I'm standing right here next to you,
watching while you read.
I wish that I could speak to you,
the one thing that I need.

I saw you at my funeral,
I cried, you looked so sad.
I suppose that is a compliment,
but it made me feel real bad.

I know that I have hurt you,
and that nearly breaks my heart.
Especially with the knowledge
that you've been hurting from the start.

I'd found a path that lead straight down,
and now I know you knew it.
I remember now, your pleas and cries
that told me not to do it.

I hope you don't feel guilty,
and I hope you know I do.
I've caused much pain and suffering
to so many just like you.

The blame belongs with me,
and I will not pass the buck.
The choice was always mine,
and I will not blame bad luck.

I write this, not to say I'm sorry,
that would never be enough.
Instead, I say I understand.
I know I made life tough.

I cannot change the past,
I know that's wishful thinking.
Instead, I can try now
to stop other people sinking.

I know there's people out there,
who think just like I used to
and now I've finally realised
just what I can do.

I'll try to show the pain they cause,
to family and friends
and also the consequence
of the messages they send.

I'll try to illustrate to users,
just what drugs can do
and show them that my fate
could happen to them too.

Still at times, I do despair,
as you must have, many times,
for I predict destruction
of so many in their prime.

For ultimately, I cannot choose,
I cannot lock the doors.
I quote you now, remember this?
'The choice is only yours.'

Elanor Maud 1997

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