Love and Anger - Part 11

February 1999

Llanview General Parking Lot…

Téa pulled her car into a parking slot and shut if off. She was early - but she wanted to be. In the passenger seat lay a whole bunch of material she had downloaded from the Internet at work on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Xanax. She picked it up and looked at it. She wanted to have a clue about what was going on before she talked to the doctor.

She read outloud, “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an extremely debilitating condition that can occur after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm was threatened or occurred. First brought to the public’s attention by war veterans, it can result from a number of traumatic incidents.” She paused, “So what was the event Todd? Was it recent? Is it old?”

She took a breath and continued, “People with PTSD relive the trauma in the form of nightmares…may experience sleep problems, depression…are easily startled…may have trouble feeling affectionate.”

Again she paused. What was affectionate? They’d been intimate…yes…but affectionate? She scanned the information.

“Symptoms…what? PTSD is diagnosed only if the symptoms last more than a month. Todd hasn’t been back that long. Treatment includes cognitive-behavior therapy, exposure therapy, and medications including anti-depressants and ant-anxiety pills. Xanax. Is also known by it’s chemical name, alprzaolam…slows down the central nervous system. Used to treat nervousness, tension…panic disorders…leaves the blood stream quickly…highly addictive…”

“Boo!”

Téa threw her papers aside and her eyes grew wide.

José was at the window, mishchievely grinning.

Téa grabbed her keys and purse and got out of the car quickly.

“Damn you José! You startled me!” she yelled shutting the door.

José just smiled, “So what are you doing out here?”

“I’m meeting Todd’s therapist…” stammered Téa. They walked inside the hospital.

“What are you doing?” asked Téa.

“You are changing the subject…why are you meeting with your husband’s therapist? Is…Todd all right?” asked José.

“…find out if Téa’s husband is…addicted…to that…that…drug…!”

“That - José is none of your business. Why are you here?” asked Téa.

“Blair has a check-up. She’s probably all ready here…” said José. Damn! He needed to turn the conversation around.

“Blair?” questioned Téa raising an eyebrow.

“Congratulate me. I’m going to be a father,” said José grinning.

Téa’s mouth dropped, “You fathered Blair’s devil spawn?”

José crossed his arms, “That’s not nice.”

Téa laughed, “No kidding. José if you told Blair I was pregnant, I assure you she’d call it devil spawn.”

“She doesn’t like you, does she?” asked José frankly.

“No. So when are you opening up your restaurant?” asked Téa.

“In a few weeks. Téa…look…” said José stopping and looking his sister in the face. He placed his hands kindly on her arms.

“What José?” she asked seriously.

“Honestly, are you okay? Your marriage to Todd? I just want you to be…happy…all right…” fumbled José.

Téa softened, “Todd…is complicated but…I…love him and he…loves me…so we’re going to work through these problems…”

José swallowed. How could he push for more?

“I’ve got to go José - I’ll be late…” said Téa motioning down the hall, “Honestly, congrats to you.”

“Gracias Téa,” he replied. They lightly hugged and Téa walked off. José knew Enrique would not be pleased with this answer.

Téa walked into Dr. Michaels office and greeted the receptionist. The receptionist asked Téa to take a seat and told her Dr. Michaels would be out shortly. Téa felt uncomfortable as she waited.

The door opened and Dr. Michaels walked out. Téa instantly stood up. They awkwardly looked at each other - sizing each other up.

“You’re…young…” whispered Téa.

“You’re…pretty…” whispered Michaels.

“So…what now?” muttered Téa shyly.

“Ah…come inside…please, Ms. Manning,” said Michaels regaining his composure and motioning for the door. She followed him into his office. He motioned for her to take the seat in front of his desk. She sat down and he took his seat.

“Ah…I’m sorry about before…” said Dr. Michaels, “I…ah…didn’t know what to expect…”

She gave him a light smile, “I…didn’t know what to expect either.”

“I…ah…understand. I should have met with you sooner, I confess, but I thought it important to establish a repoire with Todd…a fragile trust. By the way, does he know you’re here?” asked Michaels, looking at her intently, “I told him I was going to talk to you.”

“Ah, no. I meant to tell him last night…but...something happened…” explained Téa fidgeting in her chair.

“Oh? What?” asked Michaels reaching for his notepad.

“Todd opened up to me a little. It was his first attempt since he got back from Chicago - and it was very intense for him,” said Téa.

“First chance you get I want you to tell Todd we met. I want Todd comfortable with this…I want him to know he can trust me and you. I don’t want him thinking we are doing anything behind his back,” explained Michaels firmly.

“Allright,” she answered, “I understand.”

“Can you tell me what happened with Todd last night?” asked Dr. Michaels.

“He went to Chicago to a find a person named Michelle but he didn’t find her. I guess he felt…like there was no way - no way out. He attempted suicide. He was very upset about recalling it for me. He couldn’t physically continue and took a pill - Xanax,” she finished.

Dr. Michaels raised an eyebrow, “He did? How many?”

“Just one,” said Téa, “You’re concerned.”

Dr. Michaels frowned, “Xanax is highly addictive. It must be used correctly. I don’t want him…becoming addicted to it.”

“I read that,” said Téa, “But it seemed to help calm him down.”

“It’s suppose too. It effect the central nervous system - depresses, relaxes…Todd might feel a bit euphoric taking it,” said Dr. Michaels.

“Now this Xanax - it’s part of a treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…?” asked Téa.

“How did you know…?” asked Dr. Michaels.

“Viki mentioned it,” said Téa.

“You’ve done some homework. Some research,” remarked Dr. Michaels.

Téa lightly blushed, “I didn’t want to appear…clueless…I suppose…”

Michaels smiled, “You care for Todd…very much, don’t you?”

She nodded her head, “I do…very much…but…” “But?” “I’m confused…Todd entered my life as suddenly as he left it. All I know…is what I feel…” muttered Téa, “I’ve been going on feelings…”

“You…feel…very much for Todd. He effects you,” commented Dr. Michaels.

“No one. No man - as ever made me feel like Todd has,” admitted Téa.

“We’ll make this work…I promise you…we’ll make this work…”

“I see,” said Dr. Michaels, “It’s good…Todd has your support.”

Téa shyly nodded her head, “Um…so you suspect Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…because of Todd’s nightmare?”

“You know…about Todd’s nightmare?” questioned Dr. Michaels writing notes again.

“I know he wakes up troubled by them. I know I’m somehow involved…” remarked Téa, “I know…I comfort…them.”

“Yes, you are involved. However I’m not sure if it is a nightmare or if it is Todd relieving a painful event. If he’s reliving an event…he’s substituting you for someone else…” explained Dr. Michaels.

“Who?” asked Téa.

“Michelle,” answered Michaels. Téa bit her lip.

“We need to find out more about Michelle,” said Michaels.

“Sam Rappaport might know…” answered Téa, “He knew Todd in Chicago.”

Michaels let out a breath, “We’ll try to find out from Todd first.”

Téa nodded her head.

The Banner…

Todd walked into Viki’s office at the Banner. Viki looked past a mound of paperwork and looked up.

“Todd. What brings you here?” asked Viki.

“I dunno. Bored I guess. I can’t believe Kelly and Blair and running the Sun…” said Todd rolling his eyes.

“You gave it to them…” grinned Viki.

Todd sat in a chair across from Viki, “Nah…I think it was Rodd. He always had the hots for Kelly…”

“Oh…” grinned Viki, “You’re in a good mood.”

“Whatever…or it could have been Pete just trying to screw me. I need my paper back Viki…” continued Todd.

“Todd…why don’t you get your paper back?” asked Viki.

“How so?” asked Todd.

“How can you give your paper away without the approval of your legal guardian?” asked Viki smiling.

A smiled crossed Todd’s face. His cell phone rang. He picked it up.

“What?”

“It’s me Todd…I…”

“Téa? You what?”

“I met with your…therapist…today…”

“What?! Why?!”

“He asked to meet me. And I wanted to tell you…I didn’t want…secrets…between us…”

“What are you insinuating? I’m keeping secrets?!” yelled Todd into the phone.

“No…no…not at all - calm down - Todd!”

“Agh!” Todd shouted and threw the cell phone across the room. It hit the wall and shattered. Viki stood up, shocked by his behavior.

“What did she say to upset you so?” asked Viki with concern.

“She met my shrink behind my back. Like you did!” yelled Todd. His eyes blazed with fire.

“Todd - look - Téa’s concerned about you - and she’s your wife - your family - it’s only natural that your therapist ask your family to get involved in your treatment!” protested Viki.

Todd began pacing her office - furious - anxious - upset.

“Téa! How could she-?? Why - why did you do it Téa?!” he cried out.

“Todd! Calm down! Téa loves you!” said Viki.

“How do you know who Téa loves?” exclaimed Todd collapsing to his knees, “How could…how could Téa love me? Let me…love her?” he suddenly lamented.

Viki kneeled down next to him, “Todd - eventually we’ll get involved - me - Téa - Sam…”

Todd reached inside his jacket and pulled out his prescription. He didn’t hesitate as he took a pill and swallowed it. Viki looked on intently.

“Are you all right?” asked Viki.

“I will be…soon…” muttered Todd.

“And what about Téa?” asked Viki, “She’s probably pretty worried…”

“Don’t mean to hurt her…” he muttered through his lament.

Viki held him tight, “Todd…let your family…help you…”

He found her eyes. His lip trembled.

The Docks,

Enrique’s Warehouse…

José walked into his brother’s warehouse. He was nervous as he walked into the office. He found Enrique staring at a picture of Roseanne.

José spoke up, “Your daughter…misses you.”

“She is better off without me José,” said Enrique throwing the picture aside, “How is your pregnant wife?”

“Um…pregnant,” said José playing with his collar.

“I know she was in the hospital,” said Enrique pouring himself a drink.

“It was nothing - just a little dehydration,” said José lightly.

“I want to know about Téa. Is she…in danger?” asked Enrique sipping his drink.

“She told me…Todd has his problems but they are working them out…” muttered José.

“Problems? Is she aware of his drug use?” demanded Enrique.

“I believe so, yes. I saw her reading literature on Xanax,” explained José.

Enrique let out a breath. He was clearly worried for his sister, “I worry about her José…about them. Did you know - her husband…is a convicted rapist…?”

“No,” said José.

“Todd Manning is a bastard José. He’s…a…violent man,” said Enrique. He paused, “If he hurts her - put her in danger…I will…”

“Don’t say it Enrique. I know…” said José. He frowned.

Enrique sneered.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Love and Anger - Part 12

The Banner

Llanview

A deep breath. One after the other. Téa. Gotta’ be calm. She’s coming. Coming to hold me.

Todd looked up at Viki as he stumbled to stand up.

“Didn’t mean to get so upset…” he whispered.

Viki raised an eyebrow. It was like he had been flooded with the opposite emotion he had just exhibited, “Todd are you going to let us help you?”

He nodded his head. Viki helped him to the couch. He said nothing as he sat down.

I can breathe now. It’s so…peaceful…

The door flung open and Téa stood there - her hair a bit scattered and she was out of breath, a bit disheveled.

“Viki. Todd. Look, I…” said Téa firmly addressing Viki, “I rushed over. I was worried. I didn’t want to upset you…Todd.”

She looked at him as he sat on the couch - his face even.

“So why’d you see my shrink huh, Téa? And not tell me until after?” he said sitting there - just sitting there running his hands through his hair.

His eyes…an eerie calm.

Slowly, she walked toward the wall and picked up the shattered pieces of his cell phone. Then she looked up at Todd.

“I met to tell you Todd last night. Remember last night? But after your talk…and reaction…I just forgot all about it,” she said honestly.

“Yeah. Last night…” he whispered, “So did my shrink tell you? I’m still bonkers?”

Slowly she stood up. Her face betrayed her confusion and hurt, “No Todd. We talked about a lot of things. He wants me to be more involved…with your therapy…”

“Ah, Geez…” muttered Todd, “You can’t make it go away now. What makes him think…?”

“Make what go away?” asked Viki.

Todd stood up calmly, “Stop nagging on me Sis.”

Téa took a hesitant step toward him, “Did you take a Xanax, Todd?”

“Yeah. What about it? It helps. Unlike you,” said Todd with no emotion in his voice.

Téa turned her head, bit her lip, and closed her eyes as if she had been smacked in the face.

“Oh Michelle…I…I didn’t mean it! I didn’t…” he whispered bringing the emotion back to his voice.

Now it was Viki’s turn to look confused. Téa looked up, just as bewildered.

“Todd, that’s Téa. Why did you call her Michelle? Who’s Michelle?” asked Viki.

Todd blinked his eyes and let out a deep breath, “Téa. Don’t meant to hurt you.”

“Michelle is an old girlfriend of Todd’s, Viki,” said Téa, her voice cracking.

“Are you confused Todd?” asked Viki.

“Confusion is a side effect of the pills Viki. A damn side effect!” said Téa finally raising her voice as she let the anger wash over her.

Todd just stood there, his hands in his pockets.

Téa rushed up to him, the tears freely flowing from her eyes, “How many Todd! How many damn pills did you take?!”

She reached for his clothes, searching for the bottle. A mess. A hysterical worried mess. He firmly put his hands on her arms, “Stop it Téa. I’m fine now. Fine.”

“How many Todd?!” she yelled.

“Calm down. I took one pill. One pill all right. The doctor says no more than three a day…I’m fine,” he said trying to reassure her.

“You called me Michelle!” spat out Téa.

He wrapped his arms around her, “I love you Téa. Not Michelle.”

“So why did you think I was her?” shot out Téa.

“Todd, did you once love Michelle? The way you love Téa?” asked Viki outloud - her voice covered in speculation.

“I love Téa now. Not Michelle,” said Todd firmly. He pulled Téa into him, smothering her tears in his chest.

“I’m not angry. Not anymore. I love you Téa. But I’m doing a lousy job of…telling you and showing you. I’m not all right Téa…not all right…I’ve got these nightmares - I see things…he hurts you. And sometimes I don’t know if it’s real because I can smell the scents…scents of fear - scents of blood and I can’t protect you - I smell the shampoo in your hair…” he confessed. A confession that surprisingly came easy to him as he held his sobbing wife in his arms. He knew he had to tell her something or risk the pain of losing her. Viki watched intently.

Téa raised her head searching out his eyes with her own. Her lips trembled.

“I’m scared for you Todd. But I promised you, we’ll make it work and I intend to stick by you Manning. I love you…I do…” her voice was heavy with sorrow.

“Don’t be scared for me. You’re the one I’m scared for. Scared to wake up someday only to find that damn nightmare a reality…” he said.

“What are you saying Todd?” whispered Téa, “I know you would never hurt me.”

“How can you be so sure?” he asked.

“Because I know you. I know how you feel about me…” she tried to say the words reassuringly.

He let out a deep breath and turned to Viki.

“We just want to help you Todd. The best way we know how,” said Viki honestly.

Téa’s cell phone began ringing. Slowly, Téa wiped her sniffles away on her sleeve and answered it.

“Téa, it’s José…”

“José. What’s up?”

“You all right?”

“I’m fine. What’s up?”

“Blair and I would like to have Starr tonight. We just got our new townhouse and we want to tell Starr about the baby…”

“Hang on,” said Téa. She covered the phone. She told Todd about José’s request and reluctantly Todd relented. It was only fair he thought, as he would expect Blair to do the same for him. After Téa hung up, Todd was adamant about spending the afternoon with Starr and they made arrangements to do so.

The Docks…

Enrique Delgado, bundled up in a nice men’s overcoat, walked alone on the docks. Things were right on schedule. Going according to plan. Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but worry - worry about accidentally running into Téa or even Roseanne. And the local police department had started sniffing around his…establishment. Oh, he wasn’t worried he would be discovered as the top guy. That was José’s function - to pose as the top guy. After all, José was a lot more charismatic than he would ever be.

He stopped and sat down on the pier, overlooking the water. He didn’t want to hurt Téa and Roseanne anymore than he had. Téa. Téa wanted to go to law school badly and his best friend Antonio Castille needed a visa. Enrique promised to pay Téa’s college bills if she married him to give him a visa. Téa was unhappy with the marriage. And Enrique came to despise himself for that act. This new marriage - Enrique wanted Téa to be happy in this new marriage. Only once again, she was married to a man very similar to Antonio.

And Roseanne. His daughter. It would be better if he just stayed away from her. He didn’t want to foul up Roseanne’s life as he had Téa’s.

He paused and looked out into the fog filled water. And slowly, he allowed himself a smile.

José’s Townhouse,

That evening…

“Wow Mommy!” said Starr with wide eyes, “Your new house is huge. It’s like Daddy’s and Tee’s new house.”

José held his stepdaughter in his arms as they walked from room to room showing off their new townhouse. He lightly brought his finger to her nose and rubbed it. Then he turned around and glanced at Blair who was following behind them.

“I think she likes me Blair,” said José with a charming grin.

“Yeah…” whispered Blair. And then speaking up, “So little girl, you like José and this new house?”

Starr nodded her head ‘yes’, “Yep. Jay is just as nice as Tee.”

Blair bit her lip.

José laughed, “Me? Nice? Trust me - nobody has ever compared me in the nice department to Téa.”

“Well you are Jay,” said Starr.

Blair smiled and ran her hand through her hair as they walked into a bedroom decorated for a little girl.

Blair walked into the middle of the room, “So sweetie, what do you think? Do you like your new room?”

José held Starr tight and watched her face light up, “It’s cool Mommy. I’m glad you married Jay.”

“We have another room to show you,” said José lightly.

“Oooowww….” said Starr grinning.

José looked at Blair and gestured toward the door. Blair took a deep breath and walked out. José and Starr followed her and they walked into a nursery.

Starr wrinkled her brow. Daddy and Tee had a room like this one too.

“Starr - sweetie - guess what? This room is for your new little brother or sister…” said Blair. Her voice sounded nervous. Very nervous.

“You and Jay are gonna’ have a baby?” asked Starr excited.

“Yep Estrella,” grinned José.

“Cool. I hope Daddy and Tee have a baby too,” said Starr.

José could see the pain on Blair’s face. He put Starr down and walked over to her whispering into her ear, “Your daughter does not despise Téa like you do.”

“José, after we put Starr to bed we need to have a talk - a serious talk - about your gold-digging sister…” whispered Blair.

José grinned and nodded his head whispering, “Aren’t you the pot calling the kettle black?”

TO BE CONTINUED…