Through This Dark Night - part 10

The Oval Office was slightly more crowded than she was used to at 7.30am. As CJ stepped back into the room she couldn't fail to notice that more people had arrived during her brief absence. She cast a professional glance in the direction of the TV crew and, satisfied that they were getting on with the job in hand and that Mandy was watching their every move, she took a moment to look around her.

There were more Secret Service Agents in evidence - unobtrusive, more or less, and if she hadn't been able to tell the difference she wondered if she would ever have noticed how much tighter security had got over the last few hours.

It was unusual for the First Lady to be here at the start of the day, but she was watching protectively over her husband and her daughter while sparring an indulgent smile for a very fragile looking Charlie, who had arrived for work at his usual time this morning and had refused to be sent home. Right now Charlie was trying to fend off a seriously over-protective Zoe with his one, good arm - but CJ thought he probably wasn't trying that hard.

What really struck her, despite the hustle and the bustle of the room, was that so few of the people she was used to spending her working days with were here. There was no sign of Josh, who was still unconscious, or of Sam and Leo - although Sam and Leo were both now up to receiving visitors. In fact her first task of the day had been to put Margaret into a car and send her over to Leo's hospital room with a copy of the statement that the President was due to give in the next half an hour. She'd just returned from a phone conversation with Leo, still moved by his words of praise and encouragement. She wasn't sure what it said about her or Toby, or even their friendship that they had coped through such a long and difficult night. She was quite sure that they did not deserve to be complimented for falling back on what they knew, what they were employed to do, in the face of chaos and confusion.

A conversation she'd had with Toby over breakfast at about 6am came back to her. She'd remembered, suddenly, that when Danny had challenged her over misleading the press her response had been,

'I'm sleeping fine tonight.' It was ironic, given that in fact her sleep had been haunted by nightmares and she had taken refuge in work as an alternative to facing those demons.

The memory had been a disturbing one and of course, Toby was far too perceptive a companion not to notice that she had suddenly become upset. He'd asked her about it and then listened quietly while she tried to explain. What she was remembering now was the way he had calmly scolded her for her fanciful notion that her words had somehow tempted fate and his carefully worded accusation of arrogance - if she really thought that she was powerful enough to bring about disaster from a throw away remark. He really was very smart - since sympathy was about the last thing she would have been able to stand. His gentle mocking had been a much more effective way of making her realise that she was finding ways to blame herself as an alternative to accepting that none of them had been able to control what had happened.

Right now Toby was with The President, they were standing over by the windows, engaged in what appeared to be an earnest discussion. If they were talking about the statement they were doing so without any of their customary abrasion - although that was hardly surprising. The remarkable piece of writing Toby had produced in the early hours of the morning wasn't going to need as much as a word changing.

As she watched them The President looked up and beckoned her over to join them,

'Good morning again CJ,' his greeting held a little of his customary energy.

'Sir, she turned to Toby and enquired, 'did you call your brother?'

'I did. He and the 'astonewts' are doing fine. Did you call your parents?' This was another of the things they'd talked about over breakfast, both having realised they'd been so caught up in events the previous night they'd done nothing to contact their families and let them know they were OK.

'Yes. My mother thought I looked terrible when I was delivering the statement and my father reminded me that had I married Joey Paxton from High School I could have three kids and a house with a pool by now.'

Both men stared at her in amazement, Toby cleared his throat and apparently decided that was one conversation he was staying well away from. The President wasn't quite so reticent,

'CJ, I hope you gave your parents my regards?'

'Well, I thought about it Sir, but then I remembered they've always voted Republican.' She considered herself rewarded when he cracked a small smile in response, even though he suppressed it almost at once.

'Did you talk to Leo?'

'Yes sir. He said I was to tell you to leave the statement alone.'

'That's what he said?'

'Absolutely, he also asked me to tell you to listen to the First Lady, he didn't specify what about. I assume you know what he's referring to?'

'Oh yes, I know.' He looked over at his wife for a moment and then back at both of them, 'you two look exhausted, you didn't sleep at all last night, did you?'

'Not a great deal,' Toby agreed.

'After the broadcast CJ can brief the press and then you will both go home for the rest of the day. In fact I don't want to see either of you here for the rest of the week.'

'Mr President,' it wasn't exactly a surprise when Toby started to argue, but this was a fight CJ decided he was predestined to loose.

'I don't want to hear it Toby, there are enough members of my senior staff in hospital right now. I'll be damned if I'm going to add you two to the list. The First Lady's staff can watch the shop for a few days.'

All three of them realised that Toby would simply work from home and that arguing over this would be futile, CJ thought he might be prepared to give it a try anyway and she was grateful when Mandy interrupted them.

'CJ?' As she stepped away to speak to Mandy and the TV crew she failed to hear President Bartlet ask Toby in a quiet voice,

'How's she doing?' Toby watched her thoughtfully for a moment. She projected an image of calm competence and though he knew that she was struggling he also knew that the image was one the Bartlet administration was benefiting from at the moment. It was that which had anchored him throughout the night, in fact from the moment he'd set eyes on her after the shooting.

'About as well as the rest of us,' was his eventual answer.

'Mr President,' CJ called over to them, 'we're about ready to begin, the autocue is working, although we'd like you to test it.'

'CJ there's a call for you.'

'Carole,' CJ sighed at the interruption, 'this isn't a good time.'

'Go - take it.' Toby gestured to the door, 'we're OK here.'

'I'll be right back.'

As it became clear that the broadcast was about to begin the room became quieter, more sombre. Toby watched anxiously as The President tested the autocue and then looked up, searching the room for Toby and as their gazes met, he nodded once or twice, his outstretched hand resting on the sheets of the statement. The sincerity and emotion of his expression was unmistakable and Toby felt himself looking back, desperately trying to convey respect, admiration and to add a little to the inner strength that had carried their leader through the darkness of the last few hours.

He took his seat on the couch and was not aware that CJ had returned until she spoke,

'I have some news. I've just come off the phone with the hospital; Josh is awake. Sir,' she turned to The President, 'he asked me to tell you that he serves at the pleasure of President Bartlet and that no one can change that - except you.'

'Thank you CJ.' President Bartlet looked around the room and said, 'before we speak to the nation, I just want to say to everyone in this room that I have never been so proud of my staff and my family as I have been over the last few hours. You have all been remarkable and I thank you for your help, your strength and your kindness.'

CJ perched beside Toby on the arm of the couch. As the moments before they went on air ticked away they were looking at each other finally, with hope and without fear.

The End

Well - apart from the Epilogue.