Disclaimer: Forgive me Paramount I have borrowed your characters and written something sad. You could have done this and still denied Janeway a meaningful relationship. But I guess you don't do poignant. Anyway - you own Voyager and everything connected with it.
Do What You Have To Do By Morgan I knew as soon as I saw her that she'd be perfect. Watching them now, strolling along the beach hand in hand, bodies close, eyes only for each other I see that I was right. I wish I could take more comfort in that. She is beautiful - and young. Curious enough to want to see the stars, travel to far off places, intelligent enough to carve her own place amongst the crew and stubborn enough to stand up for herself. You see, all this time hasn't been completely wasted. I know what kind of woman Chakotay falls in love with. I used to be that kind of woman myself. She laughs and his head turns enough towards her for me to see his smile and my heart plummets at the recognition. I remember when he used to smile at me like that. I don't think he suspected what I was doing. After I met her, realised how good they would be for each other, I backed out of the negotiations, turned them over to him, agreed without a demur with his suggestion that we spend a few weeks here, to restock, recharge our batteries. Manipulative? Damn straight. But fate, or Chakotay's need to love someone was on my side. He didn't have to fall in love with her, but he did. She didn't have to return those feelings, but she does. There, the ending I wanted, all debts to him are repaid and I no longer have to worry about my First Officer's feelings for me. He will be happy, loved and cared about, while I grow old, bitter and lonely - which is no doubt how it was meant to be. At least this way I'll be able to fool myself that I wasn't the one to let go. Not being able to do that has kept as at an impasse for all this time, a different solution was required and I've always been so creative. At least this way I can keep loving him in secret without ever having to find a way to do so in the real world. At least this way his capacity for love will be fully realised, not wasted on someone who will never be able to reciprocate the way he wants. They came to see me a few hours ago, still basking in the glow of their new feelings. She wants to come with us, with him I should say and I need all the
crew I can get. Another scientist, we probably have a lot in common - beyond the obvious. Of course I said yes, it was what I planned all along, and we all know how important it is for me to be right. If I cry myself to sleep, well that's just between me and the pillows. If I've taken to sleeping on the couch so as not to hear them making love, well, it's probably better for my back. I see a future ahead of me, of perpetuating a myth I have created and the sad thing is not that I will do it, but that I know I can. I've had a lot of practice in making people believe the most unlikely things. So I know that spending years making Chakotay belive I don't love him is well within my capacity. Forgive me Chakotay, if you can. For loving you too much to go on seeing you miserable and defeated, for loving you too much to let you go and for not loving you enough to find a way. I want to call his name, even now. Call him back to me before he is too far away, fall into his arms and never let him go. But I open my mouth and all that comes out is a whisper, a plea that only the west wind hears. The End Based on ‘Do What You Have to Do’ From Surfacing by Sarah McLachlan
