09/17/99 Mark on Conan O'Brien

Conan-My uh, next guest was of course, a founding member of the Kids in the Hall. You may also know him from Saturday Night Live and the films Brain Candy and Spiceworld. His latest, is the new movie Dog Park, let's get him out here, 'cause we uh, we didn't have time for him last night. Please welcome Mark McKinney!!
(Mark comes out wearing a heather grey pullover and black pants...audience claps/cheers/etc.)
C-It was funny, I was-I-thank you for coming. M-Hey, thank you, it's great to be back here *again*.
C-Heehee, yeah. Last night, we didn't quite- we had a sorta screwy show last night-
M-Well, it was a hurricane.
C-It was a hurricane.
M-It was a big hurricane.
C-And you were blown away halfway through the show but you're back here now-
M-Well, yeah. (They laugh)
C-Nicely done...uhm, you know, and I was talking to you, actually, I was talking to you out in the hall last night, about the fact that I see Kids in the Hall more now, (motioning to Andy) and this is probably the same experience you've had, it's just on constantly-
M-(To Andy) You too?
Andy-I-Absolutely..
C-On Comedy Central, they show it-they show it like, around the clock.
M-Now more than ever.
C-And is that-is that strange for you? I mean, you're just seein' this stuff constantly...
M-No, it's on in the middle of the afternoon now, in-in New York City, and my kid sees it, you know, who's a very sophisticated child at three and a half, and he says, uh, instead of saying things like "Daddy, you're on tv," he sorta says "Daddy, you're in reruns!"
C-He knows about reruns?
M-"Why no residual checks? Me want go college.."..and just keep bat practising, just keep batting, because that's the only way you're gettin' there. C-Are you-that's not true, you gotta support him.
M-Yeah, I guess.
C-Uh..are you one of those super dads, are you uh-
A-Obviously.
M-Well,...yeah, well, I try to be, I mean I try to be a super dad, I mean, I-I- the first thing you learn as a parent is that they're not your friend, you're their parent, there has to be a distinction. But you know, I play with him a lot. Like at bedtime, before bedtime, we'll go- we'll always play blocks, you know, those cardboard blocks, they've had them forever-
C-Mhmm...
M-And we'll build a house and stuff, and I get into it, and I get very infused, until it's like, you know, "Wait wait wait, no,no, don't-don't put that one there, no,no, it's not gonna stand UP if you don't put that one there...alright, put it there if you want,see-...SEE??!! SEE??!! Fine, bedtime. No books, no story, go to bed.
C-No!!...
M-Is that-is that, that's not good.
C-No, that's very good, you're teaching him to be structurally sound.
M-Yeah,yeah, he'll be the most paranoid engineer in the world.
C-He'll start wetting himself.
M-Yeah.
C-Uh...do you have a picture of the child?
M-...Oh, do you wanna see one? C-Yeah, let's see a picture of him.
M-(Getting picture out) Now I know a lot of people say their kids- all babies are gorgeous, but, but I think mine is particularly beautiful, I mean, you know, mostly because of his mom, but anyway, there it is (giving wallet picture to Conan)
C-Oh..oh..well, that's-take a look at that,that's nice,that's nice, (shows picture of Mark's "baby", which is a picture of David Crosby's head glued on a baby's body) and you said he's how old now? He's uh,-
M-He's three and a half...three and a half.
C-Great. He's gonna be a happy baby.
M-I think so. Teach your children. (Winks)...The band! I got a band laugh!
C-You got a band laugh. When you can get the band to laugh you know you've really screwed up. (They laugh)..Uh,now, you and your wife, are you in generally-I've met her-are you in agreement, on how to raise the child?
M-Uhm, yeah, on most things. I think we're both really good parents, and uh, you know, we disagree on some things. Like, like uh, we used to be-around the house it used to be clothing optional, I mean, you have a small kid, it doesn't really matter, I thought, you know, just wander around naked, and she said, lately, she thought you know, we should stop doing that, and I said, "Well, why, is Christopher too old for nudity?" and she said "No, you are"...(makes a sad face)
C-(laughing) Awww, you got all sad.
M-Yeah, I got all sad. But no, it's true, now I walk down the street and people say "Hey, it's Mark McKinney from Kids in the-eew." Eew. How long ago was that show? Was that a silent show?
C-Yes. One of the great golden oldies. Uh, are you gonna have more kids, do you think?
M-Well, I-yes. I think, I mean I think so. Though you know, to be honest, my first reaction after watching my uhm, my wife go through labour and give birth was, was "I'm Gay!"..
C-Is that what you were shouting in the hospital?
M-Yeah, "I'm gay, I'm gay!!"..but I think we've gone through it. Now I-now I wanna have more kids. Now I wanna have too many more kids. I wanna be like Johnny Applesperm, and like you know, fertilise the world. You know, the character, Johnny Applesperm-
C-My favourite character,yeah.
M-From the Marvel Comics.
C-He wandered the country, spreading his seed.
M-(with a loud, heroicish voice)Are there any women in here?
C-No, Johnny Applesperm.
M-Ah, then I'll be on my way...with my sperm..(resuming regular voice) I'm sorry.
C-We didn't have a chance to thank him. Uh...now...please..
M-Am I in a deep hole right now?
C-No! You're doing great!
M-Great.
C-No,no, we'll tell you when you get in that big trough.
M-Alright.
C-Uh, you play, in this movie Dog Park, you play a dog-we were talking about dogs earlier with Jenna Elfman, you play a dog therapist.
M-Yes. Yes I do. I play a dog therapist, and you know, I mean, I don't particularly have pets, so to speak. I mean, I have a car, I think technically that's a pet, because my son calls our $4,000 junker, Sabi. You know, Sabi. You don't need a brother, go get an oil change. Take Sabi out.
C-That'll be fun for him.
M-Yeah!
C-Do you uh,have something against real pets? I mean, why don't you have pets?
M-Uhm, I don't know. I was thinking about this recently, and it's true, I don't- I've never even considered getting a pet, and I think it's probably because my parents were more dog people than they were children people, you know, wonder why I'm in comedy...and uh..
C-You've got a lot to work for...
M-Uh,..no, like, seriously, we once had this dog when I was fourteen, an terrier, a beautiful dog, but you know, I think my mother liked her, the dog, more than me because one day, the-the dog, had, his eyeballs dialated, you know, and we thought he had a concussion, and then my mother thought (with a female voice) "Well, maybe it's this new flea collar that's,you know, that we tried, come here Mark," (with his regular voice) and she took the flea collar and rubbed it in my eye and my eyeballs dialated and she went (female voice) "Oh Thank God, Tucker's safe...oh! Whoo! Mark, I put something in your bowl." C-Go ahead and eat that.
M-"It's chocolate or whatever....what are you looking at?! What are you looking at??!!!! (makes drinking motion)...Look what you did to my breasts!!!" (regular voice) You know, it's-
(Mark, Andy, and Conan laugh hysterically)
M-Oh, God, I hope my parents aren't up late in Ottawa-
C-Tell them to watch!
M-Yeah-
C-Tell them to watch.
M-(To camera) Mom, I did a tribute to you!
C-Whenever I talk about my mom on the show, you know, she's always like "I didn't do that..."...I'm like "Yes you did."...uh, a clip, we have a clip here,-
M-Oh yeah, this is a clip from Dog Park,and-
C-How do you-...set this up for us, this is called "setting up the clip".
M-Alright, just so you get,get the clip, I'm a dog psychiatrist, and I'm counseling a couple who just split up, but they have joint custody of this dog called Mowgli. So, that's the set up.
C-Let's take a look at this clip from Dog Park.(They show clip from Dog Park)
C-Is that based on anyone? It's a funny character.
M-Yeah, Lorne Michaels.
C-Stop that! Stop doing that!!
M-I know.
C-Alright,that was very funny, Dog Park opens next Friday, and uh, starting next month, you're in the play Fuddy Meers.
M-At the Manhattan Theatre Club, it's a crazy, great play by David Lindsey-Abaire, directed by David Pacharka, come see, won't ya?
C-Man, you're a robot...Mark,thank you very much for coming, good to have you here, good luck with that, Mark McKinney everybody!! We'll take a break, we'll come back, Indigenous will perform!
this interview was trasncribed thanks to

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