Q: What kinds of distractions or coping methods would you recommend to someone who gets the urge to self-injure?
"Call a friend, listen to non-triggery music, surf the net, anything to get your mind off of it."
"Do stuff like deep breathing to ground yourself."
"I actually use skating as a distraction sometimes!" "I recently discovered meditation is an effective method to cope with the urge to cut. Not only does it calm me down but it makesme feel even better than cutting ever did, and no guilt later on about breaking my no-SI streak!" "I saw something on another website about drawing on yourself. I like to see blood so a red marker does the trick, sometimes."
Q: Do other people know you SI? What kinds of reactions have you gotten from other people who know that you self-injure?
"Yeah, people know... word gets around fast when the gossip is this 'juicy'. One of my coaches actually dumped me when he found out that I cut. But at least some people try to be understanding."
"My friends' reactions have been everywhere from so shocked and angry that they stop talking to me, to crying and hugging me and wanting to help."
"I've been lucky to have some really supportive team mates, who have literally let me cry on their shoulder. Sometimes people offer to let me call them, and I don't end up calling because I feel guilty about bothering them. But just knowing that the offer is there makes me feel so much better. And if any of you are reading this right now...thank you."
" People are more educated these days, and tend not to be as judgmental as they once were. I think the more you work yourself up about it like it's something to be ashamed of, the more people will think it is something to feel guilty about."
"I don't think anyone knows. It's hard to say. I'm scared to tell anyone, they'll think I'm a freak." Q: Have you ever told someone about your SI? How have they reacted? Do you think reactions differ if you tell them than if they find out some other way?
"One of my friends started crying when I told her, and I was surprised when she asked why I hadn't told her sooner. All this time I thought she would just stop talking to me if she ever found out!"
"I had one friend who I told about it, and she just gave me this sad look and said, 'Oh, [...], you're too hard on yourself!' Which is sort of weird, because I got the exact same from a different team mate who figured it out herself when she saw the scars on my arm."
"Now that I've stopped, it's not something I talk about much; the only person I've told is my boyfriend who thought it was awesome that I've gone so long without it. If people I don't know very well ask my scars I'll laugh it off and say things like 'life happens.'"
"People have come up to me and said, 'I just heard the funniest thing, John told me that Jenny told him that you're a cutter. I mean, how dumb is that?' A lot of the time people figure it out themselves, like I've used the excuse 'my cat scratched me' one too many times. And they're like, 'We're worried about you.' Some people are gonna think you're crazy no matter how they find out about it, others who are a bit more educated will be a little more understanding. It's like Deb [the moderator of the "Bodies Under Siege" support group] says, someone who SI's is no more psychotic than someone who abuses alcohol." "Not a clue. I think it's better to tell them if you trust them."
"Skating has instilled a kind of perfectionistic attitude in me, I guess, so I'm a lot harder on myself than other people. But skating itself didn't cause me to start cutting."
"Indirectly I guess it might have, because my coach was the one who yelled at me if I started crying. But I've left that coach and I still self-injure, so I know it's gotta be more than just that."
"It didn't 'cause' me to start SI any more than it 'caused' me to develop an eating disorder; I know in my heart now that the self-hate would have come out in some other way. Although I do think the sport acts like a petri dish where it's tougher to find healthy ways to deal with stress, if you don't have a supportive coach."
"Not really. Skating doesn't usually trigger me."
Do you think that your skating has HELPED your self-injury in any way? (i.e. providing distraction or an outlet)
"Oh, yes, definitely! I go out onto the ice, and it's like my problems just melt away. Or they are frozen, if you will."
"This is gonna sound weird, but the feeling of my blades cutting into the ice actually replaces the feeling of a knife cutting through my flesh. Especially when I'm angry, I take it out on the ice instead of on myself."
"It was more the people I met through skating who helped."
"Yeah. I have a bad day, and it helps to get the frustrations out by exercising."
