Top 11 Lists!
Top 11 ways you know that you've been dumped.
- 11) She never returns your calls.
- 10) She slams the door in your face.
- 9) She puts water moccasins in your bathtub while you are taking a bath.
- 8) She says it's over.
- 7) You walk in on her and your best friend.
- 6) She takes long trips to the bathroom wherever you go, and goes into the men's room.
- 5) She says that she wants to have sex... Without you.
- 4) She tries to staple you to the wall.
- 3) She tries to blowtorch your head.
- 2) No, other head.
- And the # 1 reason is.... She rips out your heart, stomps on it a few times, and then slams it in a door for good measure...
Top 11 reasons why you should dump your girlfriend.
- 11) She looks at other men, disappears for a good 10 minutes, and when she returns, she looks disheveled.
- 10) She has skid marks on her panties.
- 9) Her biggest fear in life is that she will run out of hairspray.
- 8) Either that, or that 90210 or Melrose Place will get cancelled.
- 7) Her idea of a good date is you slapping down $80 to take her to some fancy shmancy restaraunt and then when you finally get back to her place she won't even kiss you goodnight!
- 6) Her panties have a revolving door.
- 5) She's sleeping with your best friend.
- 4) She comes at you with a knife screaming something about alien mind control.
- 3) She looks at dogs with a wonton grin in her eye.
- 2) She has long nights with her "girlfriends" that normally end up with you hearing screaming sounds coming from the room where they are chatting.
- And the #1 reason is... Her idea of sex is a man, a bottle of massage oil, a whole lot of pleasure, and you 6 hours away!
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The top 11 reasons you can tell you're too much like Leisure Suit Larry.
- 11) You walk around in a white leisure suit.
- 10) Your motto is, disco isn't dead, it only sleeps!
- 9) You go for women who are OBVIOUSLY out of your league.
- 8) Your entire world revolves around getting laid.
- 7) Your relationships never last longer than one game.
- 6) Your women all have sex with you not too long after you meet them.
- 5) You are clueless when it comes to women.
- 4) You are a multi-millionare, but yet still work for other people.
- 3) You have this notion that you are irresistible to women.
- 2) Women are actually repulsed by you.
- And the #1 reason how you can tell that you are too much like Leisure Suit Larry... You're 40 and STILL are a virgin!
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Worst 11 things a Cafeteria lady could say to you
- 11) That's my hair! (She's bald)
- 10) Is that tuna surprise, or pizza?
- 9) Get the cows ready Vinnie!
- 8) What's taste?
- 7) Sure I know how to make beef wellington! First you take a cat...
- 6) mmm... I sure enjoyed last night...
- 5) Bob! Get me some more of that orangish stuff that you got from the hall!
- 4) It's maranated in a SECRET sauce...
- 3) That's not chocolate...
- 2) You got the meat for my bun?
- And the #1 worst thing a lunch lady can say to you is... The main dish? Me of course...
The Top 11 Things That can Ruin Your Day!
- 11) Finding out that your girlfriend is cheating on you.
- 10) With your father.
- 9) Getting out of bed and stumbling into an alternate universe.
- 8) Getting abducted by aliens.
- 7) ANY sort of anal probe.
- 6) Having a test in quantum physics, when you don't even have the class.
- 5) When the world ends.
- 4) When Bill or Hillary Clinton hits on you.
- 3) When they both do it.
- 2) Waking up next to someone who you vaguely remember from some drunken haze.
- and the #1 thing that can ruin your day is.... Dying... It just has to suck!
Top 11 Uses For an Apple II
- 11) Paperweight!
- 10) Something to test out the law of gravity on.
- 9) Test your knowledge of antique parts and take one apart!
- 8) Learn to write in outdated languages like BASIC!
- 7) Play all those really nifty Apple games like.. Oh wait... Nevermind..
- 6) Learn your monochrome greens!
- 5) Makes a great ashtray!
- 4) Set it on fire and use it as a heater!
- 3) Footstool!
- 2) Use it to show children that life was like BN.. (Before Nintendo)
- And the number 1 use for an apple II is... Take a sledgehammer and vent all your Windows error frustrations on it!
I'll try to get some more up when I think of them!
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