"In Sanity" ... Jokes


"GO BACK IN TIME - compliments of sunriseF"

Close your eyes.....And go back........

Before the Internet or the MAC,
Before semi automatics and crack
Before chronic and indo
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo

Way back........

I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.
Sittin' on the porch,
Hot bread and butter.
Eatin' a 'super dooper sandwich'(Dagwood),
Red light, Green light.
Chocolate milk, Lunch tickets,
Penny candy in a brown paper bag.
Hopscotch, butterscotch, doubledutch
Jacks, kickball, dodgeball, y'all!
Mother, May I?
Hula Hoops and Sunflower Seeds,
Jaw breakers, blowpops, Mary Janes,
Running through the sprinkler (I can't get wet! All right, well don't wet my hair....)
The smell of the sun and lickin' salty lips....
Wait......

Catchin' lightening bugs in a jar,
Playin sling shot and Red Rover.
When around the corner seemed far away,
And going downtown seemed like going somewhere.
Bedtime, Climbing trees,
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers,
Cops and Robbers,
Cowboys and Indians,
Sittin on the curb,
Jumpin down the steps,
Jumpin on the bed.
Pillow fights
Being tickled to death
Runnin till you were out of breath
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt
Being tired from playin'.... Remember that?
I ain't finished just yet...

What about the girl that had the big bubbly hand writing??
Licking the beaters when your mother made a cake.
Didn't that feel good.. just to go back and say,
Yeah, I remember that!
Remember when...

When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers),
and the only time you wore them at school, was for "gym."
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.
When nobody owned a purebred dog.
When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a huge bonus.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.
When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.
When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, everyday.
When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time. And, you didn't pay for air. And, you got trading stamps to boot!
When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.
When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed ...and did!
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.
Disapproval of our parents and grandparents was a much bigger threat!

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"TO MY CHILDREN - compliments of jlady"

To My Children...

When I spill some food on my nice clean dress
Or maybe forget to tie my show
Please be patient and perhaps reminisce
About the hours I spent with you
When I taught you how to eat with care
Plus tying shoe laces and your numbers too
Dressing yourself and combing your hair
Those were precious hours spent with you
So when I forget what I was about to say
Just give me a minute - or maybe two
It probably wasn't important anyway
And I would much rather listen to you
If I tell a story one more time
And you know the ending through and through
Please remember your first nursery rhyme
When I rehearsed it a hundred times with you
When my legs are tired and it's hard to stand
Or walk the steady pace I would like to do
Please take me carefully by my hand
And guide me now as I did for you
"REQUEST FOR A RAISE - compliments of Pied^Piper"

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

  • * I do physical labor
    * I work at great depths
    * I am always using my head first
    * I do not get sickdays, weekends off or public holidays
    * I work in a damp environment
    * I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
    * I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
    * I work in high temperatures
    * My work exposes me to contagious diseases

    Response from Human Resources:

    After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

    You do not work 8 hours straight
    You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
    You do not always follow the orders of the management team
    You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
    You take a lot of breaks
    You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
    You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
    You don't always observe OSHA measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
    You don't like working double shifts
    You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work
    And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!

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