Intro To Bleeding Heart Stories

Being a teenage female, living in Southern Illinois, with a background of being abused, neglected, and manipulated by men; is arduous. In this day and age, I would have to say that being a woman is one of the hardest physical characteristics to overcome. There are so many expectations for me to fulfill for each one of my daily roles. These roles include a student, sister, daughter, tutor, babysitter, employee, and sometimes counselor to friends. My life is a constant struggle to survive these few years of torment, destruction, and annoyance.

Growing up, I constantly had guys swooning over me. They would whistle and compliment the way my body moved when I walked by, along with many other generally disturbing comments. But this was only the beginning, it continued to get worse as I began dating. It was hard for me to decide which males were deserving of my prescence. So, I ended up with someone furtherest from reasonable. Jason abused me in every aspect of the word, making me terrified to sleep at night: for fear that I would wake up in the morning and the situation/problem would have become even more disturbed. The abuse was only part of what I received from the relationship. I was considered to be a part of him, playing the role of his little princess one minute, and his maiden Cinderella the next. So, I picked up on the mind games and war tactics that he used to get what he wanted. I later used this information to get away from him. As with all traumatic experiences, you never fully recover. I lived the next three years of my life believeing that I was good for nothing except to clean, cook, and make men happy. And another two years thinking that I was an object instead of a human being.

The next obstacle to overcome was my friendship with Jeff. I wanted so much to believe that I, too, could be loved. I was lied to and cheated on, bringing hundreds of failed relationships. Being naive, I gave in to the demands upon me and "got myself" pregnant at 16. The father, Jeff, denies all responsibility, leaving me to deal with my family and other loved ones. They make me listen to lecture after lecture about "What I can do to go above and beyond the call of duty." Complete strangers were placing judgement on me.... casting me out of civilazation because I was having a child outside of wedlock.

Furthermore, I'm not sure what pressures that males face everyday. From a women's point of view, it doesn't really matter because women will always take the cake.

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

How am I to go forward when I can't even raise my feet to walk. I've lost everything that I had to get me through this life and I don't have the willpower to proceed any further. I'm afraid of what might happen to me and those I keep company with. Not afraid that I will die, just fearing what I will have to live through. Why are these thorns thrown into life? Why must I be forced to grin and bear it? Can anyone tell me what true happiness is, and have I ever experienced it? When do the rewards come, if there are any? When do the rewards come, if there are any?

I want order in my life. I want that "Oh so special" fairytale ending, but I continue to set myself up for disappointment. My dreams and expectations for my life can't be met, because of the high standards I set for those around me. I dream of a world that doesn't exist.... A world without tears. A world where my heart can go on living and not bleeding.