Humor In Neuropsychology
Hearing
Memory
Looking Back
Cognition In Dogs
Amazing Optical Illusion
The Eyes Are The First To Go
Superman In His Later Years
Milk of Amnesia
Comparative Anatomy of the Brain
Alexia? Agnosia? Reduced Visual Acuity?
No-Nonsense Personality Inventory, a useful addition to your battery
Introduction to Computers for Neuropsychologists
Higher-Order Visual-Spatial Reasoning
DINNER ARRANGEMENTS
A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner.
Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses
there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they
should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is
very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they
should meet. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there
in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they
should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant
is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they
should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a
great idea because they have never been there before.
THE MOVE
A somewhat elderly gentleman, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great-looking suit, flower
in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after-shave lotion and presenting a well-looked-after image,
walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an attractive older lady. He decides to make his move.
The gentleman walks over, sits along side her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her,
and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
BROTHEL TRIP
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," he says.
"90!" replies the woman. Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"
TRYING TO REMEMBER
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami.
They had been meeting at that park every sunny day, for over 12 years,
chatting and enjoying each others' friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says,
"Please don't be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed.
After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I
just can't."
The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing
for two full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says,
"How soon do you have to know?"
SEMANTIC CUEING:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
the wives retired to the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen got to talking,
and the first one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and
it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The second man asked, "What was the name of the restaurant?"
The first man sat and scratched his head and thought a long time. Finally,
he replied, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know ... the one that is red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?" asked the second man.
"Yes, that's it, " replied the first man said. He then turned toward the
kitchen and yelled, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went
to last night?"
INFIDELITY
Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a
secluded garden behind the center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.
One evening, Annabel, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat, and before they
know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Howard turns to
Annabel and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks "What?" and he replies "SEX!!!".
Annabel exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"
"I know", Howard says, "but it would be nice if a woman just held it for a while".
"Well, I can oblige", says Annabel, who gently unzips his trousers and removes his manhood
and proceeds to hold it. Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where
they would sit and talk and Annabel would hold Howard's manhood.
Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Annabel
decided to find Howard and make sure that he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen
home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident who was holding
Howard's manhood! Furious, Annabel yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does she have that
I don't have?!?" Howard smiled and replied, "Parkinson's!"
MORRIS THE MAN
At age 85, Morris marries a lovely 25-year-old woman. Because her new husband is
so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms.
She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the wedding festivities she
prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting. Sure enough, the
knock comes and there is her 85-year-old groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal
union and all goes well, whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to
sleep for the night.
After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there old Morris is again ready for
more action. Somewhat surprised, she consents to further coupling, which is again
successful. The octogenarian once again bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and, after a few more minutes, is close
to sleep.
But, for the third time, there's a knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25-year
old and ready for more. Again they ravish one another. As they're basking in the afterglow
the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you have enough
energy to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only
good for one time. You're a great lover, Morris."
Morris, looking quite confused, turns to her and asks, "You mean I was here already?"
TREMOR
Three old men were sitting around complaining about how much their
hands shook. The first geezer said, "My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this
morning I cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him. "My hands shake so bad that when I
trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so
bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times."
GAIT DISORDER
Two neurology residents are standing on a street corner and observing
an old fellow inching his way across the intersection. One says to the
other, "Look at that festinating gait, it must be parkinsonism." His
companion replies, "No way, he's just an alcoholic who is stumbling
along in his cups."
They confront the gent when he arrives at their side of the street,
explain that they have made a bet about the diagnosis, and he replies, "Yer
both wrong boys, me rubbers are loose!"
THE RESIDENTS
Two neurology residents are at the race track and one of them discovers an
attractive lady through the binoculars with an interesting pattern on her rump as
she bends over. He says to his companion, "Have a look at the gal over there,
she's wearing black lace panties under a sheer skirt." His companion has a look
and replies, "No way, those aren't black lace panties; she has a large tattoo on
her ass." They make the bet and walk over to ask her the question to settle the
issue, and she replies, "Yer both wrong, boys. Them's flies!"
Rosemary Lyndal Wemm of Perth, Western Australia posted the following on November 11, 1998:
The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain,
involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The
hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":
1. fighting;
2. fleeing;
3. feeding; and
4. mating.
-- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course
Karen Geller, PsyD posted the following test responses on August 10, 1998:
A 20 year old after a very severe brain injury defined
"falsehood" as "he don't really live there" (hood has become
a shortened form of neighborhood).
A 7 year old girl, when asked, "what is the thing to do if a
girl much smaller than yourself starts to fight with you?",
replied VERY seriously, "Oh, I wouldn't hit her", then
added, "I'd bite her and kick her and scratch her, though!"
Rosemary Lyndal Wemm of Perth, Western Australia posted the following on June 20, 1998:
Some funny answers neuro-psychology patients have given to standard questions.
Q. If you were in a picture theatre and you were the first to see smoke and
fire, what would you do?
A. It depends on whether "Smoke and Fire" was a good picture or not.
Q. How are a tree and a fly alike?
A. {From a somewhat disinhibited chap} Well, they both have roots. ["to
root" is Ozzie slang for sexual intercourse].
Q. Why does the State require you to have a license to get married?
A. So you can drive the bride home afterwards.
Dr. Faith Langlois-Dul posted the following on June 7, 1998:
I have some funny errors that have shown up on dictated reports:
It was supposed to say: Instead it read:
"cyclothymic disorder" "psychothalamic disorder"
"these strengths suggest..." "these shrinks suggest..."
"full blown craving" "full bone craving"
If you have a particularly funny neuropsychology-related cartoon or joke, I will be happy to
include it and acknowledge you as the contributor. Please contact me regarding file formats
which can be posted to this page.
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