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Chapter 11
Surprisingly, I was in even more pain at the hospital. It took
forever for
them to put an IV in my arm. I think they had some trainees in there
searching for veins till I started screaming that they’d better get
some
real nurses up in there pronto.
“Why won’t they give me drugs, Nick?” I asked him. His hair was
mussed,
some spare strands hung in his eyes. Outwardly he seemed very calm. I
felt
tears coursing down my cheeks. “It hurts. Where’s my fuckin’ drugs?”
I
screamed at the ceiling when another contraction hit me.
Another doctor came in and checked to see if I was dilated. “You’re
still
dilated just to 2,” she told me.
“So what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I said to her.
She smiled at me and smoothed the hair back from my forehead as I
glared at
her. “Get the anesthesiologist in here,” she said calmly to the nurse
who
was taping the IV to my arm. “She needs an epidermal. And order me an
ultrasound. I want to see how that baby’s doing.”
“Finally!” I said, elated. “Someone with some fucking authority!”
Maybe 5 minutes later, the anesthesiologist had me bent at the waist
so he
could give me a shot in the spine. Nick stood in front of me. I
leaned
heavily against him. It was such an uncomfortable position. I was
gritting
my teeth and panting like a dog through the pain of another
contraction.
Nick kept telling me to breathe.
“Fuck your breathing,” I hissed at him. My fingers were clenched into
fists with parts of his dark blue T-shirt in them.
Suddenly, there was no more pain. I felt light headed, but really
good.
“Done,” the anesthesiologist announced.
I smiled up at Nick. “Nicky,” I drawled out. I cupped his face in my
hands and made a contented sound. “My friend.”
Nick laughed. “What did you give her?” he asked the anesthesiologist.
The man pulled down his paper mask and smiled. “Something to make her
feel
good.”
“Well it worked,” Nick said with a laugh.
“I’m saying,” I said with a giggle. “You married Mr. Doctor sir?”
“No I am not,” he said as he snapped off his gloves.
I raised one eyebrow. “You wanna be?” I asked with a grin.
“Lauren!” Nick cried as the doctor laughed.
Chapter 12
About 15 minutes after I was finally administered the drugs, a
portable
ultrasound unit was wheeled into my room. The nurse looked bored as
she
pulled the covers down and pulled up the white cotton gown, exposing
all of
my swollen belly.
“Hey,” I drawled out, glancing at Nick. “He’s just my friend. Don’t
be
flashing him the goods.”
The nurse actually grinned as I watched the color creep up Nick’s
neck. I
giggled.
Working quickly and efficiently, the nurse squeezed some of the clear,
odorless gel onto my belly. It was slightly warm, seeing as how it was
kept
on a portable warmer. She took the wand and spread the gel onto my
belly.
It wasn’t long before a clear image of my baby boy’s head came into
view.
The nurse flicked a few buttons. We could hear the heartbeat, which
sounded way too slow for me. I saw the portly blond woman bite her
lip.
She looked uncomfortable.
“I’m going to get the doctor,” she said.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as she made a hasty retreat.
I could feel myself start to panic. Nick didn’t say anything, but I
think
he realized that I was stressing out. He moved to stand beside my bed.
I
reached for his hand and held it tightly. The female doctor who had
ordered
me the epidermal was in my room within seconds. She grabbed the little
wand
and set it on my belly. I heard her curse under her breath as she
looked at
the nurse.
“We need to get her into OR STAT,” she said quietly.
Chapter 13
I burst into tears. “What’s wrong?” I asked again as 3 more nurses
rushed
into my room.
“His heartbeat’s too slow,” the doctor explained calmly as I cried.
The
nurses busied themselves making my bed ready to move. “I need to give
you a cesarean.”
“Will he be all right?” I asked as the bars slammed into place and the
wheels were unlocked on the bed.
The doctor smiled warmly. She was a beautiful lady with smooth ebony
skin,
gorgeous light brown eyes and shiny black hair. But she didn’t reply
as
they began wheeling me out of the room.
“Nick!” I sobbed.
“I’m right here Lauren,” I heard him say. I craned my neck up and saw
him
walking quickly behind the hospital bed. He looked worried.
“Can he come in with me?” I asked. “I need him!” I cried.
I got my answer when we burst through the doors to the operating room
and
Nick was held back by a male nurse. I sobbed harder. I wanted Nick.
But
most of all I wanted Brian. I missed him so much. And here I was,
about to
have his baby. What was wrong with me? Why didn’t I tell Brian
before?
Why hadn’t I at least listened to what he had to say?
The doctors and nurses worked quickly and efficiently. I was told to
sit
up again, and another shot was administered into my spine. This shot
cause
me to fall limply. The nurses gently laid me down on the hospital bed.
Someone asked me if I could feel this. “Feel what?” was my reply.
They asked me if I could feel this a few more times, and I could
finally
feel something when they poked my chest. The anesthesiologist kept
telling
me to talk to him.
“Talk about what?” I asked.
“Whatever you like,” he said kindly.
“Well...What are they doing?” I asked. The nurses had placed a paper
blanket over a curved wire in front of me so I couldn’t see what they
were
doing.
“I’m about to make the incision,” the female doctor told me.
I waited a few minutes, then smiled. “Wow, I really can’t feel
anything.”
The anesthesiologist babbled on about his kids, and I made the right
kind
of remarks in the right places, but then I heard something that made my
blood run cold. I heard that pretty female doctor say, under her
breath, “Oh, fuck me.”
“What’s wrong?” I demanded to know.
“Get him out of there,” the doctor said. It was obvious she wasn’t
talking
to me. “Now, NOW!”
“What’s going on?” I cried.
“Sedate her!” the doctor snapped to the anesthesiologist.
“No!” I sobbed as I saw the plastic mask come towards me.
Weakly I turned my head from side to side. It was a pitiful attempt,
but I
didn’t know what else to do. The anesthesiologist had no trouble
placing
the mask over my face. I tried not to breathe. I saw them take my
baby and
use a suction to get the gook out of his mouth. He wasn’t moving. He
didn’t even cry. The doctor started to perform CPR on his tiny form.
I
sobbed under the mask, but I was drifting off. I tried to fight it, to
stay
awake. I pleaded with my eyes to the anesthesiologist. He either
didn’t
see me or ignored me. I felt hot tears course down my cheeks.
Then...there
was nothing.
Chapter 14
I don’t know how much time passed before I finally awoke, but when I
did I was in my own hospital room, and Nick was sleeping in a chair next to
me. My mouth was sandpaper dry. I looked around for some water. There was
a styrofoam cup sitting on the night stand. It was too far away for me to
reach..
“Nick,” I croaked. I cleared my throat and tried again. My voice was
stronger the second time. “Nick.”
Nick’s eyes fluttered as I continued to say his name. Finally his eyes
opened and he gazed steadily at me as he sat up and yawned. He managed a
small smile.
“How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.
“I’m really thirsty, and I feel...” I gave him a tired smile. “I feel
like I’ve been drugged.”
Without saying a word, Nick reached for the styrofoam cup. An accordion
straw was inserted in the lid. He bent the straw towards me and I raised my
head a bit and placed my parched lips on the straw. The water was so cool
and refreshing. I could almost hear myself sigh with gratitude.
Nick set the cup aside and smiled sadly at me. “Where’s my baby?” I
asked.
Nick sighed heavily and sank slowly back into the chair. He was silent for
a long time. My bottom lip trembled. I was scared to hear his answer. Oh
so very scared.
“Are you going to tell me?” I whispered.
Sighing, Nick sat forward and pulled the side bar down so he could take my
hand. He squeezed it and smiled at me. “There were some....complications,”
he began.
“I know that,” I spat out. “Where is my baby?”
“Just let me tell it, please?”
I sighed and wiped a tear from my cheek angrily. I answered him with
silence.
“All right. Your son needed CPR. Apparently the umbilical cord was
wrapped around his neck, which is the reason his heartbeat was so low,” He
sighed. “When they took him out, he wasn’t breathing.”
I started to sob. My body was racked with them. I covered my face with my
hands and wailed. Nick made shushing noises at me as he gathered me into
his arms. It hurt me for him to do that, but I didn’t care. Already I was
prepared to hear the worst. Already my heart was in agony.
“It’s OK,” Nick assured me. “It really is. Your son is fine.”
My sobs came to a hitching halt. “He’s alive?” I whispered.
Chapter 15
Nick said that my son was as stubborn as me. And that this time,
the stubbornness was a good thing. The baby had stopped breathing after
they took him out of me. But the CPR revived him. He was so tiny. At
birth he only weighed five pounds three ounces and was 18 and a half inches
long. But he was a good baby. Quiet. He only cried when he was hungry.
And he would only drink his bottle for me.
He was beautiful-looking, too. His head was perfectly round and he had a
pretty good crop of curly, light brown hair growing there. His lips were
small and heart-shaped like mine. He had his daddy’s proud nose. My large
eyes. It was too early to tell what color they would be, but I was hoping
he’d have his father’s gorgeous sky blue eyes instead of my hazeley-green
ones. His fingers and toes were very long. He was beautiful. For me, the
sun rose and set on my gorgeous baby boy.
The baby was sick. But not horribly so. He was just as stubborn as Nick
described. He had a bit of fluid in his lungs. He had to stay in the
pediatric ICU so the nurses could keep a close eye on him. He couldn’t come
to my room. So that first day, when I was still in a wheelchair, I went to
him whenever he needed to be fed. And then I could hold him, which was
heaven for me. Early the second day I made myself start to walk, so from
then on I didn’t need anyone’s help to get to the nursery. After that I was
a constant figure in the pediatric ICU.
Whenever I was able to hold him, I couldn’t stop playing with his soft
curls. I delighted in his strong grip when his tiny fingers would wrap
around my index finger. I loved touching his soft, round cheeks. And I
would inhale deeply of that clean baby scent.
4 days after I had my baby, they told us we could go home. I was so happy
I cried. Of course, I could have been all hormonal as well. I could cry at
a McDonald’s commercial.