SMS Joke By Pranay
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
A scientist crossed a skunk with an owl. He's got a bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot.
Why are all the dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men will understand them.
Name ten animals from Africa. Nine elephants and a giraffe.
Two's company, three's a crowd but what is four and five? Nine.
Foolish man give wife grand piano...wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Crowded elevator smell differently to a midget.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happened to you?
Do step ladders have real parents?
How do you keep an idiot in suspense???
..........
...........
........huh!!!
Can I have a return ticket please. Certainly, where to? Back here, you fool.
The thief stole a calendar. He got 12 months.
Two nudists got divorced because they were seeing too much of each other.
How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him off the top of a cliff.
Mandir mein jaap karta hoon,
Masjid mein adaab karta hoon,
Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon.
TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!
Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai, birdy gaana ga rahe hain,
Cow log grass eat rahe hain,
shaane log SMS kar rahe hain
aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahe hain
Phulon se khoobsurat koi nahi.
Sagar se gahara koi nahi.
Aab aapki kya tarif karu...
Dost me aap jaisa...
Nalayak koi nahi!
Kiss is not like Nokia...Connecting People
Kiss is not like Nike..Just Do It.
Kiss is not like Pepsi..Yeh Dil Maange More
But Kiss is like Pan Parag..Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga
A Friendship is Sweet when its NEW
Its Sweeter when its TRUE
But Its Sweetest when the friend is like U.
Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai,
gamm ke saagar me is kadar kho gayi hai,
tum kar do ek SMS yeh gujarish hai meri,
tumari SMS ki adat si ho gayi hai.
SMS Jokes
News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another
playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting
further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog,
busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel
you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead.
They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an
idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change
gears...
There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning
she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and
says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time
of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
Are You Single?
sms joke
(21 - 40)
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive
this thing?"
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your
action.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fcuked the miners, the other fcuked the Majors
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming
just a little too high.
I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and
didn't come back for a day and a half.
What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags - great to play on your mobile phone sms friends
:)
Funny SMS
What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.
A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The
bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born
is chinese.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
Q: How did the polak burn his face?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: What's difference between Yoghurt and Australia?
A: One has a real live culture.
Q: Whats diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag? Ones white, made outta
plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.
A: A visitor.
Free Super Sexy Desktop SpaceBabe
sms quotes
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't
looking good either.
It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
My Reality Check bounced.
Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your
computer.
Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!
I have the body of a god Buddha
The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat
Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.
Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags - great to play on your dumb cellphone friends :)
Funny sms jokes
What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the
parachute packing plant
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and
suffering
How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have
preferred.
If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
Why did God create Whiskey? To keep the Irish from ruling the world!!
If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
Confucious advices you Never eat yellow snow.
Confucious say Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock.
Confucious say Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the whole woman
have more.
Q: How many Chinamen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Thousands, because Confucious say many hands make light work.
Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs
spend their lives.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.
Sardar Jokes
Q: What do you call a Sikh who drinks only beer?
A: JUSBEER SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh guy who has only one drink
A: Jaswant (JUST-ONE) SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh scuba diver?
A: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Q: What do you call a better adapted Sikh diver?
A: JULL-UNDER SINGH GILL.
Q: What do you call a bald Sikh guy ?
A: BALD-EV SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh boyfriend?
A: HER PAL SINGH.
Q: Who is he who has many publications to his credit?
A: JOURNAL SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh guy running towards the enemy camp with a white
flag in his hand?
A: SURRENDER SINGH.
Q: What do you call a Sikh standing on one leg?
A: BALAN SINGH
Q: What do you call a Sikh enjoying a walk in the park?
A: RELAX SINGH
Q: What do you call Singh who drinks too much?
A: Bho pinda Singh
Q: One haired Singh?
A: Iqbal Singh
Q: Electrical Engineer
A: Tara Singh
Q: ..and his brother
A: Cable Singh
Q: The famous Olympic lady runner
A: Tej Kaur
Q: What do you call a Sikh at the bar?
A: Bar-Tinder!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMPLOYMENT..
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to
be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CROCODILE BOOTS..
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of
crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears.
Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch
him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and
angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk,
"What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
The sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
The sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees
him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this
time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a
few days before he again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TO LOSE WEIGHT..
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days,
he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor
to report he had
lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the
doctor."I'm 2400 kms from home."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once a Sardarji was traveling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the
guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the
station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees,
the sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the
barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home.
Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw
the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has
taken
my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh.
Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the
Earth now is a Chinese."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The
ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (its the barking sound)
"Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof!
Woof!"
"Sardarji!"
"Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when
someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared.
Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a
ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street
and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and
I'll go get a ladder." The
Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you
wait and i'll go get a ladder."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what
had happened to his ears and he answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the
phone I
accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your
other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
Santa got a part time job at the Chandigarh Post Office. The first assignment
his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.
Santa separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.
Extremely pleased by this, the supervisor approached Santa at the end of his
first day.
"I just want you to know," the supervisor said, "that I'm very pleased with the
job you did today. You're one of the fastest workers we've ever had."
"Thank you, Sir" said Santa, beaming, "and tomorrow I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do any
better than you did today?"
Santa replied, "Tomorrow I'm going to read the addresses."
