Part 19

//Love me.

Hold me.

Touch me.

Hope for me.

Kill for me.

Be there for me.

Relax with me.

Write for me.

Live for me.//

A month has passed since that afternoon that I first piloted.  A lot has happened in that short amount of time.  My studies are going well and I am now top of my class.  I find the classes to be fairly challenging, but easy at the same time. 

My relationship with Lu is an entirely different story now.  She and I are almost as close as Jeremy and myself.  I had been afraid to speak of my past due to all the haunting memories of that frightening day.  I tried to forget it because it was too painful.  When I told her, I half expected her to become disgusted with me and leave.  Actually, a part of me wishes that she had.  Instead she placed an arm around my shoulders, leaned into me, and just held me.  It should have felt odd, I have never been held like that before.  But, it was soothing to just sit there and let someone else do the supporting.  That was until Jeremy showed up.  He dragged me home and gave me an earful.  Lu is the only one who I have told about my past and for some reason I don’t regret it at all.  I thought that telling someone about what I had run away from would make them think less of me, instead it has brought us together more.

My lessons with Treize have allowed me not only to catch up to the piloting capabilities of the rest of my classmates, but also to surpass 90% of them.  I know that both brothers pride themselves on their piloting abilities, but Treize also prides himself on his abilities to motivate people to their full potential.

Jeremy is talking about his piloting prowess even more then usual.  But I guess that is to be expected since he only has a night’s sleep before the big event.  I catch him in a daze.  “Jeremy, what are you thinking about?”

“You in a Speedo.  I’m thinking about the ditch off of course.  Jeez, what are you, some kind of idiot?”

“Are you scared?”

“Not scared, just a bit nervous I guess.  But I know that I’m an awesome pilot so there’s nothing to be worried about, ne?”

“Yeah, you’ve piloted many times before.  You should do fine.”

“Yup, hasn’t been a mobile suit made that can make me scared.  I’ll go in there tomorrow and show them all what I am made of.”  He starts rummaging through the closet looking for something.  He only spends a minute in his search before he gets bored and sits down on his bed.  “So, are you and Lu gonna cheer me on tomorrow?” he asks with a slight amount of apprehension in his voice.

“Of course we’ll be there.  Just don’t do anything stupid out there.  I’d hate to have to tell people that I don’t know you.”

“Jee, thanks.  So glad to know that you’re a friend till the end.”

“Don’t mention it, but you really should get some sleep.”

“I know, but I’m just not in the mood to sleep. I don’t think that anything could put me into unconsciousness right now.”

“I’m sure a well aimed jab would do the trick.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

I climb under my covers and turn off the light leaving Jeremy still sitting on his bed fully clothed.  “At least try.”  I hear the tell tale flop of Jeremy falling backwards onto the bed.

“Ok, so maybe I’m a little scared.  But I don’t think that anyone would blame me.  I have to go out there and not only do my best, but do it in front of a ton of people.  If that isn’t scary, I don’t know what is.”

“Do you think that people expect you to be a certain way? At a certain piloting skill, I mean.”

“I’m sure they do and that’s what scares me the most about it.  I’m a Kushrenada…the baby brother of Treize.  He’s too perfect.  It’s hard walking in footsteps like those, but I have to try everyday of my life. 

“There’s nothing that I have been able to do better then him.  He gets the good grades, the best piloting skills, not to mention his ability to lead.  Where does that leave me?  The poor pathetic Jeremy who can’t even live up to the family standards.  I’ll show them tomorrow when I finally do something better then Treize could. 

“Now, don’t you dare say a word. I need my beauty sleep.”

How am I to fight with that?  Considering that Jeremy is an even worse morning person when he doesn’t get enough sleep, I feel my only option is to not press the subject any further.  Plus if he’s able to rest, it will only help him do better in the competition tomorrow.  As for myself, I fall into blissful slumber.

The rising of the sun does not bring with it the fresh renewed feeling that it should.  Jeremy’s form is tangled in the sheets from a night’s worth of tortured dreams.  The only reason that he is doing this challenge is to try and beat his brother at something.  Maybe this is a struggle that he has to undertake, but I wouldn’t know.  I can’t even remember what it was like to have a sibling, her smiling face as she ran into my mother’s arms.  No, I must stop.  I haven’t thought about them in so long.  Now the only person that I have to prove myself to is me.

I pull myself from the warm sanctuary of my bed and pad my way over to Jeremy.  I can tell from his face that his sleep is less then blissful.  At least that make me feel a little bit better about what I am going to do.  I cough slightly to ready my voice like those old men that host those late night talk shows with political leaders.  He is going to kill me.  “GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED SOLDIER!  WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, PEACETIME?!  WE’RE FIGHTING A WAR HERE!”  I can’t hold back my laughter as Jeremy snaps to a disoriented attention.  His sleep filled eyes most likely are not even capable of focusing on me.

“I’m gonna kill you.”  He states trying to hide his anger behind clenched teeth.

“It was time you got out of bed anyways.  You have to report in an hour.”

“Dammit, I still could have slept…”

“I know, another twenty minutes.  But, I figured that getting up early for a change might do you some good.”

“Yes mother.”

“Don’t take that tone with me young man!”

“Hey, I’m older then you!” he exclaims grabbing me around the neck and messing up my now mid shoulder length hair.  He likes to tease me about how long it is, usually by putting as many knots as he can in it.  “I’m gonna head to the showers.  I wanna look my best when I win today.”  He finally lets me go then grabs his towel and runs out the door.

I pass the time by reading my physics text.  Not the most interesting material to read on a Saturday morning, but Treize mentioned how important physics is in combat while under the influence of gravity.  So I decided to spend extra time in studying it.  Jeremy returns from the shower, throws his towel in my face (which was still buried in the textbook), dressed, and left for his call time.

I check my watch to find it is a quarter to ten.  Lu should definitely be up by now.  I throw on one of Jeremy’s light jackets and head out of our dorm.  The air is still cool out and the morning dew has almost completely disappeared.  It’s only around this late in the morning due to the trees surrounding each walkway.

When I arrive at the women’s dorm, climb the three flights of stairs, and walk halfway down the corridor.  I knock lightly on the door since Lu has often complained about how her roommate Manna likes to sleep in late on the weekends.  A bright face opens the door, smiling…no.  She seems to never smile, like me.  I can’t say never because I have caught her in a smile once or twice.  But those times are more recent then not.  “Ohayo Lu.”

“Morning Zechs.  Jeremy already leave?”

“Hai, he had to report in at 09:30.”

“Must have been a feat to get him up.”  She enters the hallway and closes the door behind her so that we don’t disturb Manna, who has already started grumbling in her sleep.  “Want to go for a walk?”

Back outside we both start in the direction of the hanger.  It is an unspoken understanding that we share.  I can’t tell you how or why we know to head there, but it feels like the right place to go.  As for her, I cannot say and she doesn’t tell me.  The cool breeze picks up and I see Lu shiver, she neglected to grab a jacket before we left.  “Here,” I say shrugging off my jacket and handing it to her.  She looks at the offering dumbfounded for a moment before taking it.

“Thanks.”  We walk a few feet more.  “Zechs?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do we always go to the hanger?”

“I don’t know.  I guess I just feel at peace when I’m there.”

She stays silent for a moment.  “I sometimes think that I can hear the souls of those who died at the hands of those machines.  I know it’s preposterous, but I don’t think that they are at peace.”

“Then why do you go?”

“I’m not sure, but maybe it is to tell them that I’ll fight for them.  Although I’m not sure if that’s the reason at all.”

We enter the nearly empty hanger and head over to one of the last remaining suits. “Looks like they’ve already moved everything out for the ditch off.”

She nods in affirmation as she sits down, leaning her back on the cold metal foot.  I take a place next to her and lean my head back.

“I hope that Jeremy does well today.  He’s been going on about this competition for the last week nonstop.  I was ready to smack him some days.  Although, I must say that his talking about the competition is much better then his complaining about the food.”

“I like the food.”

“Same here, but Jeremy is different.  He has much higher standards then I do.”

“How much time do we have left?”

“We should probably leave in ten minutes so we can get seats with a good view.”

I lift my head up and look at that placid face.  I find it next to impossible to read anything that she might be thinking.  Although she might say the same thing about me, it is hard to read metal.

“Has it been ten minutes yet?”

Her question startles me.  It only feels like a few seconds have passed since I mentioned it.  I check my watch just to humor her only to find that seven minutes have past.  Had I been staring at her for that long?  If I had, she made no indication of it. “Almost.”

She clambers to her feet, “Wouldn’t hurt to start over there now.”  She grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet. 

During the walk to the arena, the only thing I can think about are those missing seven minutes of my life.

Upon entering the seating, we find a fair amount of people claiming the best spots.  I grab Lu’s hand and run up the steps.  We take our seats and I check my watch again.  It is odd that I’m looking at that dial so often.  Maybe it is just excitement, or could it be anticipation?  I shrug it off and make small talk with Lu until the competition begins.  We comment about the setup of the obstacles and what possible surprises the creators could throw at the pilots.

The opening ceremony starts with a display of the suits, each numbered for the convenience of the judges and audience.  Jeremy is number 8.  Each suit takes it’s turn though the course.  When Jeremy’s turn comes up I watch attentively so I can give him suggestions on how to improve later tonight.

After all the suits make it through the course, the next test is combat.  The only rules for this section of the competition are to not seriously damage your opponent or to fire any missiles.  The school doesn’t want to have to do heavy repairs on all the suits after a friendly competition.  The fight ends once one of the competitors makes a lethal move (not completing said move, of course).

I watch each duel intently, picking up tactics that might serve me sometime in the future.  Each battle builds from the start to the final climax.  If it was actual battle, that would be one more death to add onto the list of those who perished fighting for what they believe in.  I keep my anticipation in check until it is Jeremy’s turn.

When he enters the ring I can see that his suit is slightly damaged.  It is just like Jeremy to do his worst during the easy stuff.  His opponent is a boy from the year ahead of us.  At least he’ll give Jeremy a challenge.  Both suits pull out their beam sabers and ready their fighting stances.  The countdown that is heard by the pilots also echoes over the loud speakers for the audience.  Zero is reached and Jeremy moves in for the first offensive move.  He brings his saber downwards from the right, but the other suit blocks the swing and forces Jeremy back.  He tries again for offense, but is once again driven back.  The other suit moves in with repeated swings.  I can tell that Jeremy is having a hard time countering each attack.  It is most likely for the damage done to his suit.  As if sensing a possible loss, Jeremy fires his rockets and flips behind his opponent.  The enemy suit turns fast leading with its saber, but Jeremy is ready for it and easily sends the suit flying backwards.

That’s when it happens.

My life changed completely during that moment.  The discharged missiles seem to move at a sickeningly slow pace straight at Jeremy’s suit.  He sees them coming and tries to turn his suit away.  He should be moving faster then that.  The missiles are going so slow, why can’t he move faster?!?  The blast as the two missiles hit their mark is deafening.  I hear the screams of the crowd, the feel of Lu burying her head into my shoulder.  I can only gape at what has happened.  I suddenl feel as if I’m a million miles from reality.

Jeremy’s suit falls backwards creating a reverberating shockwave that can be felt through the stadium seats.  Medical crews move in fast.  They won’t make it in time to do anything.  Even if they could have opened the hatch immediately, he would have probably still been beyond saving.  The missiles had hit their mark with deadly accuracy…

The cockpit.