ADVICE FOR HAMLET

	To get through life we need a watchword, motto or advice
	A slogan or some way to cope with life and all its vice
	So if you know some clause you think you could pass on for free
	Then give it to some youngster as my father gave to me.

Me father took me very young to see a play in town
A complicated plot befell poor Hamlet all forlorn
To stop my frequent questioning which Father did embarrass
He simply said "Keep watching for the man behind the arras."

When visiting a friend his father asked me after tea
"What do you think of my wife's hairdo between just you and me?"
I said, "I think it's not too bad, but that's about as far as
I'm prepared to say before I look behind your arras."

	To get through life we need a watchword, motto or advice
	A slogan or some way to cope with life and all it's vice
	So if you know some clause you think you could pass on for free
	Then give it to some youngster as my father gave to me.

When we were down the pub my friend said, "I've a cunning plan."
So I checked behind the furnishings as quickly as one can.
The landlord thought me up to nothing good - and he would bar us
So I said "I'm only checking for a man behind your arras."

When I was married the other year and went on honeymoon,
The day dragged on and on and night-time couldn't come too soon,
Before I tucked my bride in bed in that hotel in Paris,
I checked there was no continental man behind our arras.

	To get through life we need a watchword, motto or advice
	A slogan or some way to cope with life and all its vice
	So if you know some clause you think you could pass on for free
	Then give it to some youngster as my father gave to me.

Now we've a son all of our own and I must make him see,
That when you’re thinking out aloud: "To be or not to be,"
Before you utter any words which ever could embarrass,
Make absolutely sure there is no man behind your arras.

	To get through life we need a watchword, motto or advice
	A slogan or some way to cope with life and all its vice
	So if you know some clause you think you could pass on for free
	Then give it to some youngster as my father gave to me.