Disclaimer: Hello Paramount, I do know they are yours and I really mean no disrespect. I am not really infringing your copyright, look at it as a kind of tribute.

Ages ago someone set a challenge that involved using Cole Porter lyrics. I’ve always loved this song, but it’s not exactly the story I meant to write.

Always True To You (In My Fashion)

Forgive me Starfleet but I have sinned. I have strayed far from the path of protocol and standing orders. I invited the Maquis to join my crew, made a deal with the Borg and, it’s fair to say that my application of the Prime Directive has not been entirely consistent. I am a long way from the reliable, obedient Captain you sent on a three week mission a lifetime or two ago. And, just so you know, in the next two hours I intend to stray a hell of a lot more. You won’t be pleased.

Of course, no one is perfect, not even Starfleet Captains. We all have our little idiosyncracies, our foibles, our skeletons in the closet. But I can see why you were sure of me. I can understand how you reviewed my record, the combination of science and command and gave me Voyager. I realise why you thought Tuvok would make a good spy and that I’d be the ideal candidate to sort out the Maquis.

I am the second generation of a Starfleet dynasty, daughter of an Admiral, who’d lived and breathed Starfleet all her life. My one infraction, my one episode of depression was way behind me (and you all understand what caused it anyway). You’d had a dozen Counsellors put me through my paces and then turned me loose to see how well I held together under fire; Cardassians, the Borg, I never wavered, did I? So I’m sure you knew I’d be more than a match for the Maquis. Even a Maquis ship with a former Starfleet officer for a Captain.

That my life was so respectable and stable must have helped – my relationship with Mark was hardly a secret, and though I’m sure in private some of you scratched your heads and tried to work out what we saw in each other, still it was a solid partnership. No chance of my being seduced by a handsome rebel and running off to join the Maquis. I was the ultimate safe pair of hands.

And the irony is you were right about all of those things. But all the factors that made me the ideal person to help Starfleet clear up ‘the Maquis situation’ also made me the worst possible person to be stranded on the wrong side of the Galaxy. It’s a good job I was still enough of a scientist to know how important it is to improvise. Seven would say I adapted, but between you and I, I made it up as I went along.

But still I tried to play by your rules. ‘This is a Starfleet ship,’ I said on day one, only to admit two years later that we were a community, a family. We still have rules and regulations, we still file reports, but the focus of our activity is to keep the ship running smoothly and to find our way home. And since you neglected to write any guidelines on how to do this, we made up our own. They have a spirit of Starfleet about them, but that’s about all. You won’t be replacing your book on how to run a ship with the Voyager version.

I’ve kept the faith for a long time, more or less. I’ve trotted out the Prime Directive and tried to make it fit circumstances it was never designed for and I still will. Just don’t expect me to kneel before this holy grail of space exploration when we return home. I don’t see it as the answer to every problem anymore.

And then there’s the sex. Five years, wait look at that number again, FIVE years without sex. What kind of dedication and devotion to duty is that? If I was hearing this about a person I didn’t know I’d start questioning their sanity. Who would be so obsessed with denial and duty that they would allow themselves to go without an intimate touch, a stroke, a kiss or a caress for that length of time - a masochist or just a woman with her head up her arse? How many male Captains do you think would have denied themselves in such a fashion for so long? Damn straight, not many.

I’ll confess, I’m going to blow that sentence of self imposed celibacy in grand style. I mean if you’re going to do something you might as well do it properly. When I was a teenager I never dragged an entirely inappropriate boyfriend home to shock my parents. But I’ve been the good little Starfleet Captain for so long now, perhaps it’s only fair that you should bear the brunt of my transgression. You see my family will like him. That’s right Starfleet officer, turned Maquis rebel, turned Starfleet officer again. And in his spare time my lover, or he will be in a couple of hours. I should probably add that I’m in love with him, have been for years, but I doubt that will make you feel better.

I’m not being disloyal, I’m just seeing things clearly, for the first time in a long time. I’d apologise, in fact I already have, but not to you. You aren’t the one I’ve hurt for all these years by not seeing the reality of our situation. Any making up I do will be taking place in the very nice bed you put in the Captain’s cabin, not in the austere corridors of Headquarters. Try to understand, after all, I was always true to you … in my fashion.

The End