1. Your friend borrowed your favorite sweater three weeks ago, and she still hasn't returned it. Now you want to wear it on a date tomorrow night. You: a)drive to her house, yell at her, snatch your top, and leave skid marks as you speed away. b)catch up with her the first chance you get and ask her to bring it by your house. c)say nothing, but silently seethe about how much you wanted to wear that sweater.
2. When your boyfriend skips your birthday party to go to a baseball game with his buds, you: a)send him a wilted rose in the mail with a note that reads "It's over, loser." b)don't return his phone calls for at least a week. c)wait for his "I'm sorry" phone call, explain why what he did was so rotten, then accept his apology.
3. Your mom gives you a summer curfew that's way earlier than all your buds'. What do you do? a)Start planing how you'll negotiate a later time. b)Pretend you're cool with it, then make a plan to sneak out and join your pals after she's asleep. c)Stomp up to your room while yelling about how unfair she's being (slam door), adding that you can't wait till you don't have to live with a witch anymore.
4. You're driving home and another driver cuts you off. You think: a)Ha! Two can play at this game! Then you speed up so you can tailgate him. b)What a jerk! Then you change lanes to make sure you don't wreck your car. c)No biggie-everyone makes dumb driving moves sometimes.
5. You're about to go out with a group of kids from work when this chick makes a snide remark about the tube top you're wearing. You say: a)nothing-the last thing you want to do is start a big fight. b)"Yeah, like Tommy Hilfiger's knocking on your door for the latest trends" and glare at her. c)"Guess I've been arrested by a fashion cop!" then have a laugh with the gang.
6. You spy the guy you're seeing flirting with another girl in the hall at school. You: a)wait until you can get him alone, then tell him how lousy it made you feel. b)give him a look that could kill and tell your bummed self, Well, I can't make him stop. c)march right over and shout, "If you want to date her, that's fine! I'm too good for you, anyway."
1. a=3 b=2 c=1
2. a=3 b=1 c=2
3. a=2 b=1 c=3
4. a=3 b=2 c=1
5. a=1 b=3 c=2
6. a=2 b=1 c=3
Express yourself! Seems like you're the type who doesn't pipe up when you're p.o.'d because you don't want to lose your easygoing rep. But silent seething only builds up resentment. Start by speaking your mind about small stuff, says Dr. Cole. For example, try calmly telling your pal-in private-that it bugs you when she rags on your eating habbits. Remember, everyone gets angry now and then, and your friends and fam won't love you any less for letting off your fair share of steam.
You know how to get a grip before you fly off the handle. When you do confront someone, your self-control helps you stay calm so the other person doesn't feel like she's under attack. You don't feel guilty about speaking up, because you know it's the best way to tackle a bad situation. Share your secrets with pals who are too passive or overheated.
Watch out! You're letting your temper control you. Screaming or throwing things when you're miffed can do serious damage to your relationship. Plus, you're probably racked with regret after you inflict your dragon-lady wrath on your pals or family. Next time anger strikes, take a few minutes to asses whether what's getting to you is worth a piece of your mind, suggests Dr. Cole. If you still feel like saying something superharsh, force yourseld to wait until the next day. By then, you'll have cooled down. Once you train yourself to hold off on knee-jerk reactions, you'll be able to spot situations that truly merit fireworks- and ones that aren't even worth a word.
