Alright. You admit it. You're a virgin to David Bowie's music. And you think it's about time you started listening to some! But where do you start? Where do you begin? He has so many different albums, and you really want to get into the guy. Well, have no fear! Just follow my easy, step by step guide to obsession with the man and his music.
Step 1 Go out to your local music store and buy a new copy of David Bowie's The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. (Make sure it's not the Ziggy Stardust Motion Picture Soundtrack. Yessir, you're right, that's the stupid mistake I made.) Wonderful. Why this album of Bowie's, you say? Well, it's probably one of his more accesible albums with some of his most beautiful and heartfelt songs. Not to mention that his Ziggy Stardust character is Bowie's most immortalized and well known persona. It's a very good place to start. And the whole album has a magical aura around it. Aren't you already starting to feel shivers?
Step 2 Take the CD home with you. Unwrap it, but don't listen to it just yet. Instead take a look through the booklet inside. Read through the lyrics a bit. Remember, this is the story of Ziggy, his coming to earth, his rise to rock n' roll superstardom, and his eventual death. Take a look at the pictures too. Ziggy's a cute little bugger, isn't he? Notice how his crotch seems to be fighting out of his pants in every picture. Take a good long look at he infamous Mick Rock photo of Bowie performing fellatio on his guitarist's guitar. (Also take note that Bowie's guitarist at the time, Mick Ronson, was also quite the God. Ronno!!!! Hellyeah, rock on!)
Step 3 Go to bed a bit earlier than normal tonight. Put in the CD, lie there in the dark, and listen to it from beginning to end. Let it's magic carry you away to the dark, glittery British underground of thirty years ago! Fall asleep layin' on 'lectric dreams.
Step 4 Alright. So you've finally listened to Bowie. But the adventure's just begun. The next day ask yourself if you liked The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. Did you find yourself feeling mad love for the Bowie? Do you want more of him? Did you just totally hate it? (If so, you suck!) If you answered "Yes" to the first two questions that means it's time to go onto the next step.
Step 5 Go out and buy the two disc version of the Best of Bowie CD. The blue one, with the kinda funny picture of his face on the front. Yeahh. This is a selection of his songs basically covering his entire career, well his entire career up to 2002 anyway. Nothing from Reality's on it, which is a shame, I think they should reissue it with New Killer Star. Take the CD home with you. Open it up, take a look through the booklet. Wow, he really looks different than Ziggy in some of the pictures, doesn't he? Become mesmerized by his eyes! Take a look at all his album covers! Aren't they fab? This time you can listen to the CD right away. Put in the first disc, which contains his old classics. Skip around the songs. Some of them will take your breath away, "Life On Mars", "The Man Who Sold The World", but some of them will sound a bit shocking. Because Bowie totally changed his style in the mid seventies! And he changes it again, and again, and again. That's why they call him the "Chameleon of Rock". Hey, you're learning lots about him now, aren't ya? Now, put in the second disc. This one will sound even more shocking, but it's my favorite part of the compilation. Bowie goes from classic rock and disco/soul, to pure 80s pop, grunge, and jungle techno! And it's all utterly wonderful. Listen to it all. Soak it all in.
Step 6 Now it's time for the movie! Go out and rent, or buy a copy, of the movie Labyrinth. This movie is a cherished cult classic, with Jennifer Connelly's first big onscreen role. (She's only sixteen!) This is also the David Bowie movie to watch, he plays the evil and sexy, albeit disturbing and creepy, Goblin King Jareth. (Bowie made the movie infamous with his incredibly tight pants.) David also wrote and performed some great songs for the movie. Watch it, have fun!
Step 7 Okay. You've followed the guide. How do you feel about David Bowie? Do you just totally want more of this man? If so, I welcome you wacky world of Bowie Obsession. Congrats. Right now would be a good time to think about selling your house.
