What's my dream?

I've always said, half jokingly, that when I grow up, I want to be a rock star. It's a wish I've always had, but until recently, I was never able to explain why very well. It really sunk in as I was moving out of my college apartment, packing up my belongings, and going through shoeboxes of mementos. As I sat in the middle of my living room, surrounded by CDs, ticket stubs, old wristbands, and other concert memorabilia, I was taken back to a cold Monday in February when I spent the entire day sitting outside Tower Records with my best friend, waiting in line for a Smashing Pumpkins autograph signing. That was when it had first started to hit me -- music is something that can really affect people; it touches us on a subconscious level, and it can have a strong impact on our lives. Ask the girl next to us in line why she camped out in front of a central Illinois record store for 18 hours to meet The Pumpkins, and then drove four hours to Chicago to do it again the next day. Ask the guy I met in June who traveled alone from Wales to New York City to a sold out U2 show without a ticket. Ask me why I went to four Third Eye Blind concerts in two weeks in two time zones last summer. As my best friend and I stood peering into Tower's front window, waiting for our turn to go in and meet the band, I remember she said, "There are four middle class kids from the suburbs in there, and they're making a bunch of people cry." And she was right. A number of the people walking out of the store had tears in their eyes. Music has the power to touch us on such a basic level; it speaks to our souls. A handful of exceptionally talented musicians have this amazing ability to create music that can do that, and I want to be a part of it. It's not about money; it's not about fame. It's about the connection between the listeners and the creators. I don't need to be the one with the mike or the bass guitar. I'd be happy being the one with the numbered wristbands, out there with the fans all day long while they wait to see the band they love. Some people say it's crazy-that there's no reason to idolize musicians. I'm not convinced that those people have ever taken the time to ask fans why they're so passionate about the music. I'll be the first to admit, I've met some frighteningly wacky people at concerts, but they're the exception. After all, these musicians are the creators of the melodies and lyrics who can say it right, play it right. They've struck a chord with listeners; in a few cases with thousands and thousands of listeners. I want to be involved in that. I want to be there when that fan gets her first chance to see the four middle class kids who can make her cry. I want to be there to see her smile and her tears of happiness as she walks out of the concert or the record store signing, knowing that I had some small part in making it happen. Because then I'll smile too.