i'm lying here on the floor & i want you to hold me down. stop this. madness makes me shake. i'm scared & i am alone. i'm here. someone else is there. what is this that eats my insides & takes stock of my fears. i'm in & out, out & in. everything i know isn't the same people aren't moving, the world is stopped & the traffic i hear is just background noise on repeat. it's just me & this song & this floor. this floor. this floor covered in the hair i cut off. pulled out. wrenched. just lonely. i'm just lonely. i shouldn't listen to this. i shouldn't hear this. who hears these things? who brought this? you. sheds sheds tears i don't like the water when it's this consistancy make it Go. i want this but i can't handle it i don't know what this feels like i don't want to know what this feels like. don't just tell me or hold me down. down down spiralling, i can tell i'm down. what is up? when the bow breaks. hold me down. these shivers will not subside these hands are not mine own this life is not moving & my eyes cannot see i cannot hear you i cannot hear you i Cannot Communicate With You Like This. but true love waits. i'm just lonely. calm down, baby. baby. who calls me that? who said that? where is your voice when i need it.

i got better. i got strong. tell me something. tell me nothing. i've got something. what is it? i don't know. identify. through the ringer. take my hand. hold.