Friend Or Foe

I felt in love with yet another man who has asshole written across his forehead. I often wonder why I am always the last to see these blatently obvious characterisitcs in a man.

Here's a picture of him. He thinks he's the undertaker. hehehehe

I suppose that I should start at the beginning. Ronald Wayne Smelcer and I met August 13, 1998. We instantly had an unexplainable chemical attraction. For the next four months we fought over anything and everything. We couldn't even decide whether or not to be friends, lovers, or hate each other entirely. Then on November 19, 1998 we could no longer fight the uncontrollable passion that we had held back for so long. After all the screaming, and mountains of tears, we ended up in a pile of blankets on his kitchen floor. All the passion and fire we had used to fight each other, was just as strong when loving. I had finally given myself to someone of my own free will.

I had just gotten a place of my own, and I wanted to show off my trailer. So, for my birthday that year some friends threw a party for me. Everyone was so drunk by the end of the night, that they just wanted to get home and go to bed. Which left Ronnie to "take care of me." In a drunked stupor, I had laid down in a puddle of Hot Damn. I was insistant taking a bath and washing my hair, but there was no hot water, and we couldn't get the pilot light lit. It took us three hours to make a bath using boiling water from the stove and coffee maker, before we got in.

Immediately after our sexual encounter, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was pregnant. I had that same feeling within me, that I did with Toby. Ronnie then decided that he wanted nothing to do with me. His first instinct was to run away to a place where no one would ever find him, so he wouldn't have to face up to his responsibilities. Then he told me that he honestly wanted to punch me in the stomach so that the baby and I wouldn't ruin his life. He wanted me to think about giving the child up for adoption. Later coming up with the idea to give the baby to a friend of his, Maureen, that was 40 years old and couldn't have children of her own, until we could"get on our feet." Finally, "It wasn't his," and I was just another slut trying to trap him into marriage. He even had his parents believing that I got him drunk and raped him in the bathtub. (I can see that one; 120 pounds of nothing that stands 5' tall holding down a grown man with martial arts training that stands 5'10" weighing 170 pounds of virtually all muscle... A Huh. Right!) He refused to go to all doctor's appointments or take part in the baby's life in any way. He even went as far as to tell me, "As far as you go, you stupid cunt, you are dead to me!"

For the rest of my pregnancy Ronnie was no where to be seen, but that didn't stop him from interfering in my life. Somehow, Michael Bright, Jason's brother, broke into my email account and got ahold of my address at the trailer. He then located Ronnie, knowing that Ronnie hated me, through emails sent back and forth. Ronnie then proceeded to give Michael specific directions to my trailer after he couldn't find it on his own, knowing that Michael wanted this information with full intent to kill me. March 28, 1999, Michael broke into my trailer and tried to kill my daughter, October. Luckily I was able to redirect his attention, and locked Toby in her room. I was four months pregnant, and held at knifepoint for three hours by an insane individual. I feared for my life, and the life of my children. Apparently the neighbors had heard all the ruckus and called the police. Michael Bright was arrested, and then released because it could have been a "random act of violence," since he wasn't an old boyfriend of mine. I do not know the whereabouts of Michael today. Ronnie got off scott free.

My daughter, Emerald Raven, was born August 11, 1999, almost one year from the day that I met her father. I had to have an emergency C-section, because both the baby and I were under too much stress and her umbilical cord was coming out first. For three weeks after, he neither called nor came by to see his baby girl. I became guilt ridden because I have already had to watch my first daughter grow up without a father, and I wanted Emerald to know both of her parents. I took her to his house and three days later I moved in. I stayed at his house for six months before his parents kicked me out. In their opinion, I wasn't right for their baby boy. Ronnie has since threatened to kill me numerous times.

He took my WIC and medical card for Emerald, when I didn't have a job to pay for these things. Then he refused to give me either of them, when I needed the help, hoping that I would give up custody to him. But he couldn't receive the medical card because of his insurance from working at K-mart.

Now, we are in a custody battle over Emerald. He is trying to get full custody over her, only allowing me to visit with her every other weekend. In addition to that, he wants the tax deduction and I have to pay for half of her medical expenses. I am praying for God to have mercy on all parties involved. Not only for the outcome to be in the best interest of Emerald Raven, but for all of those involved not to be devastated by the outcome, and for the judge to take all factors in consideration.