She found the darkness of the room oddly disturbing. Strange to have stood your ground against countless deadly foes, to have clawed your way back to Earth only to find yourself afraid of the dark.

Well, not afraid exactly - but certainly disquieted. Perhaps it was that her imagination people the darkness with the ghosts and ghouls of her past. They were all there - reaching out to her from beyond the grave, friends, loved ones, enemies - her victims. Clamouring for her attention, or her repentence.

The courtroom she was standing in echoed with the history of Starfleet, with the momentous decisions that had been made here - she'd sat a little further back about a decade ago and watched a treaty with the Cardassians being signed. Not a memory she was keen to revisit. As she let her attention wander she began to hear snippets of dialogue that she recognised from the last few weeks, heated debates, the pain of witness statements, the long, technical, legal explanations of the charges... and the verdict.

It was the greatest victory of her career - the Maquis acquitted of all charges and free to go. She ought to be celebrating with the rest of the crew and their families - but she had begged a moment, needing the silence, the privacy to adjust to what had happened. For the first and only time in her life Cpatian Kathryn Janeway had expected to lose.

But now that she hadn't, now that she could at last acknowledge that she had completed the mammoth task she had set herself over six years ago, she was having to face the fact that she still felt lost and empty.

'Feels a little strange - doesn't it?' His voice echoed softly around her and she had to fight back the images of him defending his life and his actions in this very room and the feelings of helplessness she had experienced watching him face his accusers - beelieving that whatever happened, they would never let him go.

'What does?'

'Being free - without responsibilities,' the comment, 'without anything' was hanging between them - but he would never admit that and she would never speak the words and so the silence overwhelmed them.

Until, in a voice that even she was unconvinced by she said, 'So Chakotay, I suppose you've been delegated to bring me to the party?'

'Sorry, no. I'm not really in the mood for a party. My shuttle leaves in an hour. I've come to say goodbye.'

He couldn't leave, just like that? Could he - just walk away as though none of it had meant anything?

'Where will you go - what will you do? I mean I know there isn't much to keep you here in San Francisco - but don't you at least need to plan, to think things over?'

'There isn't much to think about - and I think well in space. I'm heading for Dorvan first and then I'm going to find a quite place to work, a house by the sea perhaps.'

'What will you do?' But she knew the answer to that, 'you're going to study palentology?'

'I've had my time amongst the stars Kathryn, its exciting but its not the way I want to live for the rest of my life. I like the idea of feeling the ground beneath my feet.'

She had no argument to give to refute that. How could she, in all conscience deny him the life he wanted, the chance to be happy - after so much struggle and heartache. If he needed peace now, who was she to insist he remained in an existence that had brought him nothing but discomfort.

'I'll miss you.' She managed, looking up at him and then deciding that it was unwise to do so when her eyes misted over.

'I'll miss you too Kathryn - but...'

'Yes - what?' She responded eagerly - too eagerly.

'We'll stay in touch.' She was almost sure that had not been what he had intended to say, but she could hardly call him on it.

'Yes - safe journey Chakotay.'

'And you. I hope you find what you're looking for Kathryn.'

As he turned to walk to the door, she faced the revelation that she already had found what she was looking for, found everything she needed in fact - and now she was letting him walk away without even trying to stop him.

'Wait - ' Her voice was enough to bring him to a halt, he turned round to look at her earnestly. What the hell was she supposed to say now? The bastard, why wasn't he helping her? Summoning all of her courage and strength she said, 'don't go, don't you dare leave me.'