FYI, I haven't been raped, had an abortion, or anything like that. I'm NOT depressed. I am a really happy person!!! It's just that those are just the most interesting subjects to write about. It's hard to pump out good poetry about grass and trees and happy hearts. So don't get your underpants in a knot.
© by Jenny
(this is a poem that I wrote based on the character Eustacia from the book The Return Of The Native)
Caged
Freedom shelved
And shame deferred
Heart heavy and unsettled
With contempt she had concurred.
Dreams of escaping her prison
In this blemish of a heath
Walked constantly across her mind
Evading thoughts beneath.
The battering stares of others
Corner her in her cell
The resolute hope to abscond
Lies a wish in a bottomless well.
The heath restrained her from running
Like chains about her feet
Dutifully, they kept her captive,
A reminder of defeat.
This land had become a parasite
The people, a clawing curse
Each day her shield would sink lower
And continue to submerse.
To compliment her dark manner,
She befriended the thickening night
Still, neighbors and the land itself
Would consist of searing light.
Even with the feeble blackness
Where shadows danced across her face,
The scintilla when she felt at ease
Scarcely met her grace.
Her cogent dream was the reasoning
For the mystery in her eye
Hating scavengers of impotence
Their pitiful fixation gone awry.
A looming hate for the people
Grasping the ties holding her down
Abiding by their fallaciousness
Confusing smile with a frown.
The grip on her decorum
Obscured, and becoming weak,
Lack of all but monotony
Inclined her suffering to peak.
While no one ever saw
Her dark eyes fill with tears
Remaining in her dreaded home
Would lurk within her fears.
Her flowing black hair would glisten
Like the feathers of a bird
The bird, calling to its heart's content
While her scream would go unheard.
She was the bird with the empty glare
Peeking between the bars
Consumed by hatred for her cage
And yearning for the stars.
She's told she can fly free
But with wings tightly bound
So she relents to the pits of imprisonment
Where all happiness was drowned.
This cage that they call home
Looms despair at its worst
Choked by impossible freedom
Lies a melancholy thirst.
Such saturation of the mind,
And a bitter hope that won't extend
This beautiful bird, now drenched in misery
Gathers suffocation without an end.
She knows that remaining caged
Could only lead to grief
When all was lost she'd come to find
That death was a relief.
Wonder
Did wondering ever get anybody anywhere?
I guess it did-- Sir Isaac Newton looked up to wonder
Exactly what caused an apple to fall and conk him on the head.
Now the scientists love to scribble in their notebooks
And applaud the man who wondered why apples fall from trees.
These days, there's nothing that simple left for us to wonder.
"Learn these formulas, learn how do these problems, read these books."
You can't even walk down a country road without recognizing a tree from a poem you recently analyzed,
Or wonder the chemical formula of the fertilizer that keeps the weeds from growing over the side.
I wonder if I'm the only one that wonders, because surely I can't be.
Am I the only one who sees a man pumping gas
And wonders if he knows where his wife and kids are
Or if he is even living in this country legally?
Am I the only one that marvels at the fact that the earth bullets through the universe at 1117 mph,
Yet a butterfly can still land so delicately on a petal.
I wonder why I'm glad that the clouds move slow
So I can catch their gentle forms in my eye
And relate their shape to something very earthly and grounded,
And not nearly as beautiful.
I wonder why it has been so long
Since I laid on my back to do that.
I wonder why it is,
That if a man were to do that,
He would be sent to a place with plastic silverware
And special outfits with no sleeves.
I wonder why it's been so long since I watched the clouds
Billowing like a sail across the sky.
I wonder why I see the sky
Every time I look into my grandmother's eyes.
My grandmother, that never saw Europe.
That never saw the Eiffel Tower, or the London Bridge.
My grandmother, that lived happily all the same.
Wondering can't be silly,
Because then we would still think that the earth was flat
And the ocean has an edge to fall off of.
We would think that every time it rained,
It was the gods weeping at our sins.
We would think that our grandmother's eyes
Were painted by the same brush that painted the sky.
And our teachers would tell us we are wrong.
So you don't always have to answer a wonder.
Just let it move like the clouds,
And fly like the butterfly;
The only thing that is truly prodigious,
Without teachers to write it up in white chalk on a dusty board.
Teachers make students hate something so beautiful,
Trying to test a beauty that has no correct answer,
A beauty so undeserving of hate
That the gods cry,
And we call it a disturbance of equilibrium.
A beauty so undoubtedly blue,
That I swear I saw in my grandmother's eyes
When she smiled down at me.
The same smile I once saw in the clouds,
Until it fell away in rain.
The beauty worth the wait,
For the thunder to drain
The pale sadness to fade away
And the sun to kiss its blue dome.
The happiness that kissed the iris
Of the very old woman,
That nobody ever found debatable.
A beauty without question;
Something to be wondered about,
In such a fast-moving world.
The Paradox Dance
A leaf that I had never seen before
Blew past my ear one day
It was red, with yellow veins winding a maze along its shiny surface.
This leaf put all the others to shame.
Already brown and crisp with age,
They looked agonizingly miserable alongside it.
But the striking appearance of this leaf
Was certainly not what had caught my eye.
It was the way it twirled in the wind,
Dancing with its partner like it knew every beat
To a melody that was audible to no other;
The song of the wind, whose every note lifted the heavenly leaf
Higher and higher off the ground
Like a couple whose dance had only just begun.
The other disheartened leaves rested calmly,
Tied down by the binds of the pale grass
Restrained in envy of this entrancing sequence of flight.
Without pity for those stationary spectators,
I find myself jealous as well.
Wishing I could flow in the wind,
Allow it to carry me far away
To a place where everything is this simple,
Where everything is a dance like this one.
I had a picture in my mind, of grace, and this was it.
I willed the wind to continue blowing
And save this beautiful leaf,
The prevailing enchanter of its kind
And the luminary that tugged my eyes to follow its every move.
Without warning, I felt the breeze end.
I listened for the rustle of the trees, but I did not hear it.
I watched the leaf fall to the ground
To settle there, motionless.
The wind did not return to rescue the abandoned beauty.
And so it lingered there, and I walked away
Sorry that the moment had passed.
The leaf remained, reclined on the sidewalk,
Soon to be flattened by a pedestrian's foot,
Or perhaps a child's bicycle.
Sadly, without the wind, it could not even tremble.
It became no different from the others.
It could not be seen without the wind to assist it through the air
In a pattern so admirably fluid.
Alas, the wind, without the leaf,
Is unable to show itself as well,
Concealed by its own arrogance and strength.
While the leaf, contained by its timid grace,
Has no arms to pick it up,
No whisper to reassure its escape,
And no song to dance to.
Without each other,
Beauty is a sacrifice,
Having been handicapped by obstinacy for far too long.
Without each other, their beauty is idle.
And the two are just like all the others.
Alone.
Without a dance.
Wait
When a fragment of time loses such simple meaning
And the cry is overwhelming, deep within my throat
It hurtles upward, burning until I let it out
Only to be an absence of words
An empty sound.
I wonder if I sit here, alone
Thinking of him. Is he laughing,
Am I a joke.
People tell me my lower lip quivers when I am about to cry.
Is it quivering now? I cannot tell.
All I know is that the cry is forming in the depths of me
And I must release it
Even if it is only meant to bottle my desperation
Into a single sound, that echoes through the air
And fades like music.
A tune that rings faintly,
A tune that nobody hears, or remembers.
Only to be felt by the one whose lips it escaped from
Never the one who it is meant for
Which makes its melody deepen into a sadness seperate from its own
Deciphered into a linguistic appeal
To be met by the eyes of its master
And to seep into their shallow darkness
To return to its home so close to the heart
That is the generator of its sadness;
Struck a few too many times
Left alone a few too many times
Felt to be a joke a few too many times.
Is there no sense in this heart at all, in waiting
For a figure that has no face
Veiled by a shadow
A figure that may never come,
But still I wait for.
Now the figure I see, that laughs
Mindless laughter, I pretend he is my veiled one,
My figure that I can touch only deep within my heart
But never before my own eyes.
My figure, that I wait for.
Patiently.
[ this poem was inspired by a bunch of radicals that held up giant posters of bloody fetuses outside the McDonald's by my house ]
Lifeless
The night, so full and gentle
Let's you ride upon its wings
Don't feel the shadows right beside you
Or hear the songs it never sings.
With his arm around your shoulders
In the warmth where you like to curl
Dream of the days before you loved him
Just a boy, and just a girl.
The flame of the room's single candle
Has long since blown away
Carried out by a gentle breeze
Yielding unto day.
Face the truth that lies before you
And the choice you carried through
Don't turn away from the memory
Of what they took from you.
You know it was for the best
But yet a part of you still dies
You find yourself in wonder
If it had its father's eyes.
The night has revolved to day
Now the sun, it makes you cry
You find that wishes have no meaning
So kiss the stars goodbye.
Gone And Still To Come
Take a step closer
And grace this sullen place
Look upon it with wide eyes
And with your gentle face.
You find the waters run like ice
And the air, it's far too thin
So warm it with your laugh
And tame it with your grin.
Please don't wake me from this moment
Hold the dance of a single flame
Let me dream of it forever
Because what's real is not the same.
Loneliness can't find us
Love will always win
The past now paints a picture
And you hold me once again.
Close my eyes just to remember
All the lovely words you say
Now lift me higher as I sleep,
And lead me far away.
Bleak craving
She was the sweetest song
Ringing hollow in his ears
The prevailing soul
Merciless in his fears.
The origin of his desire
Colder than the rigid night
Haunted by her beauty
Unrelenting in his sight.
Too induced by this fantasy
And unaware of her sinister face
She had him crudely daunted
And enamored by her grace.
She'd smirk and watch him falter
Each time she glanced his way
Amused to watch him gawk
And not know what to say.
Narrowed eyes inset like stones
To which he was so fond
Each time she moved, his love would grow
Like ripples in a pond.
So perfect in his eye
And helpless to fierce love
He never thought it strange
That his angel couldn't cry.
He prayed his eyes were fooling him
Saw kindness in her glare
A rose garden was what he'd make
Out of the dragon's lair.
So consumed by this illusion
Now benighted of her deceit
Still intrigued, yet hopes decreed idle
Grown fatigue from her shameless conceit.
His heart remains plagued by her memory
The past never looked so grim
He shakes with enmity when he closes his eyes
From the malice she'd imposed on him.
Darkness forever empowers
Daylight long ago complete
At last, his love lay still,
Soundly at her feet.
Siren drench my ears
Reality leave me be
This life I've left behind
Pray my soul set free.
Soiled and welcoming mercy
Abound, I'm scrubbed so clean
Astonished by secluded beauty
In all the things I've seen.
Envy leaves you in shame
Of what you've always known
Driven to desire
Existence you didn't own.
Impermeable tied boundless
Happy to some extent
Annihilate perplexity
No pride without consent.
This life, as I look it over,
So long, and yet, so brief
Swarm a cursing regret
For those I've turned to grief.
Now go on and face that heaven
The prize for my life gone past
Lower my body into the dusk
Misery sleep at last.
Starlight
Somber darkness lay quietly
In the overcast dream in which we rest
The dusk agrees to vanish
Starlight as the crest.
From an infinite distance
It ceases to fade
Unmistakable and lucid
Shines its saga made.
You see it with a newfound beauty
That day it lit up your face
And the moment dawn arrived
It vanished without a trace.
The starlight had always been with you
Shining in your eyes
The first time you took notice
The sun began to rise.
The billowing night is helpless
You sleep a restless sleep
The starlight seeks to waken
The dream you cannot keep.
That single streak of light
Never shall return
Others come but can't compare
Now you know how it is to yearn.
Wary of your dreams
Avoiding what passed you by
Left only with a loss of hope
When dreams begin to die.
That day you saw me walk away
Ignoring your desperate cries
Radiant, I disappeared
Starlight in your eyes.
Bang me bad
It sorta burns
Like the fire in your eyes
Knowing you'd be quick to
Stifle any cries.
The inside of your eyelids
Is where you laid your gaze
Afraid to see my eyes
And their coat of teary glaze.
Expect no more than dirty grunts
Between your thrusting hips
No gentle kisses flutter
Just the smothering of lips.
It's a quick one this time,
He stands, pulls up his pants
Zips his fly, smooths back his hair
Leaves the room without a glance.
Even you
Even the most truthful
Can be caught in a lie
Even the most beautiful of flowers
Begins to wilt and die
Even the strongest of men
Will grow to be weak
Even the most dedicated searcher
May find nothing left to seek
Even the brightest of colors
Can grow pale and fade away
Even the most articulate of all
May not know what to say
Even the most generous person
Can have nothing left to share
Even the most loving individual
Sometimes seems like they don't care
Even the finest of ships
Has days when it won't sail
Even winners
Have moments when they fail
Even in paradise
The ocean can be rough
Even the fastest runner
Sometimes isn't fast enough
Even the most common
Is different from all the rest
Even perfection isn't perfect
And can't always be the best
Even when you have it all
You'll find you can still lose
Even the funniest comedian
Meets crowds they can't amuse
Even the bravest soldier
Deep down has hidden fears
Even the boy who never cries
One day finds himself in tears
Even in heaven
Angels may fall
Even your scream
May project a silent call
Even the most stubborn
Eventually will learn
And then you discover, when you get too close
Even sunshine will burn.
Even you will realize this
Before you hadn't known
Even you can fall in love
And find you're not alone.
The following poems suck.
__________________________________
So Blind
Trust meant that she loved him
Trust meant that she cared
Trust meant that she gave him faith
Then why was she so scared?
How sweet she thought he was
Had left with his angered glare
The bad was what had frightened her
And the bad was mostly there.
At first he was so tender
So kind and full of heart
And then one day he got so mad
And she saw the other part.
The pain and shock came
With each blow
And started a pattern
She'd come to know.
Her friends began to notice
How she was distraught
Eventually she lost all hope
That he would be caught.
He threatened to kill her
If she told
She never knew
Of a gaze that cold.
And when she thought
She could take no more
Candy and roses from him
Would settle the score.
Soon she closed herself up
Too afraid to speak a word
It might set him off
And nothing was assured.
It was too hard to defend herself
She reached the point where she didn't try
After he left her beaten
It hurt too much to cry.
Once her sister
Questioned a large black bruise
She said she hit the door last night
When she tripped over her shoes.
The time came when he hit her
So hard she cracked her head
She made a choice that day
As she lay in the hospital bed.
She still has the scars to prove it
Yet the memory dim
Her predator is imprisoned now
But there's many more like him.
She remembers and she wonders
Was there more to find
A victim, like all the others,
Hurt, abused
And blind.
Goodbye
Instead of moving closer
You took a step away
I waited just to hear your words
You didn't know what to say.
I asked you to come with me
You said another day
When I wanted you to hold me
You looked the other way.
At last I start to notice
We just can't be the same
I begin to see you differently
Yet you're not the one to blame.
Our actions have caught up with us
And so we meet once more
You tell me not to waste a wish
It can't be like before.
I know I will remember
I'll think of that look in your eye
I'll think of they way you kissed me
The way you said goodbye.
It's Hard
It's hard when you're not here
I always wonder why
It's hard when you're not near
No shoulder where I can cry.
I'd love it to be with you
But this is not the case
It's hard when you love someone so much
But you can't even picture their face.
It's hard with all these thoughts
Racing across my mind
It's hard without you here
No one to hide behind.
It's hard to know I love you
Yet you're so far away
It's hard not to hear your voice
Silence night and day.
It's hard to feel this longing,
Tugging at my heart
It's hard to keep on waiting
Until the pieces fall apart.
It's hard that I can't stop loving
Someone I've never seen
It's hard not to know if you love me too
Not knowing what you really mean.
It's hard when I have this image
Of this guy that's sweet and kind
It's hard to not be with him
But I know it's him I'll find.
The Outsider
There always is an outsider
The broken crayon in the box
It seemed they'd glide with simple ease
I walked on jagged rocks
I was the puppy with the broken leg
The one that no one would hold
I was the one that sat on the side
The last one to be sold
I never felt like I belonged
I wanted to make them see
When I was gone
They'd feel remorse
Regret what they'd done to me.
I see the world as a better place
Without me there
Just another ugly face.
When I go up against life
There really is no match
I can't make a difference
Not a single tiny scratch.
I was alone and I was trapped
No way out
Nobody heard my endless shout
I needed help
No one was there
No one to see my ice cold stare.
I didn't want to live
To see another day
So much I could have done
I threw it all away.
My life, you see, is over.
It just had to end.
This could have been prevented
Had I possessed a friend.
You Are My Hope
We must keep our love silent
We must deny, we must lie
We must escape to a haven
But here we cannot cry.
No one could know
Of our reasons to be
We kept our eyes open
And still could not see.
You tell me to hold on
All I want is to do is fall
You held me when I wanted
But ignored that desperate call.
Now as I weep,
I shed a tear for you,
And now I walk alone
And my heart, at last, is true.
As my tears continue flowing
I remember and I sigh
I realize it was you, who taught me how to cry.
I think about that feeling
When I look into your eyes
I thought we could have made it work
But I couldn't teach your lies.
The lies you told to protect me,
From the danger up above
And now I do this for you,
I do it out of love.
You are my rock, my shield, my guide,
You are my prison
You are my pride.
You the angel in my eyes
You're all the pain and joy I cope
You are my friend, my life, my love
You are my faith
You are my hope.
© all the way to albertane
