Author Note: This is how I thought the whole Jess coming back should have gone. Since as I quote “Jess is going to Kick Rory's butt for dropping out and "changing”” and he sort of failed at doing that! Anyway this is based off a Bethany Joy Lenz (I’m sorry I don’t remember her married name), which is called Crazy Girls. Oh and Bethany also plays Halley on One Tree Hill, which all of you should know features Chilton’s original bad-boy Chad Michael Murray.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters or the song, just the plot!
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I’ve been behind on the events of the past 7 days
I’ve been sleeping in my bed
And missing you like sometimes crazy girls do
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He was not suppose to come back. Not into my life, we were not suppose to be friends. We were not even suppose to be boyfriend-girlfriend. But most of all he was not suppose to come back into my life.
He left me with nothing, no phone call, no see-ya later, no I’m sorry, no nothing! And then he just expects to walk back into my life like he was only gone for an hour.
The first time he came back was hard enough. But I did not handle that well either. And then for him to just blurt out that he loved me. What was I suppose to say to that?
“Well, I don’t love you”…just did not fit. Because a little part of me knew that I would be lying to myself and to him.
“To late”…also did not work since I was not sure if he was to late.
So I did what I do best when I realize my feelings, but do not want to confront them, I ran. And ran and ran. I’m not a runner, so I did not make it very far. But he did not try running after me, and well I’m not even sure what I would have done if he did, but maybe I would not be where I am today.
Dating Logan, dropped out of Yale, and living with my Grandparents. He had every right to yell at me, I just wish he would have come back sooner.
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I’ve been hanging like a child onto this photograph of us
It was taken on a bus across town the last time I saw you
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It is sort of funny because the day after I saw him on the bus, a little old lady handed me a photo of us sitting there. It was nothing special we weren’t even sitting close, but for some reason I kept it.
I tried burning it, ripping it, throwing it away. I even tried drawing devil horns on his head. But something always stopped me. So I put the picture in a box, with my copy of Oliver Twist, concert stubs, and a few other random items from our short but powerful relationship together.
I don’t know what made me take that box with me, but for some reason that box went to Yale with me, and then to my grandparents.
And that’s where I am now. I just got back into my room after fighting with a drunken Logan who left me to take a taxi back to the house. Staring at the box filled with the things from our broken relationship. And now this whole world is going ‘round
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But it’s when you’re gone it really brings me down, down
For a while there I was doing great.
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I made it to Yale and actually was enjoying it and succeeding in the IVY League. But I wanted more. And after your visit, I did what I always do, went right back into Dean’s lonely arms.
I even knew what I did was wrong, but with the world going round, and you not there to put it back on it’s axis for me, I continued to go into the arms that wanted and seemed to need me.
And then Logan came into my life. And he was so much like you. A bad boy, who could and often did challenge my intellect. But he was no you. He was to rich, to spoiled by the ways of his society. Logan would never survive the type of life I wanted to have, but he offered more than anyone else has ever offered me. The chance to rebel.
You always kept me close. You could still pull off the bad boy thing, but never when I was around. You kept me safe from that side of you, not knowing that was the side that I needed and wanted to partake in. I wanted the chance to live life dangerously.
But not like this, not like how I did, and not how it lead me to living the life my mom tried to protect me from.
I became lost and confused and well to put it simply I was down.
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Well I can’t get my self together I’m soaking in the pain
It’s ridiculous how easy it is to go astray
When my focus ain’t right
Sometimes crazy’s all right
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When I was told that I would not make it has a journalist I got scarred. My fear soaked in that pain and I couldn’t get away from it. I thought that rebelling would hide that pain , and it did for a while, but it only led to more pain.
I needed you there to pull me back together. To hold my scattering pieces of sanity and to never let them stray from the path that I was destined to lead.
But you weren’t there and I was easily strayed onto a different path. I dropped everything that I once cherished to become the future wife, Logan would one day need/want.
What kind of logic was that? I never wanted to be that kind of person. My eyes lost their focus on the end result of me being successful on my own, not because of some society rich husband. But for a while there that crazy life was alright.
Until you decided to return and yell at me.
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You left and I realized what I had been doing the last few months was pathetic and not who I was at all. My crazy world of community service and DAR functions were not enough to make me happy. You were so right, but why did you have to be right?Oh, will you wait till I get back home again
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I never fought with Dean or Logan, except when you came into conversations. You have always been the one causing me stay up all night wondering…Why?
Then:
Now:
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I never found answers to all my questions before, and now nothing as change.
But I do find myself saying, because I love him, and that is not acceptable.
I do not want to love you again. I want to be free from your stubborn rebellious ways. Though you are so much like your uncle, all though when he had his chance to be rebellious, he choose to be responsible. He forced himself to stay, while you choose to run.
That’s where we are alike. Only I run to semi-safe ground, while you run to New York or California. Which drives me crazy!
Why am I driving myself crazy thinking about you….because I’m crazy for you and I am acting like a crazy girl.
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I’m trying to live without you, but as the world keeps spinning I am barely caring on with living with you gone.
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I want to be crazy for you again and I want to do what crazy girls do, but I’m scarred.
I’m scarred you will leave me again.
I’m scarred that I will not make it at Yale
I’m scarred that you are the only one that can make my world right
I’m scarred that you will not be waiting for me when I get home
I’m scarred of living without you
I’m so scarred that I’m going crazy, but I’m to the point where crazy’s alright
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If I say I love you again, I want and need some promises.
No more running away from each other.
No more hiding our feelings.
No more hiding our true selves.
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Why did you wait for me to loose everything, before you came to yell at me?
Why didn’t you drag me away instead of just yelling?
Thank you.
For waiting for me to figure out my crazy life. For keeping me up all night.
For what Jess?
I think sometimes crazy’s all right. As long as I end up back in my guys arms when it gets a bit too crazy!
And now this whole world is going ‘round
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‘Cause I’m willing to give this another chance
Only you baby keep me up at night
Sometimes crazy’s all right
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Why did you come to Stars Hallow?
Why did you choose me?
Why didn’t you fight harder for me?
Why did I like you so much?
Why did you leave me?
Why did you wait so long to tell me you love me?
Why aren’t you coming back for me?
Why did you come back?
Why is being your friend not enough?
Why do you seem to be willing to give us another chance?
Why can’t I be willing to give us another chance?
Why did you wait so long to come back into my life and yell at me?
Why do I want you to wait for me to figure my life out?
Why do all these questions make me feel crazy?
And why does being crazy seem all right for once?
Well I never thought I’d say I was in love with you again
It’s funny how my life has come around to this
And I’m crazy for you
I do like crazy girls do
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And now this whole world is going ‘round
But it’s when you’re gone it really brings me down…
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Oh, will you wait till I get back home again
‘Cause I’m willing to give this another chance
Only you baby keep me up at night
Sometimes crazy’s all right, crazy’s all right
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Oh, will you wait till I get back home again/this whole world…
‘Cause I’m willing to give this another chance/…is going ‘round
Only you baby keep me up at night/this whole world is going ‘round
Sometimes
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(I will only run towards you baby)
(I love you. I have since the moment I first laid eyes on you)
(I was scarred of loosing you, I’m scarred of keeping you. But you know me better than anyone, just like I know you better than anyone)
Only you baby keep me up at night/this whole world is going ‘round
Sometimes crazy’s all right
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(I had to figure my life out, just like you did. Time was needed before we could have lasted as a couple)
(You had to make the decision. Your mom knew that, I knew that, and ultimately you had to know that.)
(For what Baby?)
(Thank you.)
(For waiting for me to come home, for giving us another chance, for keeping me up all night, and for being my crazy girl)