Queer Fish Special thanks go out to Andy for the bad-relationship metaphors in 7.2.
“You two been down at the canal all this time? You catch anything down there?”
“Just a couple of queer fish.” I said.
-from Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown
Part Seven
7.1
IMOGENE: It's not that I don't want to be over her...I do...
JAYNE: But?
IMOGENE: But, whenever I see her it’s like...I’m not sure if I feel this way because I really love her, or if I just want to be with her out of habit, because it’s somehow safer, you know, easier than finding someone new.
KATHARINE: But honey, Dena’s not safer. She dumped you out of nowhere.
IMOGENE: I know, I know...
JAYNE: You still wanna get back together with her, don’t you?
IMOGENE: No! Maybe......anyways, I don’t know if I even could take her back, after being betrayed like that....but she seems genuinely sorry....
COCOA: Emphasis on “seems.” She’s lied to you before.
IMOGENE: Well yeah, but I mean, it was understandable, she was afraid.....
JAYNE: Oh, and that’s an excuse for lying?
IMOGENE: No, but it’s a reason.
KATHARINE: Well, it’s not a good one. She cheated on you with that Sade girl.
IMOGENE: Not exactly. I mean, nothing really happened between them.
JAYNE: Oh, come on, Gene. There was obviously something going on with the two of them.
IMOGENE: Well, you know....Dena was confused, and Sade was there....opportunistic bitch....she could have even put some kind of spooky hex on Dena for all I know.
KATHARINE: Yeah. Okay.
IMOGENE: No, seriously. You don’t understand. This girl.....she’s scary. She can do stuff.
JAYNE: You want me to pay a visit to Sabrina the Teenage Witch and tell her what for? (Smacks her fist into her palm.)
IMOGENE: (Sarcastically) Oh Jayne, you’re such a hardass! (Smiling and resuming normal tone.) But, actually, I ran into Dena the other day, and I told her about Sade and stuff, and then right away she took off to go make her stop.
KATHARINE: (Rolling her eyes)How gallant.
IMOGENE: I kinda thought so.
JAYNE: Course, she could of been going over there to get some.
IMOGENE: There is such a thing as forgiveness.
KATHARINE: Well, yeah, but could you really trust her again?
KATHARINE: You wouldn’t be trying to re-direct the conversation, would you?
COCOA: Well, it might not have to do with you. Scott says Jeremy’s been acting really dodgy lately, being all vague and disappearing and stuff.
KATHARINE: What is up with that boy? Either there’s like, something really big going down, or he’s a complete ass.
IMOGENE: Possibly both.
COCOA: We should get Hope and Jeremy together. Maybe they could talk to each other, if they’re not going to talk to us.
KATHARINE: Troubles with Hope?
COCOA: Yeah, kind of. She dropped me like a bad habit.
JAYNE: What? You do realize that now you must tell us all every detail.
COCOA: (Sighs) Well, I don’t know, it just got really complicated. She was always so quiet, and kind of…troubled…
KATHARINE: But you said that was what attracted you—the desire to make come out of her shell and all.
COCOA: It was. I was always trying to make her smile, but she was so....I just got that feeling, you know, that she had all this stuff she wasn’t saying. And you know I told you before that she never wanted to get physical....(Another deep sigh) Well, last week, when Kat was at her dads’ house, Hope came over, and she was crying. I tried to get her to tell me what was wrong, but she would just start talking and then swallow her words. So I’m hugging her, and then....it was one of this weirdly intense moments, you know? And suddenly she’s all over me, like she’s afraid to stop......(She is silent for a several moments) So we had sex, and it was like....it was really, you know, amazing.(Another silence, shorter.) But when I walked her home she was all, I don’t know, fragile....like, even though it was totally consensual, and she was the one who initiated things...I don't know. I was just worried, that I’d upset her or something, so I called her house the next day. And her Mom answers and says that Hope never wants to see me again.
KATHARINE: What the.....?
COCOA: Yeah, that’s what I said! But her Mom wouldn’t tell me anything except that I couldn’t talk to Hope.
JAYNE: That’s fucked up.
COCOA: You’re telling me. I’ve been chased out of places by people’s mothers before, but I’ve never been dumped by one. So I went over to her house and threw rocks at her window, but she wouldn’t come outside. She just kept saying that she couldn’t see me and that she was sorry. And then she just shut the window.
IMOGENE: Ouch.
COCOA: Yeah, well, if that’s the way she wants it, I guess I have to respect that. And anyway, maybe it’s for the best. I mean, she was so intense, and you know how I suck at high maintenance relationships...I probably would have ended up dumping her anyway—commitment just isn’t something I’m looking for at this point in my life.
IMOGENE: Still, that sucks.
KATHARINE: Yeah. Now all of us have just been dumped!
JAYNE: Hey, speak for yourselves.
KATHARINE: If you weren’t seeing anyone it doesn’t count.
JAYNE: Well, yeah, that’s the main benefit of not dating. The not getting dumped.
COCOA: Whatever. You’re the one whose always mooning and moping over your little friend Whatsherface—
JAYNE: Sara.
COCOA: So when are you going to tell Sara that you want to jump her bones?
JAYNE: It’s not like that. I love her.
COCOA: So? I love you, but I don’t go around pining about it.
JAYNE: It’s different than friend love.
COCOA: How different? If you don’t want to jump her bones, what makes it different than any other kind of friendship?
JAYNE: .....I don’t know. It just is. (She seems uncomfortable)
IMOGENE: What about that other girl you’ve been hanging around with? No hanky-panky there?
JAYNE: Ha! With Skye?
COCOA: (To IMOGENE) Obviously you’ve never seen her. (She makes a face.)
JAYNE: Oh, shut up, Ms. I’m-So-Beautiful. She’s a really cool girl.
KATHARINE: But there’s no lust going on there?
JAYNE: No. I mean I told her all about me and Sara.
COCOA: You really need to just tell that girl how you feel. I should like, issue an ultimatum, and refuse to play with you until you do tell her.
JAYNE: (Grinning wickedly) Good. Then I’ll never tell her, just be rid of you! (Looks at her wristwatch) Speak of the devil! I gotta go meet Sara for practice. I’ll see you ladies later.
7.2
“Once I believed that when love came to me / it would come with rockets, bells, and poetry / but with me and you / it just started quietly and grew / and believe it or not now there’s something groovy and good ‘bout whatever we got....”
Alan wrinkled his nose. “What are we listening to?”
Sara poked him in the ribs. “It’s Mama Cass. Just shut up and listen to the words.”
“I don’t feel all turned on and starry-eyed / I just feel a sweet contentment deep inside/ holding you at night / just feels kind of natural and right / and it’s not hard to see that it isn’t half of what it’s gonna turn out to be....”
“What’s that last part supposed to mean?”
“It means, instead of growing to despise each other like a regular couple would, we will continually improve on our wonderfully fucked-up and gloriously co-dependent relationship.”
Alan smiled the slow smile that Sara loved. “I have to admit, you are far superior to any boyfriend I ever had.”
“Yeah? What’s so bad about them all?”
Alan took a deep breath. “Well. First there was Paul. I was just coming out, and he seemed like a nice enough guy, but only wanted me as a little sex toy. Then there was Chris, who used me as a withdraw-only account—let me lavish affection on him, but neglected to tell me was that he all ready had a boyfriend. And then finally there was Jonas, and he..... well, he had issues, and apparently I was the perfect psychic voodoo doll.”
She took his hand and threaded their fingers together. “Oh. I see.”
“So really, in comparison, this is the least screwed-up relationship I’ve ever been in.” He had just laid his head on her shoulder when the doorbell rang.
7.3
Jayne struggled through the door guitar-first, and Sara went to help her get her backpack off. “Oof,” said Jayne as it dropped to the floor. “I brought all my notebooks so that we could go over everything we’ve got so far and—” She stopped mid-sentence when she saw Alan. “Oh. Hi.”
Sara was all ready in the corner, extracting her own guitar. “It’s okay, Alan was just going to hang around while we jam.”
But Alan, registering Jayne’s frown, said “Actually....much as I would like to stay and perfect my adoring-boyfriend-of-the-band-member gaze, I have to get to work.”
“Oh. Well.” Sara replaced her guitar. “I’ll walk you out, then. Be right back, Jaynie.” Jayne watched through the window as Sara walked Alan to his car and gave him a lingering hug.
“Boyfriend?” Jayne demanded as soon as Sara came back inside.
Sara smiled. “Not boyfriend-boyfriend. Anti-boyfriend. We’re the anti-couple.”
Jayne blinked. “The what-now?”
“The anti-couple. It’s like, all the good parts of being in love, without any of the paranoia and baggage.”
Jayne frowned. “Which good parts of being in love?”
Sara looked up from her guitar at Jayne’s scowl and laughed gently. “Never fear, my darling, I haven’t crossed over to the ‘Dark Side.’ It’s purely platonic. Although sometimes I wish...”
“You wish what?”
“I wish that he could be a girl. I mean, we’re so perfect together, it would make things so much easier if we were attracted to each other to boot. Like, we have all the ingredients, if only he was a girl, this would totally be the love of my life.”
Now Jayne grinned, striking a Van Halen pose with her guitar and singing, “‘It’s got what it takes, tell me why can’t this be love?’”
Sara laughed again. “More like ‘why can’t this be lust?’ Love we’ve got.”
“Yeah, well, you never know. Just because you’ve got this weird friendship with Alan doesn’t mean you won’t meet someone and fall in love and lust.” Jayne peered at Sara slyly over the rims of her glasses. “Heck, the girl could be right under your nose.”
“But see,” said Sara, twisting a tuning peg, oblivious to Jayne’s expression, “I don’t know if I’d want a girlfriend now, even if I found one. It would screw things up with Alan, and he’s like, my soul twin. I don’t want to mess it up.” She finished tuning her guitar and straightened up. “But what are we doing sitting around talking about my pathetic pseudo-dating life? We’ve got new songs to work on.”
“Yeah.” Jayne sighed as one of her guitar strings snapped.
7.4
It was still early in the evening when Dylan settled into his room for a night of Animal Planet and working on his comic. He had just finished the first panel when Luke burst in and shucked off his sweaty sports jersey.
“Um, hi,” said Dylan.
Luke started. “Damn! You scared the shit out of me!”
“Sorry.” Dylan averted his eyes, trying not to ogle his stepbrother’s naked torso.
“It’s okay,” said Luke, with an easy, expansive smile. “I’m just not used to having a roommate.”
Dylan kept his eyes cast down. “Me neither.”
Luke followed Dylan’s gaze to the small drawing-board Dylan held in his lap. “What’s that? ‘Love and Lasers?’”
“It’s my comic,” said Dylan, lapsing into show-off mode. “The Adventures of Sockpuppet.”
“Yeah?” said Luke. “I didn’t know you were an artist.”
I didn’t know you gave a damn, thought Dylan, remembering he was supposed to resent this intruder. But all he said was “Well, now you know.”
Luke sat down and started to unlace his sneakers. “So what’s it about, your comic?”
Dylan decided to take a calculated risk. “Well, it’s about Sockpuppet, this superhero, and, um, his adventures….this issue is about Robot and how....he falls in love with Sockpuppet, and they fight the evil mutated Shari Lewis monster together.”
Luke paused in the midst of changing his socks, a delayed reaction as it dawned on Luke that Dylan had meant to refer to both characters as “he.” An awkward silence ensued. Dylan fidgeted with his pencil, wondering if he was going to get any kind of reaction out of Luke at all. He wasn’t expecting to hear Luke ask, in a neutral tone, “So, uh, what do you do with this comic?”
“Oh, uh, my friend, she prints it in her zine.”
“That one girl that always calls you?”
“That would be her, yes. Skye.”
“So is she, like, your girlfriend?”
Dylan arched an eyebrow.
Luke held up his hands. “Hey, sorry I asked.” His hand crept along the dresser top until it located his keys and a pack of cigarettes. “Oh, and if the parents ask,” he said, “tell them I won’t be back until late, okay?” And then, without waiting for a reply, he turned and bounded out the door.
Dylan tried to forget about it all evening, but as he lay in bed trying to sleep, he couldn’t get rid of the image of Luke without his shirt on, the intimate tone in Luke’s voice when he’d asked about the comic. Dylan was pissed at himself for even thinking these things—after all, this was Luke. Luke was preppy and popular and stupid. He drove an SUV and used the word “gay” as a derogatory adjective. But still, there was something....
Dylan tried to reassure himself. There was nothing. They’d exchanged a few words. He’d outed his comic-strip character. So he found Luke attractive. Very extremely hot and attractive. But just because he found Luke attractive didn’t mean he was necessarily attracted to Luke. It didn’t have to mean anything. Dylan had grown accustomed to his own asexuality and was comfortable in it. What was he worrying about, anyway? The guy was his stepbrother, for Chrissakes.
Dylan turned onto his back and closed his eyes.
He was just dropping off when he heard the bedroom door softly open and close.
Through his eyelashes, Dylan saw that Luke was kneeling right next to him. Puzzled but too sleepy to register surprise, Dylan lay perfectly still. He felt the sudden warm pressure of lips on his lips, and then he heard Luke stand up and climb into his own bed. He listened as Luke’s breathing eventually became slow and even.
Dylan, however, remained wide awake.
Will Imogene really take Dena back before Sade can interfere?
What will happen on Tommy and Jeremy’s first date?
All these will be answered in Queer Fish Part Eight: A Kiss Is Just A Kiss, coming soon!
All hell breaks loose as your favorite homoteens lock horns and lock lips. Don’t miss it!
Confused? Check out previous installments at the Queer Fish Archive.
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