In the movies,

* All monitors and hand-held devices display 2 inch high letters whenever you need to see what the operator is typing.

* High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.

* Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

* Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

* Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors, explosions may result.

* People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. However, the files are found fully intact upon returning.

* Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

* Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

* No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

* The more high-tech the equipment, the more unlabeled buttons it has.

* Laptops always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities (through their built-in satellite uplink) and the performance of a CRAY-T3E.

* Computers NEVER crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans NEVER make mistakes while operating computers under stress.

* Any photograph can have minute details digitally pulled out of it; you can zoom into any picture as far as you want to.

Email: buggs_cds@adamswells.com