"I could just feel the love in that room! It wasn't like at church on Sundays. Everyone was smiling and friendly. As soon as I came in, this young man came to ask me if I was new. Then he introduced me to some people and helped me find a good seat.
"When we started praying, it was as though people really meant what they were saying. Their singing was full of joy, and they prayed as though God was right there. They trusted in God - simply and completely.
"The speaker was really powerful. He spoke right to my heart; he didn't drone on. He read the Bible as though it was alive, as though it means something. It wasn't at all a 'head trip'. Afterwards I felt as though I was really fed! This group's meetings are so much better than church."
What is described here could be a charismatic prayer meeting or a Medjugorje conference. Or it could be a ser-vice in a fundamentalist, evangelical church. Or it could be a meeting of a cult, like the Moonies or The Way. In some ways, it is even like a Tupperware or Amway sales meet-ing. Instead of the coldness of a parish where people don't speak to each other, members are warm and welcoming. Instead of dead ritual, the meeting is alive and sponta-neous. Instead of boredom, the newcomer feels refreshed and renewed - 'fed'. Here, it seems, is a Christian group built on love, love so real you can feel it. All you need to do is jump into it.
This could lead to the Blind Lover's Leap (B.L.L.). The sad fact is that many Catholics do leave the Church because they have found a false promise in a church or cult or community that offers a new and welcome experience of love. What new-comers don't see is the rough underside of these groups and churches. This doesn't mean that every happy, warm, and welcoming group is dangerous. Most are not, and we badly need warmth and friendship in church groups. But the "love so thick you can feel it" can be false. This chapter will point out how to recognize this false love.
In his book, Churches that Abuse, Protestant sociolo-gist Ronald Enroth shows how even with lively, faith-filled worship, powerful biblical preaching, and love so thick you can feel it, a church can crush the hope and dry up the faith of its members. The 'only' requirement that members love and trust each other, can actually be used to create a new form of legalism. The reason is that this love is loaded with hidden conditions and loyalty tests.
The worst examples of the B.L.L. trap are in cults and mind-manipulating re-ligious groups. Young people voluntar-ily leave home and family, the Church, college, their friends, and their future plans to join groups promising a new experience of God and a chance to change the world in love. When we look at the beliefs of these groups, we often find it hard to believe that anyone would fall for them. (For instance, Rev. Sun Myung Moon claims to be the Messiah, back to finish the job that Jesus was unable to finish.) But people don't fall for the beliefs; they are won by love - by the abundant, apparently uncondi-tional acceptance and friendship that the group offers. Here is a love so real and so powerful - they come to think - it must be from God.
The other side of the B.L.L. is the invitation to and pressure for total commit-ment. The human heart is made for love. In their natural generosity, young people are eager to love and often hungry for heroism. If invited, they will often give everything for God. And so when they ask, "What do I have to do?", the answer is often very sim-ple: "Just join us and give it all to God."
These facts present a lesson and a challenge. The Catholic Church enjoys a rich heritage of symbolism in music, art, and liturgy. It is ironic and disturbing that members of this Church leave it to find life and nourishment in simple, "Bible" churches or home-based communities. In the Catholic Church above all, young people should be able to experience the mystery, the beauty, the holiness, and the reality of God. For more than three-hundred years the Catholic Church has stood firm against rationalism; Catholics know that God can work miracles. Yet many Catholics today leave the Church, looking for God's miraculous power. From its earliest days, the Church has offered young people the challenge to "be perfect" by abandoning everything for God and vowing poverty, chastity, and obedi-ence for Christ's sake. What youthful hearts are yearning for is there. But they cannot see it. Except for the likes of Mother Teresa, few are showing them where to find it.
Jeanette had never met anyone like Rob. He was tall and nice-looking, but that was not important. Rob was spe-cial, because he made Jeanette feel special. Unlike her last boyfriend, who took her for granted, Rob constantly surprised her with his attention and generosity. Tuesday a rose in her mailbox ... Friday a poem on her answering machine ... a balloon bouquet on the 2½-week "anniversary" of their first date. She began to think he might be "the one".
However, just as she considered a life with him, some things about Rob started to bother her. They had not yet talked about marriage, but he was getting possessive. A couple of times when she could not go out, Rob acted hurt and made Jeanette feel guilty. More and more, he seemed to count on her wholehearted devotion. He acted irritated that she spent an hour a day on the viola: "You can't make that thing your whole life!" He talked about how devastated he would be ever to lose her. She was flattered at this, but also disturbed. On the other hand, he really was totally devoted to her, calling and sending little gifts, making her special. More and more Jeanette felt herself indebted to Rob.
Eventually Jeanette had a long talk with herself. She did not want to marry Rob. So, regardless of how he might fell or react, she had to break off their special relationship. Rob reaction astonished her. After a display of hurt (which she had expected), he grew suddenly cold - almost cruel. She could sense him seething beneath the sur-face as he told her how ungrateful she was, how he had thought she was "different than other girls", how he had thought he meant something to her, "but obviously you were stringing me on". Although she was knotted up inside and ready to cry, Jeanette held firm.
Jeanette was smart. Those who work with battered women would recognize in Rob the classic warning signs of a controller and abuser. He is charming and deft at "love-bombing", pouring on attention and gifts and asking for nothing but gratitude in return. On the other hand, his need for affirmation becomes a controlling demand for loy-alty and exclusivity. He would allow nothing to rival his place in her life - not another man, not her family, not her studies, not even her viola. In fact, many women experience abusive relationships as a series of loyalty tests - and they never score higher than a C-minus!
Exactly the same pattern is repeated in cults and abusive religious groups. The new recruit attends a meeting out of curiosity and there he is showered with attention and warmth. The newcomer finds the group's love-bombing as gratifying as Jeanette found the candy and flowers. "Here are people who are happy to see me," he thinks. But gradu-ally that same possessiveness creeps in. He can't some to the Sunday night meet-ing, because it's bridge night in the dorm. A friend in the group gives a half-jesting pout and - with a touch of a whine - asks, "Don't you like us any more?" A more senior member may also remind him that God is more important than a card game. Very quickly the unconditional love brings in the loyalty tests: "We have been so open with you. Can't you give us something, just this once?"
Manipulative religious groups commonly and deliber-ately practice "love bomb-ing" to attract new members. This is not unconditional love. Even emotional lunches are not free. Sooner or later the group will call in the debt of gratitude they created with all that love and attention. Most of us are naive about the wiles of people in religion. If the man wants to sell aluminum siding or a used car, we take his charm and friendliness with a grain of salt. We know he's selling something. In the same way we need a healthy distrust of religious sales people. The fact is, groups do practice "love bombing", and they look very sin-cere when they do. Many will even use the natural attrac-tion between the sexes to attract new members. It is no accident that the pretty blond greets you, cocks her head to one side, and lays her hand softly on your arm for a moment. Some groups have even discovered the technique of "flirty fishing", winning male souls for Christ by a wriggle of the hips and the promise of more. "Love bombing" is real.
The B.L.L. trap also relies on the tribal sentiment buried within our psyches. The need to belong is real, and each of us has it. To be really lonely - without friends, family, a place to fit in - is a crushing burden. For example, this is the hardest part of a widow's life alone. Not only has she lost her husband, but with his death many of her social connections are ended too. She may eventually become almost completely iso-lated in a life of bitter loneliness. Each of us needs to belong. It is not normal to live dis-connected from others.
In tribal cultures the life of the tribe or village is tightly knit. Every person has a place. The village has its leaders, heroes, art, and celebrations. The individual relies on the village and the village relies on individuals. Tribal life is truly a matter of "all for one and one for all". We Americans don't live like this. Very few of us live in the same place our whole lives. The typical Ameri-can lives much more autonomously and independ-ently than any tribal villager ever could imagine.
In a very real way, however, we are still made for tribal life. We no longer have tribes - but we create tribal ways. Why is it so important that South Side beat Central High in basketball? Students dress up; some paint their faces. They chant ritual cheers and sing ritual songs. They deliberately work themselves up to build enthu-siasm. It is tribal. Why do so many people care so deeply about Notre Dame football or Chicago Bulls basketball? Why do short, middle-aged men identify with an athletic team whose fortunes they can't possibly affect? Each of us has an inner impulse or tendency to belong to some "us". And if I am one of "us", then I am also against "them".
These same tribal sentiments are at work in religion. Shared religious experi-ence - songs, ceremonies, group pro-jects - create a sense of belonging and solidarity. Music, whether solemn Gregorian chant in the monastery or the fre-netic dancing in the Spirit of an old-time Pentecostal church, binds people together. How we sing is how we wor-ship God. By strengthening these tribal experiences a group can strengthen its hold on its members.
In her book Ungodly Rage*, Donna Steichen tells how hundreds of Catholic nuns have been won away from their fundamental Christian beliefs by means of tribal chants, dances, and ceremonies. They attend a retreat or conference on women's con-cerns in the Church, and the speakers begin to speak about re-imaging God and the Church to reflect women's perspectives. An undercurrent of distrust for the Church's structures and hierarchy is created by the speakers' criticism of the Church’s ‘patriarchalism’ and insensitivity toward women. Fundamental Christian beliefs, in-cluding the Fatherhood of God, the uniqueness and divinity of Christ, the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and of course the male character of the priesthood, are all rejected. By the end of the meeting, most of the nuns are converted to a new pagan kind of faith. Why?
The secret is the use of tribal ceremonies. Were the retreat talks the only factor, perhaps many of these nuns would question and reject the ideas they hear. However, those who give these retreats espouse a distinctively "feminine" religion - the religion of Wicca, the goddess within. In other words, they preach a form of pagan religion and witchcraft. And to lead these nuns into this religion, they use Wiccan ceremonies - spiral dancing, chants, trance-inducing movements, and expressions of rage. These ceremonies foster a new oneness among the retreatants with the Wiccan leaders. They may be the most powerful religious experiences many of these nuns have had in a long time. As a result, nuns who would never have considered denying their relationship with God in Christ leave the retreat as believers in the earth goddess in every woman. They belong to a new tribe.
One of the most destructive ways a group can foster tribal ties (and this is one of the tell-tale signs a group is manipulative) is to foster an "us vs. them" mentality. Be-cause religion is deeply concerned with absolute - good vs. evil, light vs. darkness, Christ vs. Satan, the Kingdom of God vs. the world - religious manipulators can easily promote this mentality. Even though Christ himself compared the Church with a dragnet that catches all fish, both good and bad (Mt. 13:47-50), many Christian groups see themselves as the righ-teous few, the holy remnant surrounded by the children of darkness - the holy "us" in the midst of the wicked "them". This can take different forms:
· the apostolic, Bible-based church living out authentic New Testament Christianity, surrounded by worldly institutional churches whose apostasy traces back to 330 AD;
· the Spirit-filled renewal community whose role is to save a Christian church that no longer praises God or trusts his power;
· the children of Mary, who pray the Rosary and love the Pope, whose author-ity in the Church is under-mined daily by Masonic traitors.
The trap in the B.L.L. is a love that is separated from truth. The love-bombing and tribal sentiments create strong personal loyalties - loyalties that are the touch-stone of unity for the group. And just here is the rub: Personal loyalties take the place of truth. The cult or manipulative group discourages thinking about the faith and how it is lived out. Raising questions about the truth - especially concerning teachings by the leaders and group policies - is "divisive" and "mistrustful". "The Lord wants your commitment," they will say. "You need to stop strad-dling the fence and jump in with both feet." Precisely here is the Blind Lover's Leap. Having experienced such great love, the new member has almost a duty not to think and debate within his heart. He is expected simply to "give it all" and trust his brothers and sisters to care for him. One leader in a renewal community put this especially well. Speaking to a retreat for the women in her group, she said, "I don't need to worry about following Jesus. All I have to do is keep my eyes on my pastoral leader and do what he says. I know that he is following Jesus. If I do what he says, then I am in the right place."
Manipulative leaders often treat questions as a kind of smoke-screen. Nastasha was meeting regularly with a "handmaid" in her covenant community to resolve some diffi-culties she had. She had serious questions about fitting in and living the community's life fully. At one point the handmaid gave her this advice: Whenever anyone - especially her husband - would accuse her of doing something wrong, Nastasha should humbly take the blame, even if she was inno-cent. Nastasha couldn't accept this and talked with her husband about it. Believing that such advice was very unsound, he took the issue to a leader of the group. Clearly such teaching was false and unwise. The leader's advise startled him. "You need pastoral wisdom," he told the husband. "Nastasha is resisting God's will for her life, and that is why she keeps asking these theoretical questions. She doesn't want to face the fact that she must change and submit to the community order. You need to see through her smoke-screen to the real issue.
That's the only way you can help her do what God wants." This leader believed that instead of saying what was really on her mind, Nastasha was raising irrelevant questions. The leaders had enough truth for her and everyone else. The only possible reason someone could have for thinking is to get out of obeying God's will.
It is not popular any more to talk about dogma. For many of us, the word 'dogma" suggests rigidity and intoler-ance. Aren't dogmas what divide Christians into different denominations? If we really love Christ, won't we worry less about dogma and more about love? The truth is that there is no conflict between dogma and love. In fact, dogma is simply the Greek word for "belief". What we call dogmas are simply truths that the Church believes. They are truths God has revealed. The reason we have dogmas is that the Church insists that some things are true about God and oth-ers are false. God wants us to know the truth about him, so that we can know and love him better.
(Of course, there are - and probably always will be - 'dogma police', ready to pounce on every apparent doctrinal deviation. The Marian Medjugorje movement has see a remark-able amount of this activity in recent years. Certain writ-ers and leaders of apostolates feel obliged to scour the writ-ings and teachings of others to find "demonic" teachings, rebellions against the hierarchy, and New Age influences. It quickly becomes clear that the real purpose is not to uncover the truth, but to find something to con-demn.)
The question of truth cuts directly to our dignity as human beings. Being cre-ated in God's image means that we have the power to know the truth and love what is good. Because of these powers we can freely choose what is truly good. These powers are the basis of our freedom.
Imagine a cattle drive crossing the west Texas desert. Plodding across the dusty terrain in the merciless, blazing sun, men and animals feel themselves drying out from the inside. The sun burns their skin, and their thirst screams for relief. Water becomes the world’s greatest gift. Cresting the hill, the cowboys see a pond ahead. The cows pick up the smell and begin to trot. Water! The cowboys spur their horses on - but not to get the first drink. Instead, they force themselves into frenetic activity to turn the herd aside. Why? Because the cowboys have knowledge. They know what the animals cannot see or smell - that the water is alkaline and will kill any animal that drinks it. This knowl-edge sets the cowboys free to ignore their thirst and turn away from the water. The cattle don’t have this freedom.
Because we can know, we are not slaves to our passions and the other things that influence us. I might need a car. The sporty yellow one might be beautiful and the salesman convincing. Still, I can ask, "Is it good for me?" Jesus himself connected truth and freedom: "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (Jn. 8:32) If we know Jesus, then we know God. The prophet Jeremiah promised a new covenant:
I will place my law within them, and write it upon their hearts; I will be their God, and they shall be my people. No longer will they need to teach their friends and kinsmen how to know the LORD. All, from the least to the greatest, shall know me, says the LORD, for I will forgive their evil-doing and remember their sin no more. (Jer. 31: 33-34)
We are free because each of us baptized into Christ knows the Lord himself. By giving us the gift of himself through the power of the Holy Spirit, God has written his law upon our hearts, just as Jeremiah promised. Because each of us knows Jesus, each of us has the truth. Of course, we still need to know truths about Christ and his Church; this is why we have catechesis, religious education, and theology. Nev-ertheless, God has given each us direct access to him in Jesus. He wants each of us to know him and has revealed the truth publicly so that we can know him. As a Christian, you know the truth.
In practical terms, this means that we can safely apply St. Augustine's maxim, "Love God and do what you will." There is no need to be afraid that my gift to him will be wrong. I am not approaching an intimidating boss, whose quirks I need someone to tell me about. When I decide to do some particular thing for the love of Christ, I am not just guessing. I know him personally. My judgment is the best there is concerning what I should do. Mother Teresa did "something beautiful for God" by serving the poorest of the poor in the Calcutta slums. I can do something just as beautiful for God by caring for my family and bringing Christ's love to my own neighborhood. The point is: Our knowl-edge of Christ sets each of us free.
It is not only the great eternal truths of Revelation that set us free. All truths are important - even unimpor-tant truths. One of the clearest "give-aways" of a reli-gious manipulator is that he cuts his followers off from the truth - any truth. On his day off, Jon - a Catholic cult member - attended a baseball game in Cleveland. The next day, at the community's "Lord's Day" dinner, one of the "elders" commented "what a shame it is that the Indians lost such a close one yesterday, by only 4-2." Jon joined in: "Yeah, I was there - a real heartbreaker. In fact, it was actually closer - 3-2 at the end." Imme-diately silence fell over the table as the elder put down his fork and glared at Jon. By showing off his knowledge, Jon had ‘dishonored’ the head whom the Lord had estab-lished. The elder corrected and humbled him in front of everyone. Now in themselves, baseball scores are not that impor-tant. But Jon's dignity is important. And where does that dignity come from? The elder would say that
Jon has dignity only as a member of the group. By violating the group's order, he had forfeited that dignity. But Jon was a witness to the truth - about a ball game, to be sure, but it was the truth. The elder was saying, in effect, that Jon had no right to that truth, that his status as a witness to any truth - even the smallest - is worthless. If this is the case with a ball game, then what right did Jon have to claim to know Jesus?
The Church insists that we know the truth. This is why she encourages us to read the Bible. This is why for almost 1,000 years she has supported education. This is why the documents of the Second Vatican Council and recent papal encyclicals are addressed to everyone in the Church.
The B.L.L. is a trap, because personal loyalties and group loyalty are used to cut off truth. We see a consis-tent pattern in manipulative groups. Bob, the newcomer, asks a question about some belief or practice. The speaker promises that a leader will cover that in his talk next weekend "Just be patient". Comes the next weekend and Bob's question wasn't really answered. The leader did say something about a similar subject, but it wasn't Bob's ques-tion. So Bob takes the question back to his small group leader. Then he learns that he is in the wrong: "I'm surprised you're asking this again. Didn't you listen during Brother Paul's teaching? He seemed to deal with it pretty directly, in my view." "Well, not exactly," Bob responds. "What I wanted to know was ..." "Look, Bob, we're really impressed that you want to know our teachings and how we live - really we are. But we're not going to get anywhere if you get into this nit-picking whenever you don't understand something. It seemed pretty clear to everyone else there. I almost think you don't trust me - or is it maybe Paul you don't like? You have to trust us more. .... Or maybe our life isn't right for you."
Bob has learned three things here. 1) No one else has these questions; the problem must be with him. 2) He is hurting the people who have been so open with him; he is not being very nice. And 3) he is closing himself off to some-thing really good; he just might not be ready for this warm and wonderful group. Bob is intimidated. The leader's pressure forces him to abandon his concern for truth. Oth-erwise he loses his friends.
Finally, a contempt for thinking - and this means contempt for theology, philosophy, psychology, and the other human sciences - puts the system of love beyond criticism. As a result, what had started off as warmth and love ends up as a trap of stifling confusion and paralyzing guilt. If critical thinking is something "negative", then the enemy of all your loyalties and friendships is in your own mind. The loyal member must distrust his own thoughts. And so it is that he is cut off from truth. Eventually finding himself made confused and suspicious by things he sees and suspects, the mem-ber has no way to set himself free. The instant love "so real you can feel it" has turned out to be a trap.
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