"Oh sweetie, it's ok. Mommy's here." I lifted him out of his crib. "I think someone needs a diaper change," I smiled and placed him on the changing table. After changing his diaper, I picked him up and took him downstairs so that I could get him a bottle. As I passed the living room I saw the TV on.
"Brian? Is that you?" Brian had decided to stay with me for a while after the accident.
"Steph? What are you doing up?" Brian asked sitting up from the couch.
"'Lil Nicky here woke up. I'm getting him a bottle. What are you doing up?"
"Can't sleep."
I smiled at him. He hadn't gotten much sleep the past week. With the accident and just about everyone in the hospital, except for him, Nick Jr. and myself, took a big toll on him. I wasn’t doing too good either. I had barely gotten any sleep and when I did, I dreamt about the accident. I went into the kitchen and warmed up a bottle of formula for Nick. Then I returned to the living room and sat by Brian on the couch.
"He looks so much like his father," he commented.
"I know," a tear ran down my face. I wiped it away quickly.
"You know Lisha and Trina have been wanting to talk to you. Not to mention everyone else."
"I know. I don't want to talk to anyone though." I heard the timer go off on the microwave. "Here Nicky, stay here with uncle Brian while mommy goes and gets you bottle."
Nick smiled as I placed him in Brian's arms and went to go get the bottle. I came back and took Nick and started to feed him.
"So what were you watching?"
"Some of your old tapes."
"What?! How'd you find those?" I asked surprised and embarrassed.
"Nick and I found them in a box while you were moving in. We wondered what they were so we popped one in and lo and behold here's a bunch of old TV appearances that we did."
"You sneaks. So which tape is this?"
"Uhhh…the Backstreet Boys Live thing we did before Millennium came out."
"Oh wow! That's from a long time ago! I think four or five years!"
"Yeah. Sure brings back memories. Let's watch it!"
"Ok. I guess."
Brian pressed play and they started watching it where Carson was talking about the commercials that they did for Millennium. I smiled when Nick added in "The jungle…" and the other guys were like "We don't know where Nick is." We both laughed when they did Backstreet Trivia to see if they knew each other and when they did the trivia contest with 5 fans. "He is so blond!!" I remarked laughing hysterically as Nick buzzed in again without an answer.
"Yup!" was all Brian could respond with since he was laughing as well.
I had finished feeding Nick and he had fallen asleep.
"Hey Bri, I'll be back. I need to put Nicky back to bed."
"Alrighty," Brian said while rummaging through her tapes.
I laid Nicky in his crib and put the blanket back over him. He reminded me of Nick when I used to watch him sleep not too long ago. I teared up again and started to softly cry. I went over to the rocking chair, sat down, and looked out the window. The view was of the ocean, which Nick and I both love. I remembered all of the times that Nick and I had gone out on his boat or just sat on the beach watching a beautiful sunset. My memory drifted back to earlier times and to the night of the accident. We were heading back home to Florida after a tour. I was opening for the Backstreet Boys. I had made my big break after meeting the Boys back in 1999. They had helped me become successful. During this time Nick and I had been dating. At my senior prom, Nick had proposed to me in front of my whole senior class. Needless to say I said yes, and after I graduated we were married.
I knew that my parents wanted me to wait until I got older, but they could see how genuine our love was, so they allowed it. After the wedding my career took off and my debut album "Dragonz" hit number one on the Billboard charts. It was at the same time that I found out I was two months pregnant. Seven months later Nickolas Gene Carter Jr. was born. I remembered how happy Nick was. He was literally jumping up and down and handing out chocolate cigars that said, "It's a Boy" to everyone who was in the waiting room.
My memory then drifted back to the accident. I was sitting up front with Brian, Nick, and AJ talking. Nick heard Nicky crying so he went back to check on him. Then the semi-truck hit us. The screaming mixed in with the metal crunching was terrible. It turned out that the driver of the truck was drunk. He had died on impact. Everyone on the bus was injured really badly. Nick was the worst. He is still in a coma. He had been for a week now. I saw a shooting star pass in the sky and made a wish.
"Please let Nick be okay and recover. I don't know how I'd survive without him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in a hospital room, but something was very wrong. I saw myself lying in the bed with wires going in and out of me everywhere.
"What's going on?!" I asked out loud.
I decided to go out into the hallway to find someone to talk to. I didn't see anyone walking in the hallway, so I went into another room. I was shocked to see AJ and Howie lying in the beds.
"Hey guys! What happened?" I got no response. AJ continued to listen to his CD player and Howie continued to read his book. I became really scared. I exited the room and started to look for Steph. She wasn't anywhere to be found.
"Where is she? I want to see her!" there was a bright flash of light and I was standing in my son's nursery. 'What am I doing here?' I thought. I went over to the crib and saw Nicky sleeping peacefully. I then noticed Steph sitting in the rocking chair crying. "Steph! Sweetie what's wrong?" I didn't get an answer. She just continued crying and looking out the window. She then spoke.
"Please let Nick be okay and recover. I don't know how I'd survive without him."
I started to tear up at this.
"Why can't anybody see or hear me?!" I cried out in frustration.
