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The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

Two yankees are driving through Texas, when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The Trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and WHACK! ...The trooper smacked him right on top of the head with the stick. The driver finally comes to and asks, "What the hell was that for!?" The Trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car." Not wanting to make his situation with the law any worse, the driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here." The Trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and WHACK! The trooper smacks him with the nightstick also. After he recovers, the somewhat dazed passenger asks, "Holy smokes, Man!! ... What did you do that for?" The cop answers, "Just making your wishes come true." Still incredulous, the passenger follows up with, "Huh?" The Trooper says, "I know how you yankees are! Two miles down the road you're gonna say, "I wish that redneck bastard would've tried that shit with me!'"

One day, two girls from Georgia were sitting on their front porch swing. One of them had just gotten back from the big city of New York and was telling her friend all about it. She says, "You know," with a heavy southern drawl, "they have women up there who have sex with other women." Her friend gasps, and replys, "Oh, do tell! What do they call them?" "They call them lesbians," the first girl tells her. "And they have men who have sex with other men." Her friend gasps once again, and says, "Oh, do tell! What do they call them?" The first girl says, "They call them homosexuals." The first girl looks around to make sure no one is looking and whispers to her friend, "And you know... They have these men... Who'll put their face in a woman's private parts... And kinda lick around and stuff..." The friend gasps once again and whispers back, "Oh, do tell... What do they call them??" After looking around once again to make sure no one is listening, she whipsers back, "I don't know... I just patted him on the head and called him 'Precious'."

Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it     up...suddenly a female genie appears from the bottle. "Master, I may grant you one wish,"says the genie with a smile. "Hey, Bitch... don't you know who I am... I don't need no woman togive me nuttin!" barks Rodman. The genie pleads..."But Master I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever." Dennis thinks a moment.. .then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all...he says "OK, ok.. I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning. So just do it!" (giving the genie an evil glare) "Now leave me alone!" he screams.     So the very annoyed genie says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle. Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken,  and he has no health insurance.

Today the world was stunned by the news of the death of the EnergizerBunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred approximately 8:42 last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going, and going.  "Pinkie", as he was known to his friends and family, was alone at the time of his death. An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put the bunny's batteries in backwards and he kept coming, and coming, and cumming... and cumming...

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting, because they don't smell and are silent." The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor", she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly." The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing.

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