The party started with a hiss and a roar, with Wellsford's Manpower Squad arriving early to set up their 'after-the-show' entertainment. Lawrence Vivian, chest bared and nipple rings gleaming, sauntered up to Becky with a suave smirk (hey Mr B) on his face.
"Hey babe, what do you think about dinner on Saturday?"
Elanor glanced over to where Rebecca and Lawrence were standing. Should she go and rescue Becky? Suddenly, her focus shifted. No, it wasn't a contact lens! It was a guy. A man. It was John-Henry. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think for a second that Elanor and John-Henry were having an affair without anyone else knowing, but believe me, the chemistry was there. Elle laughed at all his jokes, funny or not, and John wouldn't look at anyone else in the room. Everyone wondered what the true situation was.
Alas, with all the gossiping they were doing, the partygoers had forgotten to watch out for Lawrence and his... situation. Suddenly, without warning, Lawrence began to cluck wildly and bleed out his ears. Rebecca stared on in horror as his nose vibrated and a green liquid oozed out. Of course all the other members of ManPower (including Cameron Wall and Clinton) thought it was the biggest joke. Only Donald took time to phone a doctor.
While Lawrence was being taken away, interviews were being taken on the spot for a replacement stippers. "Gosh," giggled Donald. Alan immediately took off all his clothes and bit the buffalo that had since joined the party. Up onto the table he leapt, like a graceful gazelle. The selection panel stared on in wonder as he embarked on a series of moves that would have put Astaire to shame, had he been a stripper. Rebecca's jaw rested on the floor - she could not believe this was the guy she had ridiculed and ignored all her school life. Was there any way she could salvage her chances with Alan without him thinking that she only wanted him for his body?
Elanor and John-Henry were still in a world of their own. Despite what it seemed to onlookers, they were far from having an affair. John-Henry was simply telling a funny anecdote from his time in the Boy Scouts, when they all slept in the same tent... Donald had drawn the short straw as usual.
In fact, Elanor was quite simply in love with Lord Rutherford of Nelson. A respectable man, he had never looked twice at Elanor, as he was as committed and in love with his wife as the day he had met her. But Elle was ruthless and vindictive and determined to obtain him for her own. She endured John-Henry's company simply because he was the tool that would rid her of Lady Rutherford forever (at least according to Donald).
Meanwhile, in a very different part of the world, Jason and Tania were discussing wedding plans.
Chelsea was up to her usual tricks... making a dick of herself, like always. Elanor couldn't understand how she could handle it. Elanor would never humiliate herself in public like that. How could Chelsea even consider getting up on that table and making breakfast for the whole family? "How sweet!" gushed Donald. There was Weet-bix for Elanor, Nutri-grain for John... the table is laden with all sorts of dairy goodness.
It all began when Elanor finally reached puberty. She was so excited she rang all her friends. Rebecca was so happy for Elle that she threw a party: 'The Puberty Party' she called it, so Mr Billington would come.
Rebecca didn't even deign to answer. The question was ludicrous really. I mean, she had Pip. What did she need with Lawrence? Now Pip, he was a real man. Boy, she thought, after all the years of waiting for the right guy to come along (let's not even mention Shane here, okay?), it had all been worth it. Phillip Woodcock. The ultimate man.
"No," fumed Jason. "I want to carry a bouquet too!"
"But Jase, darling, that's not the way we do things in New Zealand. The girl carries a bouquet, and the guy..."
"Yes?" demanded Jason. "I'm dying to know what the guy gets out of this whole charade. And please don't say sex, cos that's not EVEN..."
And I think we'll leave them there.
