a two-parter.

i know you're fucking with me. how can i tell? it's your face when i'm talking with you. it's not focused. it's like mine during some sort of sexual act with someone i hate. which is when? i don't know. oh.

i know you're lying to me. you smell of baby powder & fresh linen. you've not smelled like this before. are you trying to impress or depress? i see myself sitting inside the little hotdog stand hut on the corner of this street. the gym is enlightened & the people stream slowly out of the doorway of the bar below. contradictory, maybe. barnes & noble is lit but somber in the light. it feels perpetually cloudy. misty. i can smell it. the hotel is cheap but old & beautiful. the clock tower & antenna don't work anymore. just for show. we're behind you. literally.

take a picture from your window & develop it in the closet. what do you see? sometimes images end up there that didn't appear before. take your glasses off. what do you see now? squint your eyes & make different shapes with the figures. i would like to take you to this hill i know & slip my hand into yours & have it mean absolutely nothing. it's possible. i like that. we're one step ahead.

the sun's so often rising. it's fucking pathetic because i'm deciding to take the day off.. the day? fuck, why not the year. sure. it's a plan.

blink. blink. i used to make a habit of this. going out & wishing on the stars each night. when i'm out, it's subconscious that i look at the sky. wish wish wish. do you wish? weather's great wish you were here. nahhh. much more complex than that. i sometimes have to catch myself & stop to reword my wish. i'm afraid that if i think it in my head in too many different ways, i'll fuck it up & it won't come true. will it? startling. i always tell other people to look up, "what for?" make a wish, dumbass. we're up against the wall.

we had our stars. each night before we left each other, got off the phone.. "did you wish tonight?" no, but i will. instant happiness.. just add me.

"but i really don't think there's anyone out there for me. i used to.. but now i just seriously think i'm fucking with myself."

maybe we looked like angels.