MWHB Presents: Off the Hook
Before the PPV, there is a match for the number one contendor of the Pussyweight Title.
Match 1:
For the #1 contendor of the Pussyweight Title:
Dr. Strojny vs. Gotty 2 Hotty vs. Dastardly Danny D vs. Mr. Pip vs. Jester the Molestor
At the beggining of the match, Dr. Strojny comes out and says he is under 110 pounds, and therefore eligible for the Pussyweight Title. The match starts off with Jester hitting a couple clotheslines. Dr. Strojny started attacking everyone with a pan, knocking most of them out. The Dastardly Danny D hit a few double arms. Gotty 2 Hotty was eliminated after Jester gave him the 69 From Hell. When he got up his head was all bloody from a rusty pan shot from a while back. Danny D was the next to be eliminated, after another 69 From Hell. Mr. Pip ended Jester's momentum by giving him Pip's Misfortune, and then the 1-2-3. Dr. Strojny then took the advantage and delivered the Transfusion (Pumphandle Michinoku Driver) through a table for the win.
Winner: Dr. Strojny via Transfusion
Off the Hook officially starts:
The Off the Hook theme song, "Fuck the Police", by Dope, begins to play as the MWHB commishinor Prof. Palp. comes to the ring. He talks about how this is gonna be a great PPV. He calls out Hardass Lobb.
Hardass comes to the ring. As he's demanding to know what's going on, Butane runs up behind and hits him with a styrofoam board, and screams that it's cement. Prof. Palp. begins to ref, and our first match is under way.
Match 2:
Hardass Lobb vs. Butane
Butane takes the advantage early beating Hardass with the styrofoam. He kept demanding it was cement. Both men just exchanged weapons shots for a while. The high point of the match was when Hardass climbed to the top of the six foot ladder. Prof. Palp. pushed the ladder, and Hardass fell straight on his head! Trust me, it was not meant to happen! Butane then continued to pummel Hardass with styrofoam, and then whipped a rubber ball at Hardass, and he said that it was filled with cement also. Nobody believed him considering it bounced. Butane won the match after putting Hardass on a table, and Giving him the Big Splash, known as the Fack Attack, off the top rung of the ladder.
Winner: Butane via Fack Attack
The next match was a gauntlet match with High Performance Null against The Gauntlet. We had Gotty 2 Hotty, Dastardly Danny D, Mr. Pip, and Hardass all signed up for the match, plus one more entrant who only signed his name "the real sexiest man alive".
Match 3:
Gauntlet Match
High Performance Null vs. The Gauntlet
For the first 4 people of the gauntlet, HPN just completely dominated. He hit German Suplexes, and Fisherman's Suplexes left and right. He mainly toyed with all of them, and eventually pinned them all. A funny part was when Hardass came out, he screamed "SPEAR!" at the top of his lungs, and lunged at HPN. HPN just grabbed him out of the air and gave him a gordbuster. When he eliminated all the opponents, a strange music started to play. It was really dark, until it suddenly stopped and "I'm Horny all night long..." started blaring! SeckS was back! SeckS had been out with an injury for 6 months, but he was back and better than ever. He immediatly hit a sickening spine buster, and then a huge vertical suplex. The match when down to the bottom of the Pit, where there is a six foot balcony. HPN threw SeckS off the balcony, and then tossed down a table and two chairs. HPN jumped down by SeckS,and the match continued. HPN hits a DDT, and layed SeckS across the table. He climbed up to the top of the 6 foot balcony, and did a big splash off the top! Both men were down after this, but SeckS got up first. He hit 2 springboard moonsaults, which were great. He then hit the Orgasm Spasm (Rocker Dropper) off a chair, for a win, ending HPN's undefeated winning streak.
Winner: SeckS via Orgasm Spasm
After the match, HPN totally snapped. He talked for the first time, and let loose a string of obscenities. He snap powerbombed SeckS and ran off.
Match 4:
For the Pussyweight Title
Wrestling Tri-Athlon
Before the match, Elephant Man says that for today only, the stipulation for the Pussyweight Title was anyone under 175 lbs. The match starts off with Big Got hitting an amazing flying head scissor. He swung Elephant Man around at least 3 times before planting him on his skull. Big Got then gave Elephant Man a snap mare, into a drop kick. Elephant Man then took over with a T-Bone suplex. He picked Big Got up for a Powerbomb, but Big Got reversed it into a Hurricanrana. Elephant Man gained the momentum back with a capture suplex, then a reverse suplex. He hit a guillotine leg drop off the ladder. He kept going for pins, but couldn't get one. Big Got hit another hurricanrana, laying Elephant Man out. Big Got climbed to the top of the ladder, and did a huge 360° leg drop! He then picked Elephant Man up and gave him a text book tornado ddt, for the pin. Elephant Man got back up and started getting the momentum back. He hit a double underhook driver, but couldn't get the pin. He then hit a michinoku driver, but still no pin. He finally hit the Elephant Bomb (sit out inverted razor's edge), for the 1-2-3. Elephant Man starts out hitting a double underhook suplex. He then gave Big Got a rock bottom, except he started out on Elephant Man's shoulder, then Elephant spun him off, into a rock bottom. Elephant Man hurt his neck on that move, so Big Got took the advantage. He attempted a ham string pull submission, and then hit an enziguiri. He got Elephant Man into a variation sleeper, and got the submission. Elephant Man got Big Got to submit with a variation submission called The Fishing Pole. The match went down to the 6 foot balcony. Elephant Man gave Big Got a slingshot off the balcony, head first into some bushes. Elephant Man then hit a beautiful german suplex, and then his trademark Northern Lights. As he was working on Big Got some more, suddenly Dusty Boy leaped off the balcony and gave Elephant Man a huge plancha/clothesline. He then smashed a flourescent lightbulb over Elephant Man's back, cutting him open all over. He layed him onto a table at the bottom of the balcony. Big Got then set up a ladder at the top of the balcony, and did a swan dive off the ladder, off the balcony, through a table! This KO'd Elephant Man, and Big Got won by getting all 3 victories!
Winner: Big Got via Swan Dive
After the match, Dusty Boy was cackling loudly, saying that Elephant Man wasn't hardcore. Elephant Man got extremely pissed, and slammed dusty boy onto a steel electrical box. He gave him a double knee bulldog off it, then hit the Elephant Bomb. He then set up a table. He told Dusty Boy that they'd see who's really hardcore, and Northern Lights suplexed him through the table.
Match 5:
For #1 contendor Pussyweight Title
Strojny vs. Jester the Moelester
Before the Match Jester comes out and says he deserves a rematch for the Pussyweight #1 contendor spot. Then Strojny comes out and attacks Jester. This match saw many highlights. Strojny exectuing almost every suplex in the book. When Jester fought back he used his testicular fortitude to get him back in the match. He was humping away on Strojny. But in the end Strojny prevailed with the Transfussion and retained his #1 Pussyweight contendorship.
Winner: Dr. Strojny via Transfusion
We hear some strange music playing, and suddenly, a new wrestler comes out of the entrance way. It's Jewel Man! He came out with a paper jewel bag, and was wearing a jewel uniform. As he started adressing the crowd, some crazy assed kid comes running out yelling "My parents shop at Dominick's, BITCH!", and clubbed Jewel Man over the head. Jewel Man screamed "Parcel Pick-Up!" and put the paper bag over the kids head. He then picked him up and gave him a 10 second airplane spin, and flung him off his shoulders. He then ran around and gave a bunch of fans the airplane spin, and ran off.
Match 8:
Finisher's Only
Injury Prone
vs.
D'Animal
This was a grudge match, with both men having something to prove. Injury Prone had the control for almost the whole match. He hit a fisherman's buster early on. He then picks up D'Animal into a fireman's carry. We all think he's going for the Gimp Drop, but he fakes us out and hits a TKO. D'Animal is down, so Injury Prone does the Flamingo Skip (Cartwheel Splash). Injury Prone picks him back up and gets him into another fireman's carry. He then says "You love, and...! You're not gonna see it yet!" and gives D'Animal a somoan drop. He then slaps him around a bit and picks him back up. He gets him into ANOTHER fireman's carry, and this time delivers a flip slam (front flip slam). He asks for the pin, but this is a finisher's only match. He gets pissed and starts smacking D'Animal. Bad move. D'Animal's mouth starts bleeding, and he let's out a roar. He hits a HUGE spear, leveling Injury Prone. He then hooks on the D'Animation (tazzmission), and then delivers the D'Animation Plex (tazzmission belly to back suplex)! This ends the match, because it was his finisher. Injury Prone's partner, Dr. Strojny runs out, only to get smacked by a chair.
Match 7:
For the TV Title. Best 2 out of 3 falls.
Dusty Boy
vs.
Sonny
Dusty Boy comes out first, and does some mic work, saying that it was the late Fiend who made him act gay. He said that he made him hold his hand, and other gay things. He said that he's done being gay, and it's all about hardcore now.
Sonny comes out wearing a sailor suit, and makes fun of Dusty Boy, taunting him about being raped by sailors. Dusty Boy snaps and the match begins. Both men hit some nice take downs early on. Sonny hits a cool hurricanrana, followed up with a nice DDT. Dusty comes back with a jaw breaker, and a somersault splash. He then gets Sonny up and delivers a HUGE brainbuster, that looked amazing. He then hit a sit out front suplex. Both men were down after this, but Sonny gets up firts. He lays a chair in the middle of the ring, and gives Dusty Boy a pedigree onto the chair for the first pin. Dusty Boy attempts a come back, but Elephant Man stands next Sonny, and Dusty Boy starts to act intimidated. Sonny set up a table, and Elephant Man's presence was well needed because Sonny was able to hit his flipping Pearl Harbor Plunge (behind the back sitting double underhook DDT, where he does a front flip off a chair to do) through the table, for the second pin. Dusty didn't even have a chance.
Winner: Sonny via Pearl Harbor Plunge
Match 8:
For the MWHB Heavyweight Title. Trunk Death Match
Latino Sensation Diego
vs.
Professor Palpitator
The main event was finally underway. There were a ton of great moves in this match. Prof. Palp. took the advantage early, hitting a clothes line from hell. He followed it up with a double armed DDT. LSD fought back hitting the Nitrous Oxide (Similar to Nova's move, Shot of Novacain) onto a chair. LSD then worked up the crowd by hitting a sweet superkick, and then the Latino Leg Drop. He then climbed the ladder and put on his flying goggles, and hit a beautiful guillotine off the 5th rung. Prof. Palp. then started fighting back, and gave LSD a double handed choke-slam through a table. He then ducked LSD's clothesline and hit the School's Out (Bossman slam). LSD wouldn't stay down for the pin, so Prof. Palp. put on the elevated texas clover leaf. LSD tapped out, but to win, Prof. Palp. had to get him into the trunk of a car at the bottom of the six foot balcony. He started bringing LSD down to the balcony. He threw him off, and threw a wooden board down. It hit LSD right in the face and broke his lip open. He then put the board up against the balcony, and speared LSD through it! LSD somehow fought off getting put in the trunk and slowly made a come back. He finally knocked the big man down, and he climbed to the top of the balcony. He did an absolutely picture perfect THuG splash (five star frog splash) onto Prof. Palp. He got the pin, but he wasn't done yet. He went behind some bushes and grabbed an aluminum table! He gave Prof. Palp. The Tiajuana Toke Up (Rock Bottom) through the table. He then stuffed Prof. Palp. into the trunk, and the bell sounded. LSD is the new MWHB Heavyweight Champion! However, he wasn't done quite yet! He got into the car and started driving off. He drove to a secluded area, and went to open up the trunk, only to discover that Prof. Palp. wasn't there!
The camera fades out as we see a new champ crowned, and an old champ dissapeared. What new fueds have been started? Dusty Boy and Elephant Man? SeckS and HPN? Dr. Strojny and Jester? Only time will tell. As for this PPV, however, it very much was... OFF THE HOOK.
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