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Chapter 16
Nick allowed me one whole day to get used to being home before he called Brian. I stood beside him and rocked the baby from side to side as he held the phone in his hands and gave Brian my address. I was scared. I bit my lip so hard it hurt.
“Won’t he be mad at you?” I asked when he hung up the phone.
Nick shrugged. “I hope not.”
“How long will it take him to get here?”
“About 15 minutes.”
I felt my heart jump. “That’s it?”
Either Nick estimated wrong or Brian turned into a speed demon. It actually took a little less than ten minutes from the phone call until the doorbell rang. I sat on the couch with the baby in my arms. When I heard the bell, I glanced up at Nick. He looked as nervous as I felt.
“Are you ok?” I asked him as he rose to his feet.
He managed a small, distracted smile. “I’m hoping that while becoming friends with you, I didn’t lose my oldest and best friend.”
“Great. Make me feel even worse than I already do,” I muttered with a heavy sigh.
“Oh, crap, I didn’t mean to....” The doorbell rang again, cutting him off. He glanced at the door then back at me. “I guess we’ll just have to see what happens.”
“Nick,” I called as he started out of the room.
He turned and gazed at me with his eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”
I smiled. “Thank-you for being such a good friend.”
He grinned. “It was my pleasure.”
I turned and gazed down at the baby. He was so content. He didn’t have a clue as to what turmoil I was going through. My heart gave a lurch when I heard Brian’s voice. He sounded....happy? Anxious? Upset? All that and more?
From the corner of my eye I saw Brian enter the living room. I was scared, so I kept gazing down at the baby. Brian simply stood in the doorway for some time, gazing at me.
Finally I could stand it no longer. I looked up and Brian and I gazed steadily at each other. Oh, my heart melted at the sight of him and I felt the tears spring into my eyes. I blinked them back.
His hair was a bit longer than usual, and it was very curly. My fingers longed to play with the ringlets. He looked tanned and healthy, but a bit thinner than what I was used to seeing. Of course his faded jeans were about fifty sizes too big, as was the red white and blue Tommy T-shirt he wore. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.
“Hi,” he said softly.
I gave him a small smile. “Hi yourself.”
“Can I come in?”
I laughed. “Well, I didn’t ask Nick to have you come here so you could stand in the doorway.”
Brian grinned. “Good point.”
As Brian settled himself on the couch next to me, the baby began rooting. As I reached for his bottle that sat on the coffee table in front of me, he began snorting. I giggled and placed the nipple of the bottle on his cheek.
Still snorting, the baby turned his face towards me. After a few more seconds of him snorting and searching blindly for his food, he finally sucked the bottle into his mouth and began to eat contentedly; his little hands curled into fists up by his cheeks.
When I looked back at Brian, he was smiling. He reached over and rubbed his son’s cheek with the top of his index finger.
“What a cutie,” he commented. “What’s his name?”
“Uhhh...Well, I just call him junior,” I said with a smile.
“Who are you baby-sitting for?”
“I’m not...exactly...baby-sitting,” I said slowly.
Brian looked up at me sharply. His eyebrows were furrowed together. “What do you mean?” he asked in a low voice.
“He’s mine,” I said.
Brian’s hand fell away from the baby. He gazed at me with conflicting emotions on his face. Prevailing among those emotions was confusion.
“You’re seeing someone?” he asked flatly.
I smiled and shook my head. “No.”
I looked down at the baby and smiled. He had eaten enough, so I took the bottle out of his mouth. He pursed his lips, like he was blowing a kiss. I giggled and set him up on my shoulder. I was silent for a few seconds as I patted his back. The baby belched loudly and I laughed and commented on what a piggy he was for such a little guy. Then I cradled him in my arms again and resumed his feeding.
I couldn’t look at Brian, but he was staring at me. I saw him from the corner of my eye as I said, “I named him after his father. His full name....is Brian Thomas Littrell II.”
Chapter 17
With the news out, I moved my head slowly to look up at him. Now Brian’s face registered happy surprise.
“He’s mine?” he said softly. “I’m....I’m a Daddy?”
I bit my lip and nodded, fully expecting Brian to be a bit outraged for not telling him sooner. But Brian seemed much too happy at first. He smiled from ear to ear. His eyes were wet with tears as he gazed closer at the baby in my arms.
As I finished feeding and burping the baby, I told Brian what little there was to know about his son. When he was born, how he was born, how much he weighed, etc. Brian threw lots of questions at me about Little Brian’s birth and the scary aftermath. Then he asked me the question I expected and dreaded.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you were pregnant?”
I sighed heavily as I handed Little Brian over to his daddy. Brain was extremely gentle as he cradled his son in his arms. It was truly a Kodak moment. But Brian’s eyes have always been like windows to his emotions, and I could tell that he was wrestling with his elation over being with his son, and his anger with me for holding back such important information.
“You have every right to be angry with me,” I began.
Brian looked up at me sharply. “Yes. I do.” He gazed down at his son. A soft smile played around his lips. “But how can I stay mad when I have him...and I have you to thank for that.”
I giggled. “I didn’t do anything except have sweaty sex with you.”
Brian tilted his head back and laughed. “But it was good sweaty sex,” he said. Then it was my turn to laugh. But I was blushing as well.
“Oh my, yes,” I said. I cleared my throat.
Brian sat back against the couch cushions and gazed at me with his eyebrows raised and a slight smile on his face. “So,” he began softly. “Do you think you could share with me the reason why you chose not to tell me about our son until 5 days after he was born?”
The guilt I’d been feeling through the whole pregnancy hit me harder with Brian sitting next to me, looking as handsome as ever. Holding onto his lookalike son. It might have been hormones or it might have been something else. But I couldn’t manage to hold back my tears. Just like through my whole pregnancy, my lip trembled and the tears spilled before I could even think about holding them back.
“I saw you on TV with her,” I began with a sniff, refusing to look at him.
“Oh, God,” I moaned. “It was like my whole world fell apart. My heart just...shattered. I was so hurt I just couldn’t even face you. Then Nick came around and I started to feel better. But I still felt guilty. Because wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t tell you. And I couldn’t stop thinking about you and her.”
I felt Brian moving next to me. Then his arm was slipping around my shoulders. “Hey,” he said softly in my ear. I turned and gazed into his pretty eyes. “It’s not what you think.”
“Then what was it?” I asked softly. I could feel his juicy fruit smelling breath on my face. “I’m here. I’m listening now. The hurt isn’t...as raw. So now I’m able to listen.”
Brian smiled softly down at his son. “I want to hold him, but I think while we talk I should put him down. Is there a place?”
I stood and removed Little Brian from his daddy’s arms. Standing next to the overstuffed tan couch was a frilly bassinet. I placed the sleeping infant inside and resumed my place next to Brian. We faced each other, both of us with one leg up on the couch and the other on the floor. Brian took my hands in his. They fit so well together.
Sitting there like that with him. Being able to gaze into his eyes again. To hold his hand. To smile and joke around and talk and cry again with him. It was wonderful. And I knew that never again would I be so ignorant as to not listen to what he had to say. Because he would never lie to me.
“I don’t know how to begin,” he said. “Except to tell you that it’s all a scam.”
Chapter 18

The first thing I noticed as I came out of sleep was the noise. Not that it was loud. But it was most definitely a video game of some sort. The next thing I noticed, without having my eyes opened yet, was the sweet, clean smell of Brian’s skin. I stretched, hearing the bones in my legs pop. My eyes fluttered open.
Brian and I were lying snuggled side by side on the huge dark green leather couch in my downstairs game room. Sitting quietly in front of the TV, playing a baseball game, was Nick. Sitting on his lap was my five month old son. I could hear Nick trying to explain the intricacies of the game to Little Brian. The baby was staring attentively at the screen, almost like he knew exactly what his uncle Nick was telling him.
I nibbled on Brian’s ear until his eyes opened a crack. “I wasn’t asleep,” he protested in a soft voice.
I grinned. “Liar.” I jerked my head in the direction of Nick and our son. “Honey, look at the kids.”
Brian looked over at them and smiled. “Aw. That’s so cute.”
Nick scowled over at us. “It’s not cute! The kid’s gotta learn this stuff some time! Might as well start now.”
“What time is it?” Brian asked in an offhand way.
Nick looked at the clock that Brian and I couldn’t see from our position. “Oh, crap!” he muttered, throwing down the controller and reaching out to shut the game off. “It’s after five.”
“Oh, shit,” I muttered as I leaped to my feet. I looked down at Brian and he was glaring at me. “Oh, sorry,” I said, feeling myself blush as Brian rose to his feet. “Gotta watch my potty mouth.”
Brian smiled, kissed my cheek, and the race was on.
*****2 hours later*****
The board room at the Marriott hotel was packed. When the Backstreet Boys said that they had to make an announcement, people came on the run. The five members of the band, assorted family members and significant others, were all anxiously waiting in a small side room reserved for hotel employees.
“Let me take the baby,” Jackie said. I handed her her grandson and she beamed a smile at me before she went to join her husband.
“How do I look?” Brian asked, fidgeting.
I lifted my hands to straighten his dark green and dark blue striped tie. “All of you look like mobsters,” I said with a giggle. “What’s with the Armani suits?” All five guys wore matching dark blue Armani suits.
Brian grinned. “We wanted to look professional.”
“It looks like you guys are going to pull out uzi’s and start shootin up the joint.”
Brian laughed as one of their lawyers stuck their head in the door and announced that they were ready for the Boys to begin.
Brian stepped back. “How do I look?” he asked again.
I approached Brian and set my cheek against his. “Maybe Jackie will take Jr. and you and I can rent a room...” I whispered, trailing my fingers lightly over his jaw.
I felt Brian’s hands squeeze my waist. “I do love the way you think.”
“And I love you,” I said, pressing my lips to his cheek.
“Now me, now me,” I heard a voice say.
I pulled away from Brian to see Nick standing there, hopping from one foot to the other like he had to use the bathroom. I reached out and straightened Nick’s tie.
“You both look very handsome,” I told them.
I kissed both their cheeks, then they left the room together.
Jackie came and stood beside me as we watched the boys pile out of the room and take their respective places behind a raised table. Kevin was sitting closest to us, and he smiled in our direction.
“Where’s his girlfriend,” I whispered to Jackie. Little Brian goggled at everything. It was all so new to him.
“Can you believe,” Jackie said in a low voice, “that she dumped him?”
I gazed over at Kevin’s profile and whistled. He was so handsome. I saw him smile and show off those cheek indents I loved. “Boy, is she ever an idiot,” I whispered.
“Now that’s not nice,” Jackie replied, trying and failing miserably at hiding her smile. I giggled at her.

Chapter 19

Michael Winslow, one of the Boys’ attorney’s stood in front of the long table where the Boys sat. There wasn’t a podium or anything. The atmosphere was quite informal. Michael waited a few moments until all talking had ceased. He cleared his throat, then began.
“Ladies and gentleman, we have called you here today because the five members of the band known as the Backstreet Boys, have argued and won a clause their management had written into their contracts.”
“What clause was that?” a large man in a leather bomber jacket asked with a hand in the air.
Mr. Winslow glared at the man. “Please. No questions until after I’m through.”
I smiled, impressed. Mr. Winslow glared out at the dense crowd, seeming to dare them to say anything. No one did. So he cleared his throat and began again.
“This clause was entered into their contracts on or about the 18th of October, in the year of 1995. This clause was unnecessary and quite personal in nature. It states that no member of the band could date anyone that wasn’t signed with their management team.” He gazed out at the crowd.
“Anyone not understanding this, what it means, simply, is that everyone you have seen associated with the Backstreet Boys who has been in a singing group, or who is an actor or actress is also employed by their management. The personal part of the lives of these five gentlemen were displayed for public viewing as truth, when, in fact, it was false.
“So you’re saying Nick and Mandy and Brian and...?” another reporter shouted out.
Mr. Winslow glared, but didn’t seem to be too put off by the interruption. “They weren’t really dating. They were under contract to appear to be together at certain functions. Even doing something as simple as going to the movies was prearranged. If I recall correctly, they were under contract to be seen in public together a minimum of 3 times a month. Anything over was considered a bonus.”
“What was the reasoning behind this?” A pretty blond reporter asked.
Michael visibly sighed. “It was thought that dating the gentlemen behind me would further the careers of the women they were dating.”
A murmur flowed through the crowd. Brian stood. Walked over to where his mother and I were waiting. He took Little Brian from his mother’s arms and smiled at me. He held the baby with one arm and took my hand.
As planned, but not prompted by any means, the next question was inevitable. “So who have the guys really been dating?” One slick looking female reporter asked.
Michael Winslow smiled broadly. “I was hoping someone would ask that. Ladies and gentlemen. Please allow me to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Brian Littrell.”
A loud murmur was now flowing through the crowd. I saw many people on cell phones. Others were busy scribbling on notepads. Still others had their audio and video equipment set up.
Brian’s silent assurance made me stronger as we took the place up front that Michael Winslow just vacated. Brian smiled his most winning smile.
“Hello everyone,” he began with his soft, Kentucky drawl. “I would like to introduce you to my wife Lauren, and our son, Brian.”

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