Joel Hindman and Diamond Dallas Page v. Kane and the Undertaker
DDP's music hits, and he and Joel Hindman comes down to the ring with him. Joel has a mic. "Hey DDP, buddy, I know it is your last night as my servant here at the Royal Rumble. But you know what, on the last Raw is Nitro you insulted me by Diamond Cutting me through a table. Well, tonight you will do exactly as I order because if you don't, Bulava has assured me you will be my servant for as long as you work in the SDWF. So, after the match we can part are ways, but I need you to help me put an impressive nothh on my resume by beating Kane and the American Bad Ass."
The flames sound off, and Limp Bizkit's Rollin sounds through the loud speakers. Kane and the American Bad Ass come down to the ring, ready to battle. The bell sounds, and DDP and Kane start the match off. Kane assaults DDP in the corner, and stomps away at him. Kane picks up DDP and gorilla press slams him. Kane tags in his brother and the Undertaker walks the ropes and comes down hard on DDP's arm. During this, Kane heads over to Joel's corner. Joel runs away like a frightened little bitch to the backstage area. Kane and the Undertaker put a double piledriver on DDP. Kane picks up DDP and both brothers give DDP a chokeslam. Kane picks up DDP and tombstones him to the mat. The Undertaker signals for the Last Ride, and he picks up DDP and performs the move with ease. DDP is easy pickings, and both brothers lay their feet on the downed DDP to pick up a 1..2..3. Undertaker and Kane walk out and celebrate a very easy victory.
Winners: Kane and the Undertaker
In their personal lounge backstage, Jeff Jarrett and Stephanie are relaxing and enjoying the spectacles via television. On the table in front of them is an array of appetizers and hor d'oeuvres. When Stephanie reaches forward to grab a celery stick, Jeff Jarrett suddenly stands up and tells Stephanie that he'll be back in a couple of minutes.
"Don't go away, ok, Stephanie? Stay where you are, I'll just be a second or two. Just stay here, honey," Jeff Jarrett assures his paramour.
"What? Where are you going? What's going on???" Stephanie cries in confusion.
"Just promise me you'll stay here. I've got a suprise for you."
Stephanie reluctanly promises not to leave the lounge and awaits whatever Jarrett has in store for her. After 10 minutes, she begins to feek impatient and starts to get up so she can find out what the hell her male lover is up to, but Jarrett enters even before Stephanie has the chance to stand up. Jarrett stands in front of the partly opened door and has his hands behind his back.
Stephanie inquires about Jarrett's strange posture. "Why are you standing like that? What are you hiding?" She is filled with suspicion and has a sinking feeling about what Jarrett is about to reveal to her. With a sly smile playing on his lips, Jarrett hands her a chain. Steph looks at the chain in bewilderment and then is thrilled to find that attached to the chain is a magnificent Rotweiller, the biggest she's ever seen. The massive dog has a shiny coat of a rich, chocolatety brown mixed in with some black.
"The dog is your anniversary present from me. He's all yours. You can name his whatever you want," Jarrett explains. Stephanie, joyful beyond words, manages to utter, "Oh Jeff, this is exactly what I've wanted for the longest time. I'm gonna name him Slapnuts."
SDWF Hardcore tag team championship match
Rob Van Dam and Doyle v. Ike and Lance Storm v. Kronik
Rob Van Dam's music hits, and he gets into the ring. "You know, everybody here knows that they payed with their hard earned money to see the Whole Fucking Show Rob Van Dam. You can go home after this match. But that little bitch Doyle is only my hardcore tag team champ partner because of a match with fucked up stipulations. I'd rather give up a shot at the SDWF Championship then tag in that loser. I will win this match on my own."
Doyle's music hits, and he comes down to the ring with his hardcore tag title. He points towards the back, and Lance Storm and Ike come to the entryway. They all high five Doyle and motion to Rob Van Dam that the end is near.
Kronik's music plays, and Brian Adams has a mic. "You know, ever since Kronik disbanded the Facgime, we have not been heard much from. But now, with our new and improved group, the High Rollers, Kronik is gonna smoke more ass than ever before!"
The match begins, with Brian Adams and Rob Van Dam starting it off. Van Dam begins to put a series of flying head scissors maneuvers on Adams. Adams strength is not helping him as Van Dam flies around the ring. Van Dam's speed allows him to outmaneuver the big man. Van Dam easily knocks him down several times, and taunts towards the fans. When his back is turned Adams gets up and gives Van Dam a low blow. Adams clotheslines Van Dam hard in the back, and stomps him like he is nothing on the mat. Adams looks over at Ike, flips him off, and then tags him in. Ike gets in the ring and goes to town on Van Dam. Ike goes for a quick "The Meaning of Life", but Van Dam blocks it and DDT's Ike hard to the mat. Van Dam, refusing to make a tag, continues his assault on Ike. Ike gets up tags in Storm. Storm gets in the ring and immediately tries for a Canadian Maple Leaf. Van Dam gets to the ropes, and gets up and kicks Storm in the face. Van Dam goes outside to get a chair, and prepares for a Van Daminator. Before he can get back in the ring, Clark slaps Storm hard on the back, tagging himself in. Suddenly the Christian and the Harris Brothers arrive to help Van Dam. Ike, Doyle, and Storm immediately go after the Company members, battling them outside the ring. In the ring, Van Dam gets caught in a High Times. Kronik pins Van Dam for a 1..2..3. Kronik walks off victorious with the hardcore tag belts, and Impact 2001 take out their frustrations of losing by making a bloody mess out of Van Dam.
Seen wondering about the west parking lot in a drunken state is Guritz. A passerby notices Guritz and calls security, thinking he's a lonely drunk homeless guy trying to panhandle. The security guards arrive to the parking lot. At first, they only see a man too well-fed to be a bum, but then realize it's Guritz reeking of stale cigarrettes and alcohol, so they escort him into the building.
Later that night....
Some of the wrestlers and even the janitorial staff are talking about Guritz's "condition". Stephanie and Miss Hancock are walking together to Stephanie's dressing room when both women over hear the staff gossipping about the security guards finding Guritz, as one janitor said, "drunker than a moose in heat". Miss Hancock's ears perks up and she wants to find out more so she calls up one of the security guards who escorted Guritz into the building. When asked what he knows, the security guard recounted that Guritz's wife had been cheating on him for some time with a man living in a nieghboring trailer at the park. When Guritz found out, he demanded why she would do such a thing. The wife replied that she had never been pleasured in all the years they've been married and continued to insult her husband's manhood for more than an hour. Guritz's daughter, against his wishes, ran away to shack up with the lader of a motorcycle gang and his son left him to join the circus. Feeling like a lonely loser, Guritz drove off to the nearest bar and proceeded to liquor himself up to the point he couldn't walk properly and was drooling uncontrollably.
The security guard then leaves Miss Hancock and Stephanie alone in the dressing room.
"Oh wow... can you believe that? The poor man," sympathizes Miss Hancock. Stephanie just bursts into peals and peals of laughter. Miss Hancock is confused and asks what is so funny.
"Stacy, please! The poor man?? Guritz is such a loser. He's always trying to get chummy with us like he's our best friend or something. All of the wrestlers have been complaining that Guritz has been following them around like some deranged puppy. Don't you see him trying to act big and important, when in reality he's just a fat bum who can't pleasure a woman? Hell, he's tried multiple times to grab my ass, but I just reach behind and give him a good Nut Crunch. I doubt he can ever have kids again."
"You know, Steph, I see what you're talking about now. I've noticed that too. I've also noticed he's been getting a little 'friendly' with that diseased whore, Trish. I wouldn't be surprised if she's even fucked him already. She's screw anything that even resembles a phallis. I'd be careful though, if I were you, Stephanie."
"Oh you're always worrying about me. I'll be fine. Anyways, I have Jeff and all of the Kliq if anything comes up," Stephanie assurres her friend.
Bill Goldberg v. Justin Credible
Goldberg's music hits, and he comes down to the ring. "Joel Hindman, know that I am with the High Rollers, we will no longer assosiate with one another. You heard me right, we're through! And tonight, in front of all of these fans I am going to win my first match!" The fans laugh at so absurd a proposal.
Justin Credible's music hits, and he smiles because he knows he will have an easy victory. The bell sounds, and Credible immediately goes to work on Goldberg. Less than 2 minutes into the match, Justin signals for the That's Incredible. He picks up Goldberg and puts him in his finisher. As he goes for the pin, their is no referee. He looks to see Dawn Marie distracting the ref. Rob Van Dam gets in the ring and puts Credible in a Van Daminator. Van Dam puts Goldberg on top of Credible, and slides out of the ring. The ref turns around and counts 1..2..3. The fans are shocked, Goldberg has officially ended his losing streak in the SDWF!!!! Goldberg has won a match!!!!!!
Winner of his first match: Goldberg
No Disqualification, Falls Count Anywhere, No Title Match
Jeff Jarrett v. Mike Sanders
The Chosen One's music hits, and he comes down to the ring with his Kliq guitar. He grabs a mic. "Listen up you Natural Born Slapnut. I am the Chosen One. I put your sorry ass through a window at Raw is Nitro, and I'm about to do a lot worse to you tonight. Now choke on that, slapnuts." Mike Sander's music hits, and he gets a mic. "You know something Jeff, I think tonight you are SOL, and you know what that means."
Sanders says nothing else and rushes to the ring. Jarrett and Sanders start beating each other up. Jarrett gets a knee in on Sanders, and he puts a sleeper on Sanders. Sanders easily gets out of it by putting a falling neck drop on JJ. JJ rakes Sanders's eyes and throws him out of the ring. JJ grabs a camera cord and chokes Sanders with it. JJ grabs the camera from the cameraman and hits Sanders directly in the face with it. He goes for the cover on Sanders, but JJ lets him up to inflict more punishment. JJ guillotines Sanders across the safety rail, and takes him up the rampway and past the SDWFtron into the backstage area. There, JJ goes to throw Sanders through a window again, but Sanders blocks it and DDTs JJ on the concrete. Sanders takes JJ to the garage, and there he proceeds to put JJ in a pile driver on top of the car. Sanders pins JJ on top of the car and gets a 1..2.. but JJ kicks out! JJ crawls to a tire iron and hits Sanders in the jaw with it when he comes by. JJ pops open the trunk of the car to reveal a guitar. JJ smashes the guitar over the head of Sanders and goes for the pin. 1..2.. but Sanders kicks out! JJ is in shock! Suddenly, Kurt Angle arrives from nowhere and hits JJ in the head with a pipe. Sanders covers JJ, and the ref counts 1..2..3. Sanders wins the match, and he and Bulava leave quickly before the Kliq members show up to check on their fallen comrade.
Winner: Mike Sanders
Stephanie McMahon v. Trish Stratus
Swaggering in her usual smug manner is Trish Stratus waving to all the male members of the audience. Trish blows kisses at the audience and the crowd goes mad, cheering and encouraging Trish to show them her "puppies". Before Trish can give the crowd want they want, Stephanie McMahon's music comes on, and Stephanie races down to the ring, full of hatred for her slutty rival. Stephanie hastily grabs the microphone from the ring announcer.
"I will KILL you, bitch. I want to slit you damn throat open."
Stephanie produces from under her top a long black case. She opens the case and takes out a long Gigistu knife sharp enough to cut though copper. Trish, thoroughly shocked, widens her eyes at the sight of the knife's silvery glint. Stephanie, fueled by her animosity towards Trish, bolts toward her blonde rival with the knife in hand. Trish ducks just in time and Stephanie is sent spinning in confusion ot the other side of the ring. Trish takes advantage of Stephanie's momentary confusion and slaps Stephanie across her face. The slap startles Stephanie and as a result causes her to lose her grip on the knife. The weapon falls out of Stephanie's hand and unto the ground outside the ring.
Trish continues to slap Stephanie until she recieves a blow to the stomach by Stephanie. The wind is taken out of Trish so Stephanie pushes her to the ground, grabs Trish's hair, and begins to bash her head repeatedly. Then much to everyone's surprise, Guritz waddles to the ring and comes to Trish's rescue. He grabs Stephanie's hair from behind and drags her away from Trish. Stephanie is absolutley infuriated because of the interference by this point and frantically tries to break free from Guritz's grip. She manages to give him a blow to his dysfuntional family jewels which makes Gurtiz wince in pain and release his grip just enough so Stephanie can escape. During all this, Trish has decided to take a break from wrestling to model a few of her infamously whorey poses to the audience.
Stephanie is pissed off as all hell at Guritz for interfering with her match. "Guritz, you're just a drunk loser who can't even satisfy his own wife. You think I'm actually scared of you? Fucking break it on."
Guritz lowers his head and charges towards Stephanie like an engraged bull. Stephanie just cunningly slides to her right, avoiding her male opponent's attack. Trying to lead him away from the ring, Stephanie flips Guritz off and runs off smiling, in the hope the tubby man would follow her. He does. Unaware that Stephanie is hiding behind an open door of a stairwell, Guritz, breathing heavily by now, searches for her. In order to attract him, Stephanie sneezes behind the door. Guritz hears the noise and walks to the stairwell. That's when Stephanie reveals herself from behind the door and pushes Guritz down the stairs to his death.
Having taken care of the annoying fat man, Stephanie hurries back to the ring to finish off Trish. The blonde slut is still posing for the crowd and Stephanie takes this opportunity to beat the fucking shit out of her. Trish manages to squirm away, but out comes a guitar weilding Jeff Jarrett. Trish stands up and Stephanie attempts to pull out Trish's hair the same time Jeff Jarrett accidently hits his bitch with his guitar. Stephanie falls to the ground, but slowly gets back up. She is completely pissed now and screams obscenities at Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett tries to explain to Stephanie that he had accidently hit her and was actually aiming for Trish.
"Yeah, fucking right. You wanted to hit me on purpose so I wouldn't win this match against Trish. You want Trish to win, don't you? Well, fine then. You can have the damn whore. I don't want to have anything to do with you again." Stephanie angrily stomps off with Jeff Jarrett behind her trying to explain.
Winner: Trish Stratus
SDWF Backyard Brawl - Last Man Standing
The Booker: Bulava v. Stromboni
A scene is shown on the SDWFtron, as Bulava sits in a local Wendy's restaurant. He awaits the arrival of Stromboni. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Stromboni hops up over the counter and hits Bulava in the head with a frying pan. Stromboni smashes Bulava's head onto a railing, and grabs some sweet and sour sauce and throws it in Bulava's eyes. Stromboni goes to throw Bulava through the glass door at the Wendy's restaurant, but Bulava reverses it and throws Stromboni through the window. Bulava goes outside and throws Stromboni into the back of a pickup truck and drives away down Route 30 in it. He turns onto Western Avenue, and he drives like a maniac to try and get Stromboni to try to fly out of the truck.
Suddenly, they are turned onto Alleghany street, and Bulava turns to see a bunch of kids trying to cross the street. He swerves to miss them and crashes into a yellow house. There is a missing house next to the yellow house, so Stromboni and Bulava begin to battle it out in the yard there. Stromboni grabs a rake and slams the wooden end on Bulava's neck. The ref, who had ridden with Bulava in the truck, was the most effected by the accident. As Stromboni and Bulava both clotheslined each other down with a pair of shovels, their was no ref to count the men down and out. After a few minutes, a limosine pulls up and Buff Bagwell and Simon Diamond hop out of it. Diamond helps Bulava up, and Bagwell reveals a referee shirt and begins to count to ten very fast. At eight, Stromboni gets to his feet and Buff is forced to quit counting. Buff goes for a DDT on Stromboni, but he rakes Buff's eyes and grabs Bulava. He throws Bulava into the open trunk of the limo, and gets in the drivers seat and locks the door before Buff and Diamond can get in. Stromboni screeches off as Buff and Diamond are left stranded on Alleghany Street.
Stromboni drives into Steger, and drives up to Steger's Central Junior High School. Stromboni had thought of wrestling in Rich East, but realized the maximum security would get him kicked out of there. He brought Bulava into the hallways that he had travelled down as an early teen, and he piledrove Bulava onto the steps. Stromboni sent Bulava into the bathroom and slammed his head into a urinal. Bulava punched Stromboni in the jaw and put him in a neckbreaker on the bathroom floor. Bulava grabbed a mop left by one of the janitors and tried to drown Stromboni in it. Stromboni got enough strength to get out of it, and he kneed Bulava in the stomach and sent him back into the halls.
On the second floor, Stromboni threw Bulava through the door of Mr. Mielke's eight grade science class. The class was stunned by their arrival. Mr. Mielke glared at them. "Bulava, Stromboni, I remember you two! I was right about you guys, you didn't take a career in science and that's why you are both just plain vanilla. Since you interrupted my eighth grade class, I am ordering you two to sing I'm A Little Teapot!" Stromboni and Bulava looked at each other, and immediately grabbed Mr. Mielke and put him in a spike piledriver through the table. Mr. DeVore, the overweight math teacher, struggled to get through the door. "What's going on in here?" he asked, and when he saw Mr. Mielke in a heap he immediately splashed down on him with all of his weight. The class erupted in cheers, and Bulava and Stromboni continued to battle.
Bulava threw Stromboni through the second story window through the ground below, and went for a frog splash on Stromboni. Bulava connected, but the fact that he jumped two stories put him out as well. Both lay motionless in the grass. After a few minutes, both get to their feet and wearily try to knock each other out. Suddenly, Buff and Diamond appear again and knock out Stromboni with a Super Blockbuster, Buff leaping from a branch of a tree. Buff began to count, as he was a ref. Out of nowhere Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and HHH arrive. Nash power bombs Buff, Hall puts the Outsiders Edge on Diamond, and HHH picks up Bulava and Pedigrees him. A real ref arrives, and counts out Bulava. Stromboni is declared the winner, and he takes off his shirt to reveal a Kliq shirt underneath. Stromboni gives the Kliq sign to the Outsiders and HHH, and they celebrate. Stromboni and his Kliq brothers leave, so the Outsiders and HHH can get to the SDWF arena in time for the Rumble. Bulava gets up, very bloody and very pissed off. Buff and Diamond take him home, and then rush to get to the SDWF arena in time for the Rumble.
Winner: Stromboni
SDWF Championship Cage Match
Kurt Angle v. Stone Cold Steve Austin
Winner and still SDWF Champion: Kurt Angle
Stone Cold Steve Austin's Disturbed theme hits, and he comes down to the ring with a six pack of beer, ready to celebrate his victory over Angle. Angle's music hits, and there is no time wasted as the two begin beating the hell out of each other as the cage lowers around the ring. Austin puts Angle's head underneath the ropes, trying to get the lowering cage to crush Angle. Angle low blows Austin, and moves in the nick of time. The cage lowered, Angle grabs Austin's face and smashes it into the cage. Angle continues to beat down on Austin, and he picks him up and suplexes him to the mat. Angle gets Austin in the corner and attacks him, but Austin gives Angle a low blow and gives him the Lou Thesz Press. Austin flips off Angle and puts him in a piledriver. Austin heads to the top rope, which is a rareity for him, and Angle moves out of the way as Austin tries to come down with a flying elbow drop. Angle puts an STF on Austin's leg, and holds him in it for several minutes. The fans chant "AUSTIN AUSTIN AUSTIN" to try to get him to his feet. Austin reverses the hold, and has Angle screaming in pain. After several minutes, Austin releases Angle and picks him up for a Stunner. Angle shoves Austin before he can perform his finisher, and Angle sets up Austin for the Olympic Slam. Austin slides off of Angle's back, and applies the Stunner to Angle as the fans stand in unison. Austin begins to climb the cage, and the fans roar as they realize Austin will win the SDWF Championship. Suddenly, as Austin is climbing the cage, the cage suddenly lifts high into the air, leaving Austin stranded on the cage high in the air. Austin is 50 feet in the air as he curses and hangs on. Angle, seeing the cage is gone, slides to the floor. Since Angle was the first one to "get out of the cage", the bell is rung and Angle is declared the winner. On the SDWFtron, a bloodied Bulava smiles at the McDonalds in Steger. He tells all the fans, "Austin, Stromboni, I may have lost the battle but I have won the war! Looks like th guy backstage who raised the cage when Austin was on it gets his bonus. And that is FINAL!"
SDWF Royal Rumble 2001
There will be two lists, one with the order of entry and one with the order of elimination and who eliminated them. The number in parenthesis in the order of elimination match signifies which number the count was on (for example, if we were (9 People had entered, the number would be 9)
Order of entry:
Order of elimination
Your winner of the Royal Rumble and the number one contender for the SDWF Championship at Wrestlemania II: Scott Hall
