Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

The War Against Demon Guinea Pig's

I see that you are a brave soul (either that or just stupid) for continuing after the warning. It's people like you that I need to help me fight the secret war against the Demon Guinea Pigs. You laugh---Well you won't be after the Demon Guinea Pigs come to your town and kill everyone. So now your wondering what is the hell is he talking about. Well let me tell you. Then after you understand why I am waging a war against Demon Guinea Pigs then check out the DGP Pics.

Demon Guinea Pigs

What is a Demon Guinea Pig?
Think of the most powerful thing you can (I mean like a black hole, supernova, etc., not Brian Rasmussen---I know he's really smart, good looking, strong,ect but not him okay). Double it. Add big teeth. Remove all goodness. Wrap it in a cute, friendly guinea pig costume.
What do they look like?
Demon Guinea Pigs look exactly like regular guinea pigs.
How can you tell if it's a Demon Guinea Pig and not a regular guinea pig?
You can't, at least not without years of highly specialized training. To be on the safe side, all guinea pigs are considered suspect, and should be terminated with extreme prejudice.
What makes Demon Guinea Pigs so dangerous?
Well, apart from the fact that they can rip whole towns apart, they are incredibly friendly. Just think of how insidious this war is. The DGPs can move around the countryside with relative impunity. They are mistaken for harmless and sweet animals. Using their cuteness as cover, they can infiltrate our communities, seduce our loved ones, and take over the world.
Where do Demon Guinea Pigs come from?
This is unknown right now. Current research indicates that they may be from another planet, or possibly another dimension. They most widely accepted theory is that they are the spawn of the devil and were sent to earth to do his bidding. There are other theories, but keep in mind that the DGPs are, for the most part, an unknown quality.
What do Demon Guinea Pigs eat?
Oh, the usual. Carrots, lettuce, etc. They also have a taste for beer and other alcoholic beverages (This is one way you can tell DGPs from normal guinea pigs). Oh yeah, and they love human fingers, toes, and noses...
How long do Demon Guinea Pigs live?
Hopefully as short as possible. But if you are talking about natural life spans, they normally live about 20-25 years. This has apparently been increased by our science advancements, to about 50-60years.
How do Demon Guinea Pigs communicate?
Guinea pigs, in their natural state, communicate with a complex series of non-verbal signs. DGPs use this same form of communication and also are able to understand English. Due to they're lack of writing ability they are forced to type messages on computers to other DGPs. Plus, it makes them seem cuter.
Are Demon Guinea Pigs good to eat?
No. In fact, they are rancid, tough, and stringy. Although they evidence a strong fondness for human flesh, we should pride ourselves on not stooping to their barbaric level. At least until they start breeding a better tasting guinea pig...
What's the best way to cook a Demon Guinea Pig?
If you are, for some reason, forced to partake of DGP flesh, follow these simple recipes: Build a large bonfire. Make it as hot as you can. Toss the guinea pig into the heart of the flame. Now wait until the fire dies down. Remove the DGP's ashes and sprinkle on buttered toast. Build a small fire. Prepare the DGP to taste with your favorite seasonings. Nail the DGP to a 2x4 board. Cook until golden brown. Now discard the DGP and eat the board.
How can I help?
You can email me and tell me you're joining the war against Demon Guinea Pigs. I'll add you to the list of poeple helping to save the world from this evil menace. You can even apply for a leadership position. And then you too can start joining in on the DGP killing spree!

Back to the Homepage