Even though this page may not have much to do with the Young Riders...I hope this is a page you can turn to to have your spirits lifted. So if you have anything at all that might brighten someones day...send it in! This could be anywhere from stories, to jokes, or something stupid that you did...I personally have much to tell.
I don't want to be the only one to share however...so please participate!
It seems that lately I have been coming home in a bad mood, and as some may have heard behavior breeds behavior. In other words if your in a bad mood, chances are the people who are around you will be too.
GHOST POOPIE- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie.
CLEAN POOPIE- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
WET POOPIE- The kind where you wipe your butt 30 times and it feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin your pants with a stain.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE- It happens when you'r done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POOPIE- The kind where you strain so much to get it out you practically have a stroke.
RICHARD SIMMONS POOPIE- You poopie so much you lose 39 pounds
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE- The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
GASSY POOPIE- It is so noisy every one within earshot is giggling.
DRINKER POOPIE- The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread marks on the bottom of the toilet.
CORN POOPIE- Self explanatory.
GEE, I WISH I COULD POOPIE, POOPIE- The kind where you want to poopie, but all you do is sit on the toilet cramped and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE- Its where it hurts so bad coming out, you swear it was leaving sideways.
WET CHEEKS POOPIE(POWER DUMP)- The kind that comes out of your butt so fast you cheeks get splashed with water.
LIQUID POOPIE- The kind where yellowish brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
MEXICAN FOOD POOPIE- It smells so bad that the room mus be condemned.
UPPERCLASS POOPIE- The kind that thinks their poopie doesn't smell.
FISHERMAN'S BOBBER POOPIE- That's the kind where you are in a public restroom, there are two people waiting on your stall, you poopie, flush two times, but several golf ball size pieces are still floating above the water line.
Yes this was submitted by Shannon (Cynthia) and my point of view of this is...when your job entitles you to give enemas from time to time you have to have a sense of humor about the whole situation! Things like these help "relieve the tention" so to speak. LOL!!!
Please write and tell Danni or myself what you think about this page!
I don't know about eveyone else, but it seems to me that life doesn't always make sense ! (infact it rarely ever does for me !!). So here a some little "life rules" I like to think are true, in order to make a little sense out of day to day happenings. Even if they don't help you out, i hope they bring a smile to your face !
~ Friends are flowers that never fade
~ Everything happens for a reason
~ Trouble shared is trouble halved
~ Live life to the fullest !
We would love to hear from you all too ! Please share with us your own "life rules". I'm sure the list will get a lot longer in the days to come !
Since meeting each other on the internet, Shannon and I have become good friends, although at times we find it a little hard to understand each other ! By this i mean, since we live in different countries, Shannon in the USA and myself in Australia, we have different meanings and words for some of life's everyday essentials ! okay maybe they're not all essentials !!
USA ~ ~ Australia
cookie ~ ~ biscuit
ketchup ~ ~ tomato sauce
buscuit ~ ~ scone
trash can ~ ~ rubbish bin
fries ~ ~ chips
faucet ~ ~ tap
drugstore ~ ~ chemist
sweat suit ~ ~ track suit
candy ~ ~ lollies
jelly ~ ~ jam
pick up truck ~ ~ ute
root (referring to barracking or supporting)~ ~ root meaning the "f" word
swimsuit ~ ~ togs (NZ), bathers (Aust)
jersey ~ ~ jumper(NZ)
soda ~ ~ soft drink, fizzy drink(NZ)
pavement, sidewalk ~ ~ footpath(NZ)
crosswalk ~ ~ pedestrian crossing(NZ)
paramedics ~ ~ ambulance(NZ)
vacation ~ ~ holidays(NZ)
7 up ~ ~ lemonade(NZ) (I found out the hard way not to ask for gin and
lemonade in US - yuk!)
trailers ~ ~ caravans (not sure if they are the same)(NZ)
stick shift~ ~ gear stick(NZ)
period ~ ~ fullstop(NZ)
fall ~ ~ autumn(NZ)
high school ~ ~ college(NZ)
college ~ ~ university(NZ)
grade school ~ ~ primary(NZ)
kindergarten ~ ~ New Entrants(NZ)
preschool ~ ~ Kindergarten(NZ)
Takeout ~ ~ Takeaway
Cell phone ~ ~ mobile
Cab ~ ~ Taxi
Well that's all I can think of right now. I know there are many more, but hey, it's early, and my mind is still asleep ! LOL If you can think of some, please let us know !!
The following was submitted by Jessica Abernethy! Thanks alot Jessica, we truly appreciate it!! :o )
1) Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be the things that never
crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some
idle tuesday. 2) Do one thing everyday that scares you.
3) Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
4) Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
5) Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
6) Accept inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will
philander. You, too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize
that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble, and children respected their elders.
7) Dance, even if you have no where else to do it but in your living room.
8) Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
9) Remember the compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
10) Don't waste time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Now for some poetry, submitted by the one and only Kirsten Page !!
And how do people tolerate pink lemonade ?
(When I drink it, my skin fades)
Do you know anything about those chocolate covered cherries ?
(Last time I ate one I started seeing fairies)
Oh and please refrain from eating peanut butter !
(But if you must, just make sure it doesn't go down the drain, coz it clogs up the gutter)
It's not that I hate food, in fact I love it indeed !
(Just as long as it doesn't come from a seed)
I wont say too much more, because I'm sure this is turning out to be a bore ! Just remember what I said
(Oh, I almost forgot, don't touch bread !. You know the story of the dicovery of penicillin ? They left out one little detail, my cousin Dillon was the first to test it's bodily effects after eating that bread with all the moldy defects)
Through the best and worst
You were always there.
I just wish I knew how
To tell you that I care.
For you, my friend, mean the world to me
And no matter how far apart we live
I feel the need to say to you
Thank you for this gift you give.
Thanks for the poems Kirst !
Now for some words of wisdom from Yvonne !
I can only please one person a day.
Today is not your day.
Tommorrow doesn't look good either.
1. Buck, Jimmy, Kid, Cody, Sam, Ike, Noah!
2. We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.
3. We can use cosmetics should we wake up looking like something the cat dragged in.
4. We got off the Titanic first.
5. The real beauty of e-mail is obvious to us - a further dimension to our social lives.
6. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
7. Our boyfriends' clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - they look like complete dicks in ours.
8. We have total control over our eyebrows.
9. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
10. Its cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
11. We look good in the second hand gear, and therefore save money by going to the salvation army. When men do the same thing they look like they're wearing clothes somebody died in, which they are.
12. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
13. The thrill of surprising people by being good at cricket... and pool ..... and football.
14. We're allowed to be angry with men when they leave the toilet seat up. They however, have no comeback when we leave it down.
15. We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers.........men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
17. Taxis stop for us.
18. We get drunk quicker and cheaper.
19. We can pretend to be pregnant and get lots of attention on buses..... or we can be pregnant and get lots of attention everywhere
20. We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
21. It does not enhance our social standing to understand the inner workings of a 'ruck' (or any other footy thing). But we look INCREDIBLY cool if we do.
22. We have nothing to lose by losing to a guy.....they have everything to lose. 23. Chick Flicks
24. Soap Operas
25. We never recognise ourselves in aspects of Mr Bean. Ever.
26. Some how we just know about horoscopes.
27. We can wear pink.
28. And throw underarm in Baseball.
29. And sit cross legged.
30. Brad Pitt
The following diet advice was submitted by Jacqui. It is certainly the best diet we have ever heard of !!!! LOL
This diet was given to the staff as a memo, and a copy is posted on our fridge at work so visitors to the staffroom can understand why the biscuits are always broken.
This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
Breakfast : 1 grapefruit
1 slice unbuttered wholemeal toast
Large glass of skim milk
Lunch : 1 cup cooked legumes
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 cameo creamed biscuit
Afternoon tea : rest of Cameo Creams in packet
2 litres Hokey Pokey ice cream with nuts, cherries, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce.
Dinner : 2 loaves garlic bread with cheeseGiant Mexican or Hawaiian Pizza
4 cans or jug beer/ bottle of wine/ 6 Gin and tonics
3 Moro or Mars bars
9 o'clock news : Entire frozen desert eaten directly from freezer
1. If you eat and no one else sees you, it has no calories.
2. If you drink diet coke/lemonade with a chocolate bar, the calories in the chocolate bar are cancelled out by the diet drink.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes have no calories, eg hot chocolate, randy, toast and ice cream.
5. Movie related foods have no calories as they are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel, eg Jaffas, choc dipped ice cream, marshmellows and potato chips.
6. Broken biscuits have no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
7. Things licked from knives and spoons have no calories if you are in hte process of making something, eg peanut butter from a knife when making a sandwich, icecream from a spoon when making a sundae.
8. Foods that are the same colour have the same calories, eg mushrooms and white chocolate, spinach and kiwi fruit ice cream. NOTE : chocolate is a universal food colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.
Kids instructions on life !!
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Patrick, Age 10
When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents.
Matthew, Age 12
Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching.
Andrew, Age 9
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls.
Rocky, Age 9
Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning.
Stephanie, Age 8
Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Rosemary, Age 7
Don't flush the toilet when your dad's in the shower.
Lamar, Age 10
Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your
parents are doing taxes.
>Carrol, Age 9
Never bug a pregnant mom.
Nicholas, Age 11
Don't ever be too full for dessert.
Kelly, Age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer
him.
Heather, Age 16
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Michael, Age 14
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
Joel, Age 12
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's
on
the phone.
Alyssa, Age 13
Never try to baptize a cat.
Laura, Age 13
Never spit when on a roller coaster.
Scott, Age 11
Never do pranks at a police station.
Sam, Age 10
Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving.
Rob, Age 10
Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your
mom told you to do.
Hank, Age 12
Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand.
Molly, Age 11
Listen to your brain. It has lots of information.
Chelsea, Age 7
Stay away from prunes.
Randy, Age 9
Never dare your little brother to paint the family car.
Phillip, Age 13
Forget the cake, go for the icing.
Cynthia, Age 8
Thanks to Wendie, for this submission !
Once again thanks to Wendie for these two great lessons !
TWO GREAT LESSONS
1. Most Important Question
During my second month of nursing school our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark hair and in her 50's, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade."Yes, absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'. I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African-American woman
was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to
endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and
she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided
to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to
help her-generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's.
The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and
put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry!
She wrote down his address, thanked him and drove away.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door.
To his surprise, a giant combination console color TV and
stereo record player were delivered to his home. A special
note was attached. The note read: "Dear Mr. James: Thank
you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night.
The rain drenched not only my clothes but also my spirits.
Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make
it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed
away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly
serving others. Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole"
