2. “It was so unbearably hot at my last book signing. Of course, the waiting line was backed out into the parking lot—as usual—so they HAD to leave the front doors open all day.”

3. “Good help is so hard to come by. My secretary, for example, only types 70 words per minute.”

4. “What do you mean, the love scenes in your book weren’t supposed to be funny? I laughed so hard I got a cramp.”

5. “My publisher is so generous. With my last advance check, we bought a summer home on Sanibel Island, matching BMWs, and started construction on the new servants’ quarters.”

6. “You look so much heavier/older than your book jacket photo.”

7. “Is your editor still in that twelve-step program?”

8. “Nora Roberts invited me to her house for lunch the other day. Something about wanting me to co-author the next book. I hated to disappoint her, but I simply HAD to get my nails done.”

9. “Oh, I know your agent. What a lovely man/woman he/she is. And I personally never believed a word about all those embezzling charges.”

10. “I think I’ve had 150—wait, no—160 novels published. And you?”