Stupid Criminals
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and
wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and
crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in
line, he
handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising
from his
spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbour,
told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated,
the man
said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who
arrested
the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.
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3 more from San Francisco:
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an Automated speed trap that
measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in
the mail
a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the
police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the
police
that contained another picture... of handcuffs. The motorist promptly
sent the
money for the fine.
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A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was
a car
phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told
the guy
that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to
buy the
car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
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Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac,
Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor
said the
officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket
could
have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happed to be wearing
the same
jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it.
The
judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard
he
required a five minute recess to compose himself.
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Oklahoma City:
Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience
store in a
district court when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney
Larry
Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until
the
store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up,
accused
the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown your (expletive)
head
off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "if I'd been the one
that was
there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30
year
sentence.
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Detroit:
R.C. Gaitlan, 21 walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their
squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood.
When he
asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification.
Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the
computer, and
moments later they arrested
Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted
for a two
year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
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Colorado Springs:
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber
saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told
the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said
"Because I
don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk
still
refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point
the
robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the
clerk.
The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and he
put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the
robber
two hours later.
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Another from Detroit:
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
startled
first bandit shot him.
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Cigars and Insurance:
A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very
expensive
cigars insured them against fire among other things. Within a month,
having
smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made even his
first
premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the
insurance
company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in a series
of
small fires". The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious
reason
that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The man
sued....
and won.
In delivering the ruling the judge agreeing that the claim was
frivolous,
stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in
which it
had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that
it would
insure against fire, without defining what it considered to be
unacceptable
fire", and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy
and
costly appeal process the insurance company accepted the ruling and
paid the
man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires". After the man
cashed
the check, however, the company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson.
With
his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used
against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his insured
property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. >>
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