You love him, You love him, YOU LOVE HIM!!
A little voice in my head and in my heart keeps saying that over and over. I was scared that it was true, and I was even more afraid of admitting it. But that little voice in my head keeps reminding me of the time you rescued me from the demon-possessed sprinklers, and the time you decorated my room in Yale banners. And the nights we would sit in silence reading, later swapping books that we knew the other would enjoy the context. How your hair was never perfect, that your eyes would always tell me what you were really thinking, and mostly I loved how you were comfortable with my town, even if you refused to admit to that fact.
When I found out you left, I didn't know what to do. Mom has always been horrible with relationships, Lane was with Dave, Luke could hardly look at me (though he did give me all the coffee I wanted), Paris was off with Jamie and her own world, there was no one I could turn to. Not to mention I didn't know what to do. Were you coming back? Were we still together? Why did you leave? Why didn't you tell me on the bus that day? Why did you leave me? What did I do, or what could have I have done? I was confused.
I knew it was you who called me the day of my graduation. I don't know how I knew, but the same voice that tells me I love you, told me it was you. I wanted it to be you, I needed it to be you so I could hear your voice. You failed to talk, but I got to tell you that I loved you. Well I said I could have been in love with you, but I was confused and now I know I love you. And I needed to tell you, let you know how much you mean to me.
The messages started in August when my mom came up with the idea of leaving messages that informed people of why they couldn't reach us. Even though this is against all security suggestions of answering machine massages, I went along with the idea.
I still remember the first message.
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"Mom you know my schedule this week why do I need to do this now."
"Because you know I won't remember, and what if it is Lane trying to get a hold of you? She doesn't know what your plans for this week are."
"Ok, but if my dorm is burglarized because of this, I'm sticking my roommates on you."
"Ooo… cat fights. Can we charge admission." Lorelai said while jumping up and down and clapping her hands.
"Mother!" Rory said while rolling her eyes. "Ok here goes nothing."
"Hey this is the Rory..." "Who else would they be calling?" "and that's my mom, but don't leave a message for her. If it's Monday thru Thursday I'm probably in class, if it's Friday night I'm at my Grandparents. And if you are still waiting for that melody it will be a few more milliseconds. oh and PS if this is LA I still love you."
"You still waiting for him to call." Lorelai asked with a sad look in her eye.
"He called once, he will call again. He just needs time to figure things out."
"You have been saying that for four months."
"He could have tried calling while we were traveling the Continent."
"And Jess could have acted like the smart boy you claim he is by going to school and sticking around." Lorelai said, though sounding mad at her daughter was really mad a Jess for leaving her baby without being gutsy enough to tell her what was going on before he bought a bus ticket.
"He'll call." Rory sighed and dropped onto her bed,
"I hope he does." Lorelai said while gathering her daughter into her arms.
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I didn't cry, or what my mom calls wallowing, until after my graduation party. When I got home and was so exhausted I could barely move, I looked at my bed and saw the little Yale dog you got me sitting there. I just held onto it and cried until I fell into a deep sleep. That’s when the dream happened. It was us dancing at the dance-a-thon. It was the same song, and it was only the two of us there. Dean never came to break us up, and the music never stopped. Then we were dancing in the gazebo in the middle of the park with the little lights that Taylor keeps up all year round, shinning like stars around us. I looked into your eyes and told you that I loved you. And then you looked at me and whispered, 'I will always love you Rory.' then you were going to kiss me. But I woke up before that could happen. And I cried again, because I knew that I loved you, not that I could have loved you, but that I was truly madly deeply in love with you. With you gone it hurt like a thousand arrows ripping my skin apart.
Europe helped take my mind off you for a few hours here and there, but you were always there.
When we got back one of the first things I asked Luke was if you contacted him. He said no, but that your dad called and said you were with him. That’s how I knew you were in LA. And that’s why I waited.
School started and I thought of you being there with me. You would have hated Yale, but you would have liked the challenge and the older books that the professors thought were best for learning. We could have study together, and talked about the books that we were to read for that week. When I started writing for the paper, and Jonathon wanted my reviews to be more than what they were, I knew that you would have told me that first and helped me figure out what was missing in them. I wanted you there, and though I have survived without you, thus far, I need you in my life.
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“Hey it’s the study alcoholic. If you are bring coffee hunt me down, cause I need lots of it now. If you are trying to sell something, remember I’m a student with no money. And since I’m not answering my phone leave a message if it’s a life or death matter. PS if this is LA I love you.”
“Rory, babe, It’s mommy call me and we can do coffee, and then the coffee guy if we think he is good enough. But call when you have a minute, and baby I hope he calls soon.”
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Mom wasn’t very supportive but she tried. She wanted me to try and move on, but she also knew that it was hard to do when you were in love that much.
Thanksgiving came, and I thought of last year we ate at the dinner with you and Luke. And how special it all seemed. Christmas was next, and I bought you an original copy over Oliver Twist, and it’s sitting in my room waiting for you to open it. New Years I was hoping for my kiss, but I settled for watching the ball drop with my mom, and watching Gone with the Wind all night long. But I waited and Luke keeping looking at me with sad eyes. Lane understood, but was also was dealing with being left behind, so she was little help. Paris was dealing with…well she has changed in ways that I never expected.
School got harder with my second semester, and at times I did not know what way was up from down. I was a mess and I needed you. I physically needed you there to tell me I everything would be fine. That I was smart enough to get through it all, but you weren’t. And I had to fight my way through it all by myself.
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“But Rory if you are so worried about this exam maybe you should stay home and study.” Lane said while her and Rory walked into the Dorm room.
“I promised you I would go to your band practice and I will, I just need to grab a few books and check the machine.”
“Oh someone most love you, you got two messages.” Lane said with a laugh.
“Maybe.” Rory said hopefully with a sad smile.
“Hey this is Ommpa, (No I’m Ommpa ‘First message left today at 3:42 pm “Rory, Paris, call me when you get this message it is of great importance that I talk to you ASAP.”
“She doesn’t count.” Lane said.
‘Second message left today at 4:30 pm “..Click..”
“Guess not.” Lane said giving Rory a small smile. “He’ll call.”
“I know. Where are those books.”
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That click gave me shivers down my spin, I knew that it had been you. I missed your call by an hour, but I had hope. I hoped that since you called once that you would call again.
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“Paris, you look fine.” Rory was saying to Paris as they entered their room three days later.
“But I’m what should I do about my hair?”
“It looks fine down.”
“Rory you have been gone for two days, can’t you at least act like you are paying attention?”
“Whatever Paris.” Rory said while rolling her eyes and hitting the play back button on her answering machine.
“Hey this is Lommpa (No I’m Lommpa. Mommmm!!). Anyway, if it’s Friday night, I’m at my Grandparent’s house for dinner. And first thing Saturday, if it doesn’t rain, I’m going to New York City, and I’ll be gone all weekend long,but don’t worry unlike someone I know (Don’t look at me like that, I’m still the one the brought you into this world!), I will call you back when I get home Sunday afternoon. And P.S. if this is LA, I still love you.
“Why do you change that so often?”
“It makes mom happy to know what I’m doing.”
‘First message sent today at 4:30 pm “Hi it’s me, call me at 892-432-2343 when you get back.”’
“Who was that?” Paris said.
“Jess.” Rory said in shock as she sat down on her bed.
“He finally called, wow, I thought he was gone for sure.”
“No, he was always there.” Rory said with a smile on her face.
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I couldn’t believe that you called. Well I could but I was still shock I didn’t know what to really think. In truth I didn’t think for the next ten minutes. When Paris finally left to go on one of her mystery dates that I know all about, I was ready
to call you, to talk to you, to hear your voice.
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“Ring…Ring…Click”
“Hello, if you are calling to ask about my heart it is still yours. I should have listen to you more about everything. Cause if I did I would have realized that I should have stayed where I belong. And by the way, girl, this is not a machine you are
talking to, it is me, Jess, and I still love you.”
“Jess I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Rory.” Silence.
“How was New York, surviving without me?”
“Yes, but it was nice to get away from school for a few days.” The talked for over an hour about the main differences in their lives.
“Rory I’m sorry I left like I did. I was confused, and when Luke said he was kicking me out all I could think of was the one person I viewed as a parent and that actually cared for me was telling me to leave. I did not think beyond the moment, and when I saw you
on the bus, I tried telling you. Tried explaining, knowing that I could not just leave you after I finally had you, but the words would not come out.”
“I understand, I just wish that you would have called, sooner.”
“I wish I had the guts to face your disappointment in me sooner.”
“Jess I still love you.”
“And I still love you, that’s why I will be going home as soon as I can.”
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So now after a year without you, you are returning to me. And that voice in my head is screaming….”YOU LOVE HIM, HE LOVES YOU, YOU WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!”
I hope it is right. “I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!!!”
The End