"What the heck?" I looked up as the news flash appeared. I was enjoying that movie! Suddenly, confusion reigned as my television was flooded with static. The picture disappeared, but for some reason, I could hear the reporter very clearly. Almost too clearly in fact, as the voice pounded it's way into my lounge.
What was going on? I went upstairs and into the living room, overlooking the lounge. A curtain covered a bulky shape, that seemed to be moving and making a faint beeping sound. Curiouser and curiouser, the 'newsflash' seemed to be coming from the bulk! This was too weird.
Finn grabbed his trusty sledgehammer, swung, and with a crunch and a bit of a groan, the lump collapsed. It hit Finn for the first time that there was a person under there. His breath caught in his throat and he lifted the curtain.
Finn glared at the phantom. What did she think she was doing there? He was just about to ask his question again when he saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. Her accomplice, he thought. He turned and saw a pair of feet sticking out from under his grandmother's bed. He bent down to find James lying there. After pulling James out (and bumping his nose in the process) he repeated his previous question to the phantom.
The next day at school, Finn just pretended nothing had happened. He hung out with Larry, Curly and Moe and completely ignored the phantom AND James. Completely. Not a whisper. The phantom was so upset she decided to go to Betty Farr's funeral.
Meanwhile, back at school, Finn had been voted 'Superbabe of the Century', which proved that he was indeed gorgeous and James was just up himself. So THERE.
Later it was proved that James actually had no neck. This was a disadvantage in the sense that HAVING NO NECK IS UGLY. So James faced a life of rejection unless he got his neck stretched, so he did. The operation cost him $38,000, but that didn't set back his bank balance very much.
It all began that dark night. Finn was resting in his dad's armchair, watching television. Far above his head, the phantom lurked. The phantom had many plans for this gloomy eve. Tonight, Finn was going to realise just where his priorities lay.
Unbeknown to Finn, a lot of work had gone into the phantom's plans. Several electrical engineers had been enlisted and several microphones, amplifiers, etc. had been jacked up.
It was all set to go, and the phantom was just waiting for the right time. Timing was the essence in this game.
Suddenly, opportunity reared its head.
Down below, Finn's television programme was interrupted by a news flash. As the reporter appeared on the screen, the phantom went to work.
The phantom stirred and opened her eyes. She found herself staring into the face of a rather anxious-looking Finn. His eyes widened. "Phantom! What the sod are YOU doing in my grandmother's house??" he exclaimed.
The phantom groaned, and tried to think of a decent excuse. Unfortunately, one did not appear out of the blue like a flash of lightning.
"Well," said the phantom. "Last week I was in the Four Square and I saw you buying some carrots. And well, there weren't any left, so I decided to come over here. The thing is, I was too embarrassed to come in."
Finn thought he understood. "So, you tried to break in and, ah, spy on me?"
The phantom frowned. "No. I just went home. I just felt like getting that off my chest."
Finn made a snide remark and turned to James, but at the risk of getting his face rearranged (although his nose needs it) he decided not to say anything smart, and just that they should leave, his grandmother would be home soon.
"Tena kotou, tena kotou, tena kotou katoa," she addressed the group. Everyone felt comforted by her words. The phantom was such a good ambassador for the Maori people.
