The day that I lost my only child will be forever etched into my soul.  That day, I too, ceased to live.  I went through the motions, in complete shock, and due to the inability to care for myself properly I became severely ill.  I had just been witness to the birth of my precious grandson, and now that he was safely into the world, I let the doors shut.   I went into a period of severe depression, same as most grieving parents, and had it not been for the abominable strength of my wonderful husband, I would not be here today to share my story. 

He is forever my hero. 

After about six months, in desperation, to find an outlet for my grief, he bought me my first computer. Of course knowing nothing, I had to teach myself, and little by little, learned to wiggle my way around some, and the first thing I searched for was answers.  Answers to the feelings of incredible loss, the anguish, the emptiness, the pain, and the loss of all desire for the things I used to treasure.  Well I found answers but not the ones that I was searching for.  There are no answers to my questions, as I am still searching for them today, but in the process, I was linked with other parents going through the same trials as I, asking the same questions, and trying to learn to live with half a heart. Though I remained in a state of deep grief, the outreach of these people was astounding. I found true compassion and love from complete strangers, soon to become dear friends. Only someone who has experienced the loss of a child can possibly try to understand where you are.

These precious souls were indeed God’s outstretched hand.

I was beginning to feel the stirrings of expectation again, looking to see who had sent a word today, through a letter, or perhaps a beautiful card, and I was hooked. I started ever so slowly to reach out to others, as now it had been almost 9 months since Cory’s passing, and I was hoping that by reaching out to others, I too, could start on my journey to recovery. You never get "over "the loss of a child, you just learn to live through and around it. Grief and sorrow, become a part of your very essence, and in so doing, change you forever. When you are a parent that has lost a child, you think that you are going insane, you don’t understand why you do some of the things that you do, and you want to know when it is going to get better. You look for comfort and none is to be found. There is no comfort in the loss of a child, just a gaping hole, that screams to be filled, but there is sharing of your pain.   In this sharing is where the healing can begin. The burden no longer feels so heavy, you have someone helping to carry the weight, in just being able to write and express all these newfound fears and emotions.  You find that all the things that used to be so important in life now are just a memory, gone forever. Once you have lost your most precious treasure and gift from life, everyone and everything else pales in comparison.

You have to begin again…
and learn to love the person that you are becoming.

We all will find different outlets for our grief, but find one we must. Some do volunteer work, some start new legislations for the laws to change, some do Memorial Web Pages, me, I write poetry. It is my way of examining the depth of my own emotions, and my humble attempt to give back what was given to me. 

My poems are my living memorial  to my precious child, Cory, may his memory live forever in the hearts of those who love him.

If you have found your way to my site, then my work is being rewarded. You must be here, searching for comfort for yourselves, or that of others, and for that I ask God to bless you beyond measure. If you are a parent who still has your children, hopefully you will take away more compassion, and understanding, of us that no longer do, or simply realize that you still have life’s most precious gifts…your child/children. 

Go in peace