My Favorite Jokes...
An old man turned 115 and was being interviewed by a reporter for the local paper. During the interview, the reporter noticed that the yard was full of children of all ages playing together. A very pretty girl of about 19 served fresh tea. "Are these your grandkids?" the reporter asked. "Naw, they all my younguns," the old man replied with a sly grin. "Your kids?" said the reporter. "What about this beautiful young lady who keeps bringing us tea? Is she one of your children too?" "Naw," said the old man. "She's my wife!" "Your wife?" said the surprised reporter. "But she can't be more than 19 years old!" "That's right!" said the old man with pride. "Well, surely you can't be having sex with a 19 year old!" the reporter remarked. "Sure" said the old man. "We have sex every night. Every night two of my boys helps me on her, and every morning six of my boys helps me off." "Wait just one minute," said the newspaperman. "Why does it only take two of your boys to put you on, but it takes six of them to take you off?" "Because" the spry old man said, wagging his fist, "I fights 'em!"
A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that this pet shop are charging seem very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog." "Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs." The woman is stunned, but as her husband loves this sort of sex, and she isnot particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be bothered by her husband that night. She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and pouring over cookbooks. "What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your sorry ass is out of here!"
A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she looks down and sees a really ugly frog. Picking the frog up, she comments on the creature's rather hideous appearance. Princess: "My, but you are really an ugly frog!" Frog: "I know, I know, I got a really bad spell on me." Princess: "Well I've seen frogs with spells but, none as ugly as you." Frog: "Look, leave me alone lady. I told you, it's a really bad spell." Princess: "Well even so, if I kiss you will you turn into a prince?" Frog: "I don't know lady, a spell this bad will probably take a blow job."
A very distinguished looking lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated lady in his shop, runs over immediatly and asks if he could help her. To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her silk dress and points to her right inner thigh.... very high up. "Right here," she says, "I want you to tattoo a turkey, and underneath it I want the word 'Thanksgiving'." Then she points to her left thigh....just as high up, and says "On this side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel on top, and "I want the word 'christmas'." The owner looks at her. "Oh, lady, it's none of my buisnesss, but that is probably the most unusual request I've ever heard. Why in the world do you want to do that?" "Well," the lady said, "I'm sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's never anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."
A young brave was being inducted through his manhood ceremony to join the warriors of the tribe. He was faced with 3 tents. In the first one was a gallon of plum wine, which he had to drink in one go. In the second was a mountain lion with toothache, he had to remove the painful tooth. In the third was a woman who had never had an orgasm, etc, etc. He entered the first tent, and after a while staggered out, very drunk, holding the empty wineskin. The warriors all applauded. He staggered into the second tent with the tribe all holding their breath. There were terrible screams and growls, which got worse and worse as time went on, culminating in such a loud shriek that the tribe was convinced he must be dead. But finally he staggered out, bruised and bleeding, and said, "Now take me to the woman with a toothache..."
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