Tom Pepper

   Tom Pepper roams the wide world round, searching for release
   Until he learns to tell the truth, he's forced to range the seas.

Tom Pepper was a liar; he had been all his life
When he uttered his first cry, he lied to the midwife
And now he's gone to hell, or so we have been told
But there's much more to his story, as now I shall unfold

He lied unto his parents, every single day
Till they could never trust a single word he'd say
"I'm going out," meant he'd stay in, "I'm full," he'd eat some more
"I'm hungry," never touched a thing, "I'm staying in," he'd go.

Now accidents will happen; things get knocked down off a shelf
But not when Tom was in the house: "It must have broke itself."
If anything went missing, Tom never was to blame
He never spent a penny, but he'd treasure to his name

   Tom Pepper roams the wide world round, searching for release
   Until he learns to tell the truth, he's forced to range the seas.

Tom Pepper was an only child, but when he went to school
His classmates never bullied him, nor ever called him fool
For he would have them all believe, that he had brothers three
And each as strong as any ox, and tall as any tree

He lied about his exams, went to university
But failed in his finals; he was only eight you see
He lied to his lover, as he had done all his life
Till one day at the altar, Tom became his wife

   Tom Pepper roams the wide world round, searching for release
   Until he learns to tell the truth, he's forced to range the seas.

He lied about his age, when he was but eleven
And joined King George's navy, as it sailed right out of Devon
He lied unto the captain, he lied unto the crew
He lied unto the gunners, that he knew what to do.

They rushed him to the surgeon when the cannon crushed his leg
"Now where should I start sawing?"  "Right here," is what Tom said.
The surgeon never lost a man, he was the highest rated
But Tom was ne'er the same again, when his head was amputated.

   Tom Pepper roams the wide world round, searching for release
   Until he learns to tell the truth, he's forced to range the seas.

So that is how his life did end, God's judgment for to face
He convinced poor St Peter, he died in a state of grace
But heaven's no place for liars, as the scriptures plainly tell
He said, "I'm just off for a stroll," and marched right into hell.

In hell he faced a Devil full of murder, lies and hate
Who roareded at him with anger and asked why he was late
Tom poured out lies and fiction as they stoked up hell's great fires
No longer could the Devil call himself the King of Liars.

Cast out of hell was Tom, lest he should take the Devil's throne
And not allowed in heaven, on earth he has to roam
So if you list to join the crew of an English man o' war
Likely you'll meet Tom Pepper, before your journey's o'er.

   Tom Pepper roams the wide world round, searching for release
   Until he learns to tell the truth, he's forced to range the seas.