Empty Chest Coat

I feel like a burden,
You keep on your chest,
I feel like the next one,
No different from the rest,
I’m “something special”,
I know you insist,
But I feel like I’m-
The lowest on your list.

I’m what you settled for,
I’m what you don’t need,
I feel it in your voice,
You feel I can’t lead,
I wish I could tell you,
What you don’t want to hear,
I don’t need to be told,
What I already fear.

Don’t tell me I need to lead,
I know this and want to start,
But it’s things you all tell me,
I don’t have the heart,
Keep me in mind,
Do you remember the peace?
I feel so hollow,
I’m going to unleash—

All of my thoughts,
Yeah, the ones that feel hard,
No matter what I do,
I can’t drop my guard,
I worry so much,
My head never sleeps,
‘Cause I always critique,
How I look to you creeps.

Maybe it’s ‘cause I can’t love myself,
That I can’t feel all the love,
But that’s hard to see,
When I see you above,
Above me always,
Like I don’t feel enough,
Like I don’t meet your standards,
“I’m Mr. Big-Balls, social, tough”.

“Duh, I’m shallow and like it”
Yeah, that I can see,
You’re the perfect example,
Of what I’ll never be,
Something inside me,
I can’t ever explain,
That one word surrounds me,
--------------------Pain.

Something I’ve said to your face,
That I feel,
But you never listen,
“It’s too hard to be real.”

_____________
But it’s real

Real in my eyes,
Real in my throat,
Real in my chest,
An empty chest coat,
A shroud of nothing,
That’s a case you can’t cure,
And how can I fight it,
When it seems so pure?

When I ask for your smiles,
Do I ask for so much?
No ridicule for me,
What a nice little touch.