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Chapter1
I woke up slowly, feeling slightly disoriented. Had last night been a
dream?
I stretched luxuriously and moaned happily. My eyes came open,
blinking at
the harsh white light of day that streamed in through the nearby
windows.
I'd forgotten to close the dark green curtains. Normally the morning
sunshine has a hard time finding me with the curtains drawn.
I felt someone move next to me, and I smiled as I blinked sleepily at
the
person's prone form. He looked like an angel while he slept. His
short,
light brown hair was mussed. His long dark lashes rested on his
cheeks,
hiding his beautiful clear blue eyes. I loved his proud nose and
strong
jaw. I bit my bottom lip as my eyes ravished his face. God he was
beautiful.
His shoulders and upper arms were peeping out from underneath the
covers.
His left arm was closest to me. I reached out with one hand and
trailed my
fingers lightly over the cross tattooed there. He either felt or
sensed my
touch because he moved his arm up and allowed me to cuddle up close to
him.
His arm encircled me and I sighed happily. I rested my left hand on
his
taut belly. My other hand was smashed between us. My head rested on
his
shoulder, and I tipped my head up so my face was nuzzling his neck. I
closed my eyes...and relived the night before.
***********
I never before thought that he noticed me. Not as a woman he could be
with
anyway. I always believed that he saw me as just a friend. The night
before there was a party. Nothing big, just a few friends and their
significant others. If they had one. I hadn't had one in a long time.
Surprisingly, HE showed up alone. Without her. We talked. We drank.
Not
a lot, but enough. We laughed. A lot. He had his limo take me home.
I
asked him if he wanted to come in for a bit. He did. We talked more.
I
made him laugh easily. Suddenly he was looking at me funny. The next
thing
I knew he was kissing me. Or was I kissing him? Does it even matter?
With my eyes still closed I moved my hand up his chest. I felt myself
smile. I decided that it really didn't matter who started kissing
whom.
He was a good kisser. What am I saying? He was a GREAT kisser! I
was
completely blown away by his kisses. They excited me. It felt like we
kissed for hours. The kissing led to some light petting. Then some
heavier
petting. Next thing I knew we were in my bedroom and we both had our
shirts
off. Everything else came off after that. Part of me felt like a
slut.
Another, larger part of me had wanted this for so long...wanted it
from
HIM...that I forgot about feeling slutty. Of course, the touch of his
hands, lips, and tongue helped quell that feeling quite a bit.
I don't know how long we took. But I do know that we made love more
than
once. And it was heaven. I was in heaven. Because I loved him. I'd
always loved him. Still...after all this...I was afraid to tell him
that.
Because of her.
Chapter 2
I must have fallen asleep again because when I woke up he was looking
at me
and smiling. I felt his fingers playing with my hair. I smiled at
him. He
kissed the tip of my nose.
"Good morning," I said quietly.
"Good afternoon," he replied with a grin. I giggled.
"Whatever it is, it's good," I said with a smile.
His hand cupped my cheek. His thumb trailed over my lips. “It’s very
good,” he agreed before he kissed me.
Sighing, he rolled out of bed and stood up. Completely
unselfconscious. I
tried not to stare. And failed miserably. He was so thin, yet
muscular.
Small in stature.
“I need a shower,” he said as he stretched. Yawning and scratching
his
belly, he walked into the adjoining bathroom.
I lay in bed debating with myself. Would it be presumptuous of me to
join
him in the shower? What if he enjoys his bathroom privacy enough to
include
showers?
I heard the water start to run and the shower turn on. I decided to
take a
chance.
Naked, I climbed out of bed and tip-toed to the bathroom. As I moved
closer to the door I saw that he hadn’t even shut it all the way. I
smiled
and peeked inside. The room was quickly filling up with steam.
I slipped into the steamy bathroom, leaving the door wide open behind
me.
I crept silently up to the burgundy shower curtain. I could hear him
singing to himself. His voice was so beautiful. I stopped with my
hand on
the wall. I closed my eyes and listened. I really loved his voice.
Quietly, I parted the shower curtain and peeked inside. Oh my he
looked
yummy all wet and soapy!
He stopped singing and looked at me, blinking. “What took you so
long?” he
asked with a grin.
I grinned back as I climbed inside and stepped into his warm embrace.
Chapter 3
I sat at my vanity table with my legs crossed. My dark gray velvet
robe
hardly covered my nakedness, but I didn’t notice. I watched him
getting
dressed as I brushed my long hair. It seems I couldn’t stop looking at
him.
Maybe part of me believed everything that happened was a dream. And
that
I was still dreaming.
He caught me looking and smiled. “Is there something wrong, Lauren?”
“I’m trying to decide if this is real or not,” I confessed.
He stood and walked over to me as he slipped his blood red shirt over
his
head. He bent towards me and cupped my chin in his hand. He kissed me
gently, causing my heart to flutter. His lips were soft. Moist.
“Does that feel real?” he asked softly.
Too happy to talk, I simply nodded. “Come here,” he said, grabbing my
hand
and pulling me into a standing position. He wrapped his arms around my
waist and buried his face in my neck. I slipped my arms around his
shoulders and we stood like that for some time. My eyes closed. I
can’t
recall ever feeling so happy. But, as always, I was pessimistic. He
still
had HER. Didn’t he?
“Brian?” I said softly.
“Yeah?” came his muffled reply.
“What about...you know. Her.”
I felt him tense up a little. “Who?” he asked.
I let out a short bark of fake laughter. “Don’t play with me, Brian.”
I heard him sigh heavily as he lifted his head up to look at me. He
moved
his hands to cup my face. His beautiful eyes searched mine. He sighed
again like a man defeated. He let his hands drop. Then he walked over
to
an overstuffed chair by the window. He fell into it like he was
exhausted.
The drapes were fully open now. Bright light washed through the room.
Brian gazed outside, drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair. He
started to gnaw on his thumbnail. I closed my robe around me and
approached
him silently. I placed my hand on his and guided his hand away from
his
mouth.
He gazed up at me and smiled softly. “I’ll think of something,” he
said
finally as he took my hand.
Pulling on my hand he guided me closer to him. I straddled his lap,
my
knees getting stuck in the cushion of the chair. I didn’t mind. We
kept
gazing at each other. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and
played
with the soft curly strands of his hair. He wrapped his arms around my
waist and rubbed my back. My robe fell open. He never took his eyes
off of
mine.
Slowly he leaned forward until our foreheads touched. “I love you,”
he
whispered.
I felt my breath catch in my throat. “I love you too,” I admitted.
Chapter 3
Brian and I spent the next week and a half together. It was the most
wonderful time of my life. He was completely sweet and romantic. He
lavished me with attention and gifts. Whenever we went out anywhere he
would make sure to rent out the whole place. I thought it was because
he
wanted me all to himself. I found out differently a couple weeks after
he
went back on tour with his band.
******************
“Go away,” I said through clenched teeth. Brian stood on the other
side of
my front door that I refused to open.
“No,” he replied. “I won’t go away until you let me explain!”
“What’s there to explain, Brian?” I said, my voice rising. “It was
all
over the television! All my friends couldn’t WAIT to call me and rub
it in
my face. They think I made everything up! They don’t believe that I
even
KNOW you!”
“Lauren, please!” he begged. His voice cracked when he said my name.
My
heart felt like it was breaking in two. “It’s not my fault! I was
just
doing as I was told!”
“You were told to make out with her on TV?” I asked incredulously.
“Someone actually TOLD you to kiss her at the premiere of her movie?”
I
felt like laughing through my tears. The whole idea was ludicrous.
“Something like that, yes, now will you please let me in so we can
talk?”
Brian asked, pounding on the door again.
I could make out his form through the flimsy white curtain that
covered the
window in the door. Suddenly, a larger, taller form appeared, making
me
jump.
“Come on, Brian,” said a voice. “She’s too upset to listen now. Give
her
some time.”
I placed my forehead on the door and tried to listen as tears coursed
their way down my cheeks.
Brian’s reply was muffled. Unintelligible. I peeked through the
curtain and saw his friend place an arm around his shoulders. They talked
quietly. I thought I heard Brain sob. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again.
“I’m leaving,” I heard Brian say. “But I won’t give up.”
They turned and walked slowly down the sidewalk to the driveway. I
pulled the curtain back and saw Brian’s tall blond friend open the passenger
side door of a purple prowler. Brian slid slowly, almost painfully, inside. The
car roared to life and the blond backed out of the driveway with Brian
seated next to him. I saw Brian place his hands over his face.
My heart felt torn into a million pieces. I turned and leaned back
against
the door. I sobbed and sobbed. It hurt so much. He said he loved me.
Then he was seen by half the world kissing his old girlfriend. How
could I
believe anything he said after that?
Chapter 5
Brian was true to his word. He didn’t give up. Every day I received
phone
calls. So I changed my number. When he found out the new number I got
another, unlisted number. Somehow he managed to find out what my new
number
was every time I changed it. So I got an answering machine and
screened all
my calls. He sent me gifts and flowers. I never looked at them. Just
sent
them right back. He would come to my house and try to get me to talk
to
him. Every time I saw him it broke my heart a little more. Eventually
I
stopped going home. Then I up and moved. I left no forwarding
address. I
didn’t tell anyone where I lived. I turned into JD Salinger.
Basically I
disappeared. I holed up in my new apartment and wrote. I was a
freelance
writer. But I wasn’t writing for anyone but myself.
About two and a half months after I found out about Brian, I realized
that
there was something more wrong with me than just a broken heart. I
didn’t
feel right. So I found myself a general practitioner.
As I sat on the chair in the examining room, wondering why God ever
deemed
it possible for a doctor to stick a cold metal prong in a woman’s most
private of places, the doctor returned. He was smiling.
“I have good news for you Lauren,” he said cheerfully.
“I’m not dying?”
The tall, thin, graying man with thick spectacles roared laughter.
“Oh,
hardly. You’re pregnant.”
It seemed like my heart came to a complete stop. I felt my eyes widen
and
my mouth fall open. “Excuse me?”
“Pregnant! Isn’t that wonderful?”
I just sat there. I didn’t know what to say.
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