Love and Anger - Part Nine

February 1999

Llanview General

Afternoon…

Todd nervously paced before Dr. Michael’s office. He was worried that the pills he procured on the docks from RJ’s contacts wouldn’t fool Michaels and somehow Michaels would know that he had been overusing his tranquilzers.

Suddenly the door opened and Todd whipped around, his stomach in knots. It was Michaels.

“I was wondering where you were at,” said Michaels lightly, “C’Mon in.”

Todd followed Michael’s gesture and walked into the office. Todd sat down across from Michaels and they stared at each other.

“So Todd, how are you feeling?” asked Dr. Michaels.

“O.k. I guess. I’ve been a little stressed lately, I guess…” said Todd.

Michaels raised an eyebrow, “Oh?”

“Blair. Blair being Blair. Me and Téa worked out a custody arrangement for Starr with Blair and her new husband who just so happens to be Téa’s brother…” said Todd lingering.

“Anything else?” asked Michaels.

“Delgado - Téa. She keeps asking about Chicago - I know she wants to help but I’m so scared of hurting her - of scaring her away…” added Todd, his voice shaking. Physically, his body was not feeling well.

“Todd, it’s been about a week. I’d like to meet your wife. Is that o.k?” asked Michaels.

“Téa? Why? She’s sane…” said Todd with suspicion in his voice.

“I have nothing dubious planned Todd. I just would like to meet your wife…” said Michaels, “Now, have you been taking your medicine as prescribed?”

“Sure, ah…Doc…” muttered Todd looking away.

“Can I see the bottles?” asked Michaels.

Todd cleared his throat and dug into his pockets producing the bottles. Michaels examined them and handed them back to Todd.

“Todd, I’m concerned. With the stress you’re under it might be very easy for you to take more than you should…” said Dr. Michaels.

“Well, does it look like I’ve done that?” asked Todd defensively.

“No, ah…no…” answered Michaels, his curiousity peaked by Todd’s reaction.

Too defensive…

It was silent between them for a bit.

“I saw your sister, Victoria Carpenter…” said Michaels.

“Viki? What did she want?” asked Todd fidgeting in his seat.

“She’s just concerned for you…” said Michaels.

“Good ol’ Viki…” said Todd rolling his eyes.

“And your wife, Téa - is she concerned about you?” asked Michaels.

“Will you lay off Téa? I told you she was - how she’s been asking me about Chicago…” said Todd nervously.

“Right. Have you had that nightmare again? The one you told me about - involving your wife?” asked Dr. Michaels.

Todd got agitated and stood up beginning to pace, “Yes. Why won’t it go away? Why can’t you make it go away?”

“I can only help you make it go away…tell me Todd…your father - did he beat Michelle like you said? Is it truly a nightmare or are you reliving an event that happened…?” pushed Dr. Michaels.

Todd turned on Michaels pushing down the pain of his upset stomach, “My father was a bastard!”

“He abused you…physically…and sexually…” said Michaels.

Todd said nothing, staring at Michaels intently.

“Yeah,” whispered Todd, his lips trembling.

“And on this occasion he physically beat Michelle didn’t he?” pushed Michaels.

“Yes. My bastard father beat the shit out of my girlfriend. He beat her to within an inch of her life and I was powerless to do anything about it…!” cried Todd, his eyes welling up with tears, “But it’s not Michelle in that - whatever - anymore - it’s my wife! My…beautiful…wife…and the blood - it’s dripping down her nose onto her breasts, it’s dribbling down her neck from her ear - her eye - it’s swollen and black and blue and she’s crying out…Todd! Todd!”

He stopped, dropping to the floor, ignoring the pain in his knees - caught up in the nightmare, placing his hands together as if they were tied up in front of him.

Michaels approached Todd, “Your wife is fine Todd! She’s fine!”

“Stop it you bastard! Stop hitting her! Hit me instead!” screamed Todd lashing out - his fists connecting with Michael’s jaw. Michaels stumbled back, blood flying out of his mouth. Michaels got up and grabbed Todd’s fists, holding them tightly.

“I’m not hitting her! I’m not your father!” said Michaels firmly.

Todd looked into Michael’s eyes, “She’s my life…my life…” Todd muttered, his voice shaking, “Last night…I woke up…and she held me…Sssch, Todd…she said, I love you…let me hold you…” Todd’s voice dropped.

Michaels looked intently into Todd’s eyes, “You will be all right. You will.”

Enrique’s warehouse on the docks…

José walked into Enrique’s office. Enrique looked up form his desk and eyed his brother. Enrique signed a check and gave it to one of his men. The man took it and left leaving Enrique and José alone.

“Where have you been?” asked Enrique.

“Blair and I just came from our first parenting class. A condition of Blair’s custody,” said José taking a seat.

Enrique frowned, “How is your step-daughter?”

José shrugged his shoulders, “I do not know. I haven’t met her yet. Blair and I get her this weekend.”

Enrique glared at José, “You promise me you will be a good step-father to that girl.”

“Why do you care? She’s not a Delgado,” said José.

Enrique breathed fire at José, “Because I know that girl means the world to Téa and I want our sister to be happy.”

José looked confused, “How do you know that?”

“I just do,” said Enrique firmly, “Now tell me about…Roseanne.”

“Your daughter is quite precious. She’s smart - very smart - however…” paused José.

“However what?” demanded Enrique.

“Honestly? She does not…like…our sister…” said José.

“Oh,” replied Enrique, “Does Téa share that dislike?”

“No,” said José.

There was silence between them.

“Tell me…does Téa love her husband?” asked Enrique. José nodded his head ‘yes’, “Unlike Antonio…”

“Whatever. Tell me about Todd Manning. Does he make her happy?” asked Enrique tapping his pen on his desk.

“Todd Manning? He’s intense. And he has his own problems. He’s in therapy…” started José.

“Téa’s husband is in therapy? She’s in love with a basketcase?” questioned Enrique.

“Enrique…she is good…for him…” replied José.

“You didn’t answer my question! I will not stand for anyone hurting my sister - or my daughter!” said Enrique firmly, “How is your wife’s pregnancy coming along?”

“Fine,” said José briefly, “Don’t be upset but Blair wants to use her name…Cramer…”

Enrique sneered, “Oh? Is Delgado too dirty a word for her?”

José shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t like your wife José,” said Enrique.

“I appreciate your honesty,” said José.

A man walked in. Enrique glared at him.

“Why are you interrupting me?” asked Enrique.

“Business is good in Llanview. RJ Gannon has given us quite a few referrals, including…” the man paused.

“Including who?” asked Enrique.

“Todd Manning. Your sister’s husband,” said Enrique’s henchman.

Enrique frowned, “What did he buy?”

“Prescription tranquilizers - Xanax,” came the answer.

“Thank you. Now leave me alone,” instructed Enrique.

It was silent between José and Enrique. Enrique turned to José, “Find out if Téa’s husband is…addicted…to that…that…drug!” spat Enrique.

José nodded his head and left.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Love and Anger - Part 10

February 1999

District Attorney’s Office…

Téa walked into her office after meeting with Hank. Hank had expressed his concerns about the recent changes in Téa’s life. She was annoyed with Hank but had managed to reassure him she could handle the changes. What she didn’t need was any unwanted interference in her life. She threw her notepad on her messy desk and fell into the chair in front of her desk. She felt drained - emotionally and physically. Todd - José - both complicated men. Both in her life. Her eyes drifted to the window in her office and she herself relieved a memory - last night - in bed with Todd. It had started out…intimate - kissing - touching - caressing - exploring - Todd looked so boyish, and his smile, so incredible. And, deep in the night, again, she could feel Todd’s body shake. She woke him up, holding his shaking body in her arms. Todd had said nothing, getting up and going into the bathroom. He returned a bit relaxed. Again, she asked him what was troubling him…what happened in Chicago. He clung to her - falling asleep, holding her tight, her questions unanswered, and the rest of the evening was uneventful.

Ring. Ring.

She reached over her desk and answered the phone.

“Assistant District Attorney Téa Delgado…Manning…”

“Mrs. Todd Manning?” came a voice.

“Ah, yes…who is this?”

“Hello. I’m Doctor Luke Michaels, your husband’s therapist…”

“Is Todd all right? Is something wrong?” she asked with concern.

“Todd is all right…for now. But I’d like to meet you…”

Téa wrinkled her nose, “Do you want to discuss…Todd’s treatment?”

“Since you are his wife, I feel you should be involved. You’re very important to him…”

“Well, Todd’s…important…to me too…” she said awkwardly.

“So, when can we meet?”

“Let me check my schedule,” said Téa reaching over her desk to check her calendar, “Is Thursday all right?”

“All right, say ten?”

“Ten is fine. Thank you Dr. Michaels,” said Téa.

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Téa hung up the phone. It had only been two weeks since Todd had been back. She wanted insight on Todd’s problem but she had wanted Todd to come to her.

She rubbed her eyes, frustrated beyond belief with Todd. Letting the Anger…fester…

“Téa? Are you all right?” came a voice.

Téa looked up only to discover Viki Carpenter, Todd’s sister, in her doorway.

“I’m fine Viki. Just…drained…” said Téa standing up, motioning Viki to come in.

“Todd? Work? Combo of both?” asked Viki.

“Yeah. A combo of both. I just got off the phone with Todd’s therapist…” said Téa with concern.

“Really? Is Todd…okay?” asked Viki.

“Yeah - I guess. Dr. Michaels wants to meet me…” remarked Téa.

“I think that’s a good idea Téa. Have you noticed…Todd seems a bit off…?” asked Viki.

“Todd…off? That’s hard to say. I know Todd is troubled…” replied Téa.

“Todd hasn’t confided in you yet?” asked Viki.

“No,” said Téa, “I’m trying to be patient but I’m frustrated beyond belief.”

“Téa, I’m worried for Todd. It appears he’s come out of the DID possibibly suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome,” said Viki.

Téa looked shocked, “What? What’s that?”

“It’s an anxiety disorder where the patient relieves a traumatic event…” explained Viki.

“How…how do you know…?” muttered Téa upset.

“That’s probably what Todd’s therapist wants to discuss with you…” said Viki.

Téa looked shocked.

“Thanks for sharing this with me Viki,” said Téa composing herself.

“You will…help him…?” asked Viki.

“The best way I know how,” mummered Téa.

Llanview General…

Blair and José Delgado sat in front of their counselor. They had to attend parenting classes as part of their custody arrangement for Starr. José had finally met his stepdaughter and was surprised at how the young girl had accepted him as her stepfather and Téa’s brother.

“Well, that’s all we have time for…” said the counselor, an older woman named Ms. Pile.

José stood up, “Thank you Ms. Pile,” he said politely.

Blair stood up and an incredible wave of dizziness overcame her. Her hand went to her head and José was immediately at her side.

“Blair…are you all right?” he asked with concern.

“I’m…I’m fine…” muttered Blair trying to obtain her composure

“You look pale Mrs. Delgado,” said the counselor.

Blair made a face at her.

“I’m taking you to get looked at…” said José firmly.

“No…José…” pleaded Blair.

“Yes…” said José escorting her out. The counselor stayed with him as he escorted her to the ER.

José paced the waiting room as the attending resident examined Blair. He hoped nothing was seriously wrong. Finally, the doctor allowed José inside.

Blair was fussing in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm.

“Are you all right?” he asked really worried about her.

“Oh, I’m fine. The doctor says I’m dehydrated and he’s doing these routine tests…” fussed Blair.

José said nothing as he looked on with concern.

Blair looked up at the door startled. José did the same, recognizing Enrique’s man at the door.

“What is it Bobby?” asked José annoyed and scared.

“Enrique wants to see you…” said Bobby crossing his arms.

“Fine. Now go. I’ll be there as soon as my wife is released. Enrique will understand,” said José firm in his bluff.

Bobby left.

The doctor walked in grinning.

“What?” yelled Blair.

“Ah…congratulations…you’re going to have a baby…” muttered the doctor.

Blair swallowed.

A wave of happiness and a shot of fear overcame José as he smiled at Blair.

Her pregnancy assured him of their lives.

The Manning Estate,

Later that evening…

Téa walked into the house and threw her briefcase on the chair in the hall.

She walked into the living room only to discover Todd pacing the room.

“Where’s Starr?” she asked crossing her arms and looking at Todd.

“I took her to Viki’s. She’s with Viki,” said Todd, his voice sounding nervous. Téa took a breath seeing that Todd appeared a bit pale to her.

“Why?” she asked.

Todd stopped pacing and looked at Téa. The distance between them was great.

“Because…the things I have to say to you…I don’t want…Starr to overhear…” he said firmly, not taking his eyes off of her.

Téa’s face softened, “Are you ready to talk…about Chicago?”

“A bit,” muttered Todd.

He didn’t look physically well to Téa. She took a step toward him and paused.

“I’m ready to listen,” she whispered.

His lip trembled, “I don’t know where to start. I just know…I have to talk to…you…”

“Tell me about the nightmare Todd…who is it that hurts me…and why?” she asked slowly walking toward him.

“No. No. Don’t want to talk about that. I tried to find Michelle in Chicago…” he said swallowing hard as he switched topics.

“Michelle? Who is Michelle?” asked Téa speaking softly, trying not to upset him anymore than he already was.

“Michelle was an old girlfriend. My first girlfriend…” said Todd, “She knew…about the abuse…she knew it was real. She knew about…Pete…and the others…She wouldn’t doubt…”

Téa was standing directly in front of him. Her stare was intense as she let Todd’s word sink in.

“What?” stammered Todd.

“It hurts…Todd. It hurts to know about her…” said Téa honestly.

Todd flared, “Just like it hurts to know about Andrew…”

Téa looked at the ground ashamed.

Todd began to pace.

“But I didn’t find her all right! She was gone! Gone to live her life. And I was so alone Téa - so alone with the voices in my head…confusing me…” he said as his voice shaked.

She looked up at him, “Todd, you don’t look so well…”

He ignored her, “I went to the docks Téa - on Lake Michigan. I can’t remember what I was thinking but slipped and a cop saved me from going into that icy cold water…”

Téa looked shocked, “What are you telling me Todd? You attempted Suicide?”

He paused and looked at her with despair, “I guess I did. And that damn cop saved my miserable life. So I figured if I couldn’t even die right I might as well try to figure out how to live. That’s when I got to the head doctor. Because trying to live means I’ve got to be a good father to Starr…and a good husband to you…and I’ve been trying Téa…I’ve been trying so hard…”

“Oh Todd,” she whispered softening, “Why did you admit to faking the DID when you weren’t? That hurt me…so much…”

“That was Pete, Téa - Pete,” mumbled Todd.

Téa noticed how pale he was, how fragile he seemed. Impulsively she reached out to him and escorted him over to the couch. Then she got up and got a cold cloth to wipe his forehead with.

“Quiedo…Quiedo…” she whispered wiping his face tenderly.

“Téa - the voices…the dreams…” he muttered finding her attention comforting. He wanted to continue but didn’t know if he could.

“Do you know…what it’s like...to have flashes…?” his voice trailed off.

Then he looked deep into her eyes, feeling their connection, “I couldn’t stop dreaming of you Téa. I couldn’t stop dreaming of fucking you…”

She swallowed.

“I can’t stop…dreaming of you…” he muttered.

He broke eye contact, breaking away from her and dry heaving over the side of the couch.

Téa stared on in shock, never expecting this. He was physically sick talking to her about this…and there was still so much more left unanswered. She ran into the kitchen bringing back a bucket for him. He heaved into it.

Eventually, he looked up, at her, “I can’t talk about this anymore…”

“I…understand…” she replied lightly rubbing his arms.

Then, suddenly, Todd dug into his pockets and pulled out a prescription bottle. Hurriedly he opened it and took a pill on a dry swallow.

“Todd…what is that?” she asked with concern.

“Meds…for when I get sick like this…” he mumbled. Téa could barely hear him.

Téa took the bottle out of his hand, “Xanax, Todd?”

He nodded his head, “It’s o.k. Doctor prescribed it…”

Téa examined the bottle, confirming the fact they were prescribed.

“Todd, why didn’t you tell me you were on Xanax?” she asked with concern.

“Didn’t want you to worry. I can handle this. I can. “I” have too. Not Pete - Not Rodd - Me. “I” have too,” he insisted looking at her.

“I’m glad you opened up to me - even if it was…a little…” she whispered.

“Don’t leave me Téa…” whispered Todd, “Don’t let me…scare you…” he said burying himself into her hair - wrapping his arms around her.

“I…won’t leave you Todd. I’m here. I’ll help you. I’m…not going anywhere…” she whispered.

They found comfort in each other’s arms. But Téa had questions…she wanted - she needed answers to. She wanted to know more about Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and…Xanax.

TO BE CONTINUED…