. Free to go with the flow. Free to fly.